While playing around with conversations in my head that will never happen, a thought struck me recently. I don’t know, maybe it is to comfort me, or to convict me? Maybe I just think too highly of myself.
As hard as it is for us to be here, can it be harder for those still there without us? Our leaving and the events before, during and after had some very hurtful ramifications on one of our friendships and we have not had communications with them since November. And we think of them often and lament what was and should have been. We don’t see or think of our nationals as much anymore, even when we look at our wall hangings, artwork, etc. But (some of them) see reminders of us way more than we do of them. The house, the dogs barking, the students, staff and villagers wearing clothes we brought, the soccer team wearing “Pirate Pride” tee shirts when the other team has the same colored jerseys, having to do things we were going to do/deal with things they weren't planning to/dealing with people... I am not trying to sound egotistical, but we did leave a (physical) mark there at the least. I doubt it is the “missing you” thing-it’s the annoyed that I have to do this instead of you or go through this instead of (or because of) you…
Anyway, life goes on, like we were never there, and no one misses or remembers we were there. We read and hear everything through a perspective that no one else can, with a few grains of salt, knowing what we know about how things work (and don’t work). Thankfully our friends are doing a lot better their first year than we ever did. Much of that is because of the perspective we had on the project and for ourselves there and the perspective they have for themselves. I also know that because of all we had to go through, they will never have to. Lessons learned by others so they are better equipped, definitely better supported than we ever were. And honestly, I am thankful that it was us instead of them.
Someday, I guess it would be nice to hear from someone (whom we can honestly believe), that our time made a difference to the project. I know it made a difference in some people’s lives, but it would be nice to know that all the “stuff” we went through led to some of the changes needed to make the project succeed long term and that the missionaries there will be appropriately and well cared for. But even so, I doubt it would satisfy.
Truthfully, we just haven’t prayed for them or the project for a long time. Haven’t felt lead to. Maybe this is a call to start praying for them again?