"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Monday, December 31, 2007

S is for Spiritual

Spiritual Focus:-your inner stability, being strongly anchored to your Lord and prepared for inevitable turmoil and stress

We did four different bible studies in our growth groups.
The first was on loving one another (John 13:34-56; 17:18, 20-21, 23b and I John 3:11-18).
The second was on the heart of conflict (James 4:1-3). We talked about destructive conflict, what good conflict is, how our own desires turn to sinful demands and we judge others.
The third was on why God allows adversity in our lives. Often our adversities seem completely senseless and irrational, but not to God! It is neither senseless nor irrational to Him. We went through many reasons for adversity:
Pruning, to reveal unholy lusts and pride, to learn dependence on God,
learn perseverance, to be of service to others (also coming along side those
also going through hard times), entering into the privilege of the fellowship
of suffering, and to develop a deeper relationship with God.
The fourth was on the disciplines of silence and solitude (which Brian posted on some earlier). This was the intro to our time with God later in the day.

Another part of the Spiritual section was on spiritual vitality. Unfortunately this was the day we were sick, so we only heard parts of it through a baby monitor!
Your spiritual vitality must emerge from three foundation truths:
God is God
God isn’t safe, but He is faithful
God is good
Under your commitment to missions, under your zeal for the work, these three must be set.

We talked about dealing with your fears. What do you fear? Deal with it with God; if you don’t, God may deal with it for you, and that’s not always as fun.

Soul care was the main focus. Again, go back in the December archives to Silence and Solitude to read more.
When asked the question of what you do for rest or relaxation, most of us are caught off guard and mumble something about reading.
What is rest? Rest is NOT motivated by accomplishment, by provision, by success. Rest is declaring your dependency on God for those three things.
Are we restless for the cause of the gospel? But “what good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” Mark 8:36
Our own souls need to be restored, revived, nurtured, have the ability to bless God and others, rest, need it be satisfied, experience loss & recover with grief, the magnify the Lord.

Integrity is the hidden parts of you consistent with the parts on public display. This takes spiritual work in the quiet space of our lives.

Work 6 days/Keep one day as a special day. We never got into a discussion as to what day that had to be, just one day out of seven needs to be a special day for the Lord. On that day:

-Cease: from work, the need to accomplish, be productive, worry, need of efficiency, passiveness, the humdrum and meaninglessness that result when life is pursued without the Lord at the center
-Rest: spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual, social
-Embracing what God values: intentionality and deliberateness, wholly different set of values from world around us, unhurried, uninterrupted, quality leisure time with others, caring for people and not things, giving instead of requiring, embracing your call in life
-Feasting/celebrating: feasting on the presence of God, with music, with beauty, with food, with affection
Our great grandfathers called it the Holy Sabbath, our grandfathers the Sabbath, our fathers Sunday, we call it the weekend.

THE BIG LESSON: We *must* take care of ourselves spiritually or we won’t be able to continue caring for others.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

intro to SPLICE

In order to help us reprocess all we did in Colorado, we will post about each of the 6 components we looked at (I might even get back to that conflict post!):


Intertwined in this is self-awareness, grace appropriating (to others learning with you and later in the field), incarnational (how are you going to step into this and live it out?).

To explain a little of the methodology they use (RARE-upside down):

Experiential-experience it yourself, the whole person, do activities
Reflective-personalize principles that surface in your experiences
Affective domain focus-deal with issues of the heart, what you feel and think in your heart has priority over just head knowledge
Relational-training is in context of community. Individual development is viewed from the perspective of how it takes place in relation to others

Remember the iceberg-we only see about 20% of the berg. We tried to get beyond the surface. Understand what your intent is versus what is communicated. We don’t always know the background each brings and what someone else brings to it and how they may take it (a major example was when we were talking about issues related to singlesness on teams-I am sure I will write about it when we get to that day!).

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

call to bed

This is a picture of all the crazies we spent three weeks with (minus one-we missed you Alfreda!)

Wednesday night of the last week and we were all drained, tired, maybe a little silly. We had recently gotten address sheets for everyone, but not everyone had included their blogsite on it. The other Brian started talking about ways to get everyone’s blogs. Send a sheet around, ask everyone, etc. My Bri and I decide it’s time for bed. But on the way up we hit the classroom, grab a big sheet of paper and label it “Blog Addresses”.
We write KALLEVIGS-calltoobedience.blogspot.com. We write this in multiple colors, under Kallevigs I draw 8 stick figures, under call we put a cell phone.
Grabbing a tray full of colors we bring the plate down to the main floor and give the instructions: using multiple colors and pictures, write your blog address and any other thoughts, feelings, or gut level reaction to doing this activity. We got a good laugh! (This was the question we were frequently asked during class, not our favorite one!)
Then one of the gals looks at our address and says, “Call to bed??” She didn’t quite get the whole phrase at first glance. The other gal in the room laughs and says, “Well, they do have 6 kids!”

Saturday, December 22, 2007


This is the story of Omodo, which we heard about at MTI. What do you think?? We would really love to hear some responses!

On one of my trips I worshiped in an African church where nobody knew me. After the service I talked to two boys who had also attended.
"How many brothers and sisters do you have?" I asked the first one.
"Are they all from the same stomach?"
"Yes, my father is a Christian."
"How about you?" I addressed the other boy.
He hesitated. In his mind he was adding up. I knew immediately that he came from a polygamous family.
"We are nine," he finally said.
"Is your father a Christian?"
"No," was the typical answer, "he is a polygamist."
"Are you baptized?"
"Yes, and my brothers and sister too," he added proudly.
"And their mothers?"
"They are all three baptized, but only the first wife takes communion."
"Take me to your father."
The boy led me to a compound with many individual houses. It breathed an atmosphere of cleanliness, order, and wealth. Each wife had her own kitchen. The father, a middle-aged, good-looking man, tall, fat, and immpreSSIVe, received me without embarrassment and with apparent joy. I found Omodo, as we shall call him, a well-educated person, wide awake and intelligent, with a sharp wit and a rare sense of humor. From the outset he made no apologies for being a polygamist; he was proud of it. Let me try to put down here the essential content of our conversation that day which lasted for several hours.
"Welcome to the hut of a poor sinner!" The words were accompanied by good-hearted laughter.
"It looks like a rich sinner," I retorted.
"The saints come very seldom to this place," he said, "they don't want to be contaminated with sin."
"But they are not afraid to receive your wives and children. I just met them in church."
"I know. I give everyone a coin for the collection plate. I guess I finance half of the church's budget. They are glad to take my money, but they don't want me."
I sat in thoughtful silence. After a while he continued, "1 feel sorry for the pastor. By refusing to accept all the polygamous men in town as church members he has made his flock poor and they shall always be dependent upon subsidies from America. He has created a church of women whom he tells every Sunday that polygamy is wrong."
"Wasn't your first wife heartbroken when you took a second one?"
Omodo looked at me almost with pity. "It was her happiest day," he said finally.
"Tell me how it happened."
"Well, one day after she had come home from the garden and had fetched wood and water, she was preparing the evening meal, while I sat in front of my house and watched her. Suddenly she turned to me and mocked me. She called me a 'poor man' because I had only one wife. She pointed to our neighbor's wife who could care for her children while the other wife prepared the food."
"Poor man:' Omodo repeated.”I can take much, but not that. I had to admit that she was right. She needed help. She had already picked out a second wife for me and they get along fine."
I glanced around the courtyard and saw a beautiful young woman, about nineteen or twenty, come out of one of the huts.
"It was a sacrifice for me," Omodo commented. "Her father demanded a very high bride price."
"Do you mean that the wife who caused you to become a polygamist is the only one of your family who receives communion?"
"Yes, she told the missionary how hard it was for her to share her love for me with another woman. According to the church my wives are considered sinless because each of them has only one husband. I, the father, am the only sinner in our family. Since the Lord's Supper is not given to sinners, I am excluded from it. Do you understand that, pastor?"
I was entirely confused.
"And you see," Omodo continued, "they are all praying for me that I might be saved from sin, but they don't agree from which sin I must be saved."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the pastor prays that I may not continue to commit the sin of polygamy. My wives pray that I may not commit the sin of divorce. I wonder whose prayers are heard first."
"So your wives are afraid that you become a Christian?"
"They are afraid that I become a church member. Let's put it that way. For me there is a difference. You see they can only have intimate relations with me as long as I do not belong to the church. In the moment I would become a church member their marriage relations with me would become sinful."
"Wouldn't you like to become a church member?”
"Pastor, don't lead me into temptation! How can I become a church member, if it means to disobey Christ? Christ forbade divorce, but not polygamy. The church forbids polygamy but demands divorce. How can I become a church member, if I want to be a Christian? For me there is only one way, to be a Christian without the church."
"Have you ever talked to your pastor about that?"
"He does not dare to talk to me, because he knows as well as I do thaI some of his elders have a second wife secretly. The only difference between them and me is that I am honest and they are hypocrites."
"Did a missionary ever talk to you?"
"Yes, once. I told him that with the high divorce rate in Europe, they have only a successive form of polygamy while we have a simultaneous polygamy. That did it. He never came back."
I was speechless. Omodo accompanied me back to the village. He evidently enjoyed to be seen with a pastor.
"But tell me, why did you take a third wife?" I asked him.
"I did not take her. I inherited her from my later brother, including her children. Actually my older brother would have been next in line. But he is an elder. He is not allowed to sin by giving security to a widow."
I looked in his eyes. "Do you want to become a Christian?"
"I am a Christian," Omodo said without smiling.
As I walked slowly down the path, the verse came to my mind: "You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel."

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


December newsletter is on the right side-highlight and click.

But if you are on our mailing list, you can wait for the nicer print version in our mail box soon.

Any tech-savy people out there want to explain a better way for me to post my newsletter? I do it in Microsoft Publisher.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Over the last month we have been learning many lessons, only some of them were in and during class time. Others were things that seemed to be very subtle, yet reoccurring. In listening to others in transition/ preparing to go to the mission field, there are some things that stood out to us, things that frankly did not seem right. A big one is how support raising is done. We met people who are traveling all over the country raising support to go into their respective mission fields. They are spending X amount of dollars to raise X amount of support. Looking at it from a strictly from the cost effect stand point it is extremely inefficient. Because often you raise support to be able to go and raise more support. There are stretches when it is very “profitable” to do it this way but you always have times when it is not. Do I have an answer to how it should be done? NO. I wish I did. Only God does. But to keep doing things in a way that wastes God’s resources because “it may not be right but that is the way it is done and always has been done”. That has been a response to me on several occasions regarding “church politics and policies”. Personally I don’t like excuses for poor policy and behavior. Now understand I’m not talking about any one church, I’m talking about the “church” in general. This falls under ALL denominations. I am convinced that the greatest hindrance to missions is church building projects. On more than one occasion we’ve had churches and individuals say “they would love to BUT we’ve committed to supporting this building project or maybe once the building it paid for they can support missions more.” It is sad but true. I’ll probably get in trouble for this but I think a lot (not all) of these building projects are born out of pride and fear, competition with other churches, a need to be the biggest and the best. Just another of the many ways satan gets the church off track. It is sad to see the bride of Christ being a stumbling block to the commands of Christ. Is there anything that can be done? YES! There is a common thread that is lacking that I have seen and that is there is little to no corporate prayer in the church besides a 2 minute prayer on sun. morning. PRAYER should be first and foremost in the church, but then again, if it’s not first in your home why should it be in church? As you can tell I’m frustrated with the churches failure in this area. And the leadership of the churches will have to answer to God for not making prayer priority number one. Rarely do I worship in church any more. I worship in other places less conventional. I used to in the barn when I milked the cows, now it is at home both alone and with others, at times it’s outdoors. There used to be a prayer meeting every Sunday night and Wednesday night that I went to, those were times that I would come before the Throne of God and worship Him in spirit and truth. I miss those times. It is the very reason that Kel and I started having a weekly prayer meeting in our home (you’re all invited!). I guess these are just the ramblings of some frustrated former dairy farmer, who believes that our Father has so much more for us. But we are so busy doing what we think He wants us to do that we never bother to ask Him (and then wait for a response) what He wants and desires for us and from us. Then God speaks, and do we have the faith to walk it out? Remember God is not always safe but He is always faithful!!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

We are Home

Home… the word means something different to each person. Our home is the house we live in Kandiyohi, but I still consider the farm home as well. For the last 3 weeks I have called MTI in Colorado home. Eventually our home will be in the bush of Zambia, Africa. The last 3 weeks have been really good and really hard. It has been draining and exciting. The days sometimes went by very slow yet the weeks went by very fast. We live in paradox- that is our reality. Right now we love and hate pretty much everything about our lives. It is a strange place to be but it is good to know that 1) it is okay and 2) it is actually normal. Now that we are home the reality has set in that we have a ton of stuff to get done in the next month. Right now we are all tired and a little crabby. The last 3 days have been very stressful. We finished packing and loading up Friday morning. We finished saying all our goodbyes (oh yeah, I woke up with a headache so the day did not start off the way I was hoping) and got on the road about 12:30. It was also snowing. The drive that should have taken 4 hours took 6 1/2. The number of vehicles in the ditch was too many to count. We did see 3 rollovers, 3 multiple car accidents, and one accident that we never got to actually see because the interstate was closed and traffic was parked for miles. We got off and took a much less traveled road and got around and kept going. By the time we got to North Platte I had muscle spasms in my neck, back, legs and arms. I had driven so long, so tense that I could not relax. Saturday morning we didn’t get going until 9:30 and we took a little less traveled route. It was a very scenic road across southern South Dakota. We got home about 7:30 pm, so 10 hours on the road. Then get the van unloaded and start getting stuff put away (or I should say in Kel’s case get everything put away). Got everyone to bed, even though the kids were not all that tired. We had church in the morning. That was one of the reasons we needed to get back. Our Sunday school class was planning on presenting us with the “shower” gifts they had for us. We will definitely be clean!! 3 huge boxes of toilet paper, 50 toothbrushes and about 50 bars of soap were included with the pillows, sheets, tire repair kit, music cd’s, gift cards, dishes, and more. (Yes, I will update our list soon) What a pure blessing to have a community of believers to come around us and bless us this way. It may seem a little extreme to have that amount of things (I didn’t ask for those numbers, that’s just what people happened to give), but we are a family of eight, and these will all be things we will not have to buy once in Zambia (at least for quite awhile!) We would like to thank you for your prayers over the last 3 weeks. We saw our Father answer. It was a privilege and an honor to go through the SPLICE program at MTI. We know we will be using what we learned long before we get to the field. In closing I would just ask to continue to keep us in your prayers.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Grief and Loss & Goodbyes


Tuesday morning was a long morning, the module was on grief and loss. To me it was digging up (looking back) at stuff I would just as soon leave alone and let it come up when it comes up. We talked about how God (the Bible) views grief and loss, what does that look like? How do we view it? How do we/I live it out? Have we been taught to mourn biblically? This is something that our Father cares about and has shown us a model In the scriptures and it is NOT the western/American model. This is but one of many daily life issues that our Father has addressed in His Holy Scriptures that isn’t often taught anywhere.

Today this is what the entire day was on. It started out with each person/ couple going up in front of the class and sharing where we were going and what we thought our mission was going to be there (we learned it so often not what we think it will be), also to share one prayer request for the country we will be going to and a request for ourselves. Then people from the class would gather around us and one person would pray for us. It took the entire morning but man was it GOOD!! This afternoon was on goodbyes. How important they are for ourselves and for others, and how to properly do that. We talked about how it is done on other cultures and the emphasis that is placed on it. Then for an hour and a half we walked around and said goodbye to each other. This consisted of a lot more than a simple goodbye. We had to speak a word of encourage, exhortation to each individual and than they would reciprocate it. It was rather uncomfortable, but it was also very encouraging. We had a lot of compliments on the kids and their behavior, on how they interacted with the adults, especially Cybil and Mariah. After class we sat down with the kids’ teacher and discussed his observations. A lot of them were things we had an idea of already, and some things we didn’t notice as much anymore-we have become used to it. So it was good to hear what other people saw. I think we put their teacher on the spot!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Last Couple of Days

Well, it has been an interesting couple of days here. Yesterday morning I woke up early and checked the email and there was someone checking in on us. That was the first I had heard of the shooting up near Denver at YWAM missionary training center: two dead, two wounded. People here started getting calls during the morning. The first news reports said “shooting at Colorado mission training center,” which caused concern. It’s not everyday that you are at a missionary training center and just up the road about 50 miles, another training center someone walks in and opens fire. Personally I didn’t think a lot about it-it was ironic (just the fact that we are at a training center too).
It was Sunday morning, instead of going to church we decided to go outside and play with the ids. We had 2-3 inches of fresh snow. It was clear skies and 35 degrees, so our church was just enjoying ourselves in the snow with the kids. Kel and I really didn’t think a whole lot more about the shooting. Typically random acts of violence are not random. After dinner we put all the kids to bed for naps. We were downstairs sitting together working on our December newsletter. Brent came out and said he had just received a call from his mom who had told him about the shooting at New Life church, just 10 miles down the road from us. Now people at MTI began getting nervous. We had little info-all we knew was that a person or persons were targeting Christian facilities in the area. The police came and filled us in and we basically went into “lock down”. We were informed not to go out or let anyone in that we didn’t know. I suggested that we take up a collection so that I could go purchase a new firearm, but I didn’t have any takers. That evening pretty much everyone got together to sing (three guys brought out their guitars and one his flute), play games, hang out. It was a party atmosphere. It was interesting to watch how people reacted in an actual “crisis” event. I knew Sunday night that we would probably be discussing this event (feelings, emotions, reactions) Monday morning, and I was right. We spent all morning (3 hours-2 hours too many from my perspective) on it.
I just didn’t have too much to “work through”, but here are a few thoughts-
In my mind it is just a sign of the times. Christ Himself said the world will hate us. We really should not be surprised by this. If we live out our lives as Christ followers and the closer we get to the rapture, the worse it is going to get. So I ask this question: What are we to do as Christ followers? Run and hide, stand still and tall, or stand and fight?? How many “Christians” will stand with Christ when persecution comes to this country?
One lesson I think I learned is the importance of the community of believers, to come together. There is strength, love, tenderness in that fellowship.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Silence and Solitude

Thursday was silence and solitude. We had an assignment to go out for 30 minutes and write a letter to God. About what I (Brian) am not sure, don’t remember the specifics-I think it was on our integrity in resting in Him. I didn't really follow the directions. For one, I decided to go outside for a walk. I just started talking to my Father. I shared with Him some of my struggles. A word kept coming to mind and it was the word, hypocrite (OUCH!). I asked God to search my heart to reveal my sin in my life. Guess what? He did! The first thing I had to ask forgiveness for was not worshipping Him with unabandoned worship like I can do when I’m alone; for holding myself back from Him out of fear. Also for opening up my mouth when it should have remained shut (because of pride). And finally for being quiet when He has called me to speak (because of fear).
These were the three areas of sin I needed to deal with. That got me a ways down the path. At this point I decided to go take a little less traveled path up towards these rock formations. As I was walking I prayed, "Father, I desire the people here, especially Kelly, Cybil, and Mariah, to experience you in an amazing, supernatural, real way. I desire it for them because I desire it for myself."
After this, I sensed the Spirit lead me to go up-climb up this rock formations. So I made my own path for a ways and got to the base of the rocks and then started up. IT WAS AMAZING! Working my way up and through these huge boulders. I then came up into this huge cavern. I was pretty much protected on all sides. I just sat there in silence. As I sat, the warm sun shone through right on my face. I could feel no wind, just the warm sun. The passage about being in the cleft of the rock came to mind. There is shelter in the cleft of the rock from the storms of life. But God reminded me that it is not permanent and you will need to go back into the storm/life, and there will be times I will call you into the storm. But, no matter what I will always be here. I am your shelter from/in the storm.
From there I knew I needed to go up, and up I went. I went to the top of the rocks. Unbelievable was the view. I sat up there on top, not too far from the edge and just looked around in awe. Something we have been learning, implementing, is to recognize our own feelings and reactions to things, situations, comments, how doe we see, feel, react; so that’s what I did.
My heart was pounding, partly from the climb and partly from sitting next to a 50 foot drop. I felt fear, anxiety, yet excitement, adrenaline. I wanted to go closer to the edge. I wouldn’t let myself go any closer (which in this case was probably smart). What God revealed to me was this was often the way my relationship is with Him. I want to be close to Him but I’m afraid. And rightfully so because it is dangerous and it is not for the faint of heart.
As I sat there I clearly felt, heard, sensed God begin to tell something. I grabbed my note pad and began to write. Then my hand started shaking and the tears began to fall. My Father clearly said:
“Brian, you are going to experience fear, anxiety, passion, hurt, joy, mercy, grace, love, heartache, trials, and ME like you never have before!”
I just sat there shaking and crying. I lay back on the rock and looked up; there in the clouds directly above me was cross, as plain as day. I actually just started laughing in my tears. I just said, God you are so cool! I sat up and asked, now what? “Let go-waste time”-that was part of our assignment, “waste time with God”. So I got up and started exploring my Father’s creation with Him. I can’t even begin to tell you how much fun I had. It was awesome! I felt like a little kid running in the woods just being amazed at what God created for me. He created this world for me/us to enjoy, to worship Him in it. That’s what I did Thursday and it won’t be the last time. There was no pressure up on those rocks to get anything done. We as our Father’s children don’t waste enough time with Him (it is never a waste of time!). I heard it put another way, “holy loitering”-to go and spend time with Him with NO AGENDA. No time limit. How rare is that? VERY! I would say. How important is it? VERY! I would say. It was an amazing day. One I will not soon forget! Praise Father!
Soon I just felt it was time to come down. I don’t know how I knew; I just knew it was time to come down. I didn’t know where I would come out of the brush, but there I was, right at the trail’s head. I came down and in the room, just at the time Kelly was supposed to go out for the next assignment. The class was supposed to go out and mediate on Matthew 11:28-30, taken from the Message:
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. 29 Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 30 Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Our instructor made the point of saying you are all used to your NIVs, NAS, KJV, NKJV, etc. and then I throw this totally modern way of looking at it. Mediate on it and see what God has to say.
I (Kelly) thought a lot about the things I get tired of. I thought how I don’t know if I really know how to get away, how to walk. How am I supposed to watch God? What does it look like to keep company with God? I just pondered for a while. A bit later I was just trying to look around and enjoy since our time was not done yet. Off in the far distance, I see a bird soaring in the clouds. Not flapping, just soaring, gliding, circling. Not trying to accomplish anything, yet getting somewhere. God again pierced my heart and told me to cease striving-quit flapping-quit struggling. Just soar with me, enjoy the heights, enjoy not going anywhere in a hurry. The bird got where it needed to go, but it circled and took its time. You all know me so well-not something I am good at! I remembered the lessons learned from the past, yet my practice wasn’t as good as my head knowledge. God had to tell me again.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


Today we did a simulation. Brian awoke with a migraine, so he didn’t think this would be a great idea to be yelled at or in a closed area with a lot of other people. The sickness has spread about the community here, so there were a few others not involved. Basically we were a mission group that got split up, then a group of 12 of us were hiding in an attic of a hospital with some food and water. Different scenarios and questions were posed to us to decide what to do with.
First we had to organize our group. We didn’t do this very well-as in who was going to do what to stay there long term. You know me-I need to be organized! Next we had to decide if we would let in some national believers with three others whom we didn’t know, but the believers did. This would affect our food and water situation, there was the possibility there was an informer in the group, etc. We had to discuss if we should take them, if there was any other way, if we were already exposed. Our group took them in.
The next scenario had us deciding which 5 of the 12 were going to be able to get out on a plane. At this point all we knew was that our kids were safe-no word on our spouses. There were 3 single gals, 3 married (2 with small children), 1 single guy, 5 married guys (3 with children). This decision wasn’t super hard. We decided the women with small children would go, some of the single gals (not the nurse in case they needed here), and one of the guys with kids would go to help get us to the plane.
Well, then we found out about our other group-they were all okay. But they knew about the plane too, so we were now down to 3 people who could go. In our group, it was me and the other mom, and then a single gal. Again, these decisions didn’t seem too difficult. We looked at the rationalizations of who could run/was fairly healthly, who might be more threatened (women/rape), whose spouse would go for children (we had to assume what our spouse would tell us to do). Part of me wanted to stay so I didn’t “miss” out on what was happening, but I knew Brian would expect me to go. So I really didn’t fight it too much.
Well, of course, we were never actually able to get anyone out of there. Stealing our hope a little?
Then came the toughie. Actually, I don’t feel the decision itself was that tough, our group was all on one page pretty much. We had two of the older people volunteer, and we voted and accepted it. That’s when the tears started flowing. They “fired” the shots right next to us-they commanded for two more to come out. Without hesitation one married and one single guy went out. Again-shots. Come out, see the bodies. Take a break.
As I come up the stairs I am trying to finish crying without blubbering, Brian sees me and quite frankly is fairly upset. It makes him angry to see me upset in any way. (I still have a headache from not finishing my cry-or emotional release, whatever you want to call it. I call it 5 days in a room with sick kids! Or maybe Brian should be the one crying as he’s been in the room with Myron the most)
So of course we meet to discuss what we thought, felt. Brian and I talked in the room some (he was with Myron). Brian was okay with not doing this simulation, partly because he knows (or doesn’t know?) what he is capable of when his family is threatened. He is not sure how he would handle it, and wouldn’t want to let others see how he would handle it. Plus, he just didn’t think he would be able to fully allow himself to engage in the simulation.
What did I feel? I am not sure. You are just kind of in the moment. You know it is a simulation, but yet you are suppose to make it real…I guess I was a little surprised that I let the guys really take the lead and not have to be involved in that leadership. I usually don’t like to be the one making the decisions, but I generally like being involved in how the leadership will work. I really didn’t feel a need to. I (as we all did) threw out points for consideration, but I really didn’t take a lead role as I thought I might have.
I thought our group ran very well. Everyone was heard who wanted to be, so I guess I was a little surprised to see half the hands raised in thinking they wouldn’t be able to live for 3 or 4 years with the same decision making process that we had. I don’t know, I was very comfortable, at least for that short of a time. Over the long term, who knows? That’s where all that personality style/conflict style stuff comes in…oh yeah, haven’t written on that yet.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

puking and pooping

So this next post was supposed to be about our conflict module we did on Friday afternoon/all day Monday. I am sure I will get back to it.
The puking and pooping has continued unfortunately. Cybil had it Thursday night and no one else seemed to get it. We went to the Garden of the Gods, a national park with enormous rock formations on Saturday. We spent almost all day there.
Sunday morning as we were getting ready to leave, Myron threw up all over me. For the rest of that day he continued throwing up and dry heaving (sorry for the graphics!). Sunday night Mariah got it. Monday night, Greta got it, I (KJ) got it, and Brian got a little of it. Thankfully it is a short bug-about a day, but it’s nasty. We’re trying to decide if we should pray Hailey will just get it and be done, or not at all! Joe doesn’t seem to get this kind of stuff-in the two years he has been here, he has never thrown up (other than when he shoves too much food in this mouth).
So we are stuck in our room, being sick. Brian was in here all day Monday with Myron too. Thankfully we can use the baby monitor in the classroom so we can hear the teaching in our room. We heard most of the lesson on spiritual vitality today, but couldn’t keep awake for the beginning of the stress. We will hit that again tomorrow. The only thing worse than being sick is being sick away from home. Basically we are in three adjoining hotel rooms. There is just only so much that you can do! Myron is getting into everything. Oh yeah, after being good yesterday, he decided to throw up at lunch. Since Bri, Greta, and I were up in bed, Cybil and Mariah have been running the show with the other kids. They are doing a fabulous job-it’s hard for them too; there isn’t a lot to do once it gets dark.
So, what are we suppose to learn in all this? Well, we think Cybil & Mariah are learning more about responsibility, that they sometimes have to put their wants on hold, and how to relate well with others.
We are learning about relying on others-in this case, basically strangers we’ve known for a week! I think how grateful I am that we are in this Christian community and not just vacationing at some hotel. Who knows what we would do then!