"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Thursday, October 29, 2009

so...forgiveness continued

Part 3 of our forgiveness thoughts-then it's time for some discussion with you!!

Now that we started thinking about Matthew 18 a little, let's get back to asking forgiveness. Here's an example that may happen way more than we think in our info-savy world.

Brad and Albert are emailing and sharing personal stuff. Comments and questions are asked, statments made so that Brad assumes all communications with Albert are staying strictly confidential. But, Albert shares some of Brad's emails with other people and ends up hurting Brad due to some of the content.

So-two possibles here:

1. Brad goes to Albert in the Matthew 18 way to say that he sinned against him. Should it happen? Probably. Will it? Hard to say, as often when we are hurt we just push it under the rug. Maybe Brad doesn't want to restore the relationship? If Brad is able to let the situation go and not be bitter, maybe he shouldn't bring it up? Or maybe he should because he knows that Albert is in sin and needs encouragement to repent? Or maybe Albert doesn't realize just how bad he hurt Brad? Brad is still responsible to forgive Albert whether Albert thinks he needs forgiveness or not. Because unforgivess often turns to bitterness which hinders Brad's relationship with God.

2. Or, and probably the "better" way-Albert is convicted by the Holy Spirit that what he did was wrong. He repents and seeks God's forgiveness. What now?? Scripturally is he required to ask Brad for forgiveness? We probably would all say yes he should! But where does it say that? What is accomplished by Albert doing that? Does he feel better? Probably. What of Brad's end? What if Brad isn't ready to forgive? He looks like the one with the problem now, not Albert. What then should Albert do? Is there other ways for him to make restitution to Brad? Maybe sometimes the only restitution is an apology??

Does this example help you see where the question is coming from? So, what do you think?

Monday, October 26, 2009


I want to go back and hit the forgiveness question some more to explain what I mean and give a specific example so you can see where I am heading. But because that example will bring Matthew 18 in, we'll bring that part up first.

In Matthew 18 we see the procedure we should use when (we think) someone has sinned against us.

15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. "

First step-GO to the person individually. Talk to them, let them know how what they are doing is sinful or against your rules or whatever your grievance is.
If you have made it clear why you are coming to them and they will not listen...

Second step- Get a witness or two and GO WITH them to your brother in Christ. What is the key word? WITH. This does not mean that Luke says to Andrew-"talk to Bartholomew, he won't listen to anything I say". The key is WITH so that Batholomew knows that it is Luke that send Andrew to talk about this serious issue. Whose responsibility is it to be sure Andrew does this? Obviously not Bart's, but Luke's. It is Luke's responsibility to make sure it happens correctly as HE is the one who initiated it.

If after an official discussion together andBart still won't listen, then Luke and Andrew...

3rd step- Tell it to the church. Here is a question-who is the church? If it is the common place of worship/fellowship/teaching, what if you don't live in the same area? Who is the church then? The larger sense of a body of believers?
How do you go about this? If Luke meets and talks to Frank who goes to church with Bart, is that good enough? What is Luke's responsibility? Here it doesn't say that Luke necessarily goes WITH the church, but does Luke have any responsibility to be sure Frank does anything? What is Frank doesn't have authority in the church? What if Frank never talks to Bart, let alone anyone else at church? Whose liable then?
When you go tell the church, WHO are you suppose to tell?? Is there still that principle where the church should say, "hey Bart, we ALONG WITH Luke want to talk to you...". The Church still has to know it is being a part of the Matthew 18 proceedings, otherwise Frank is just another witness like in step 2. And again, Luke can not delegate his role out. He can not say I followed Matthew 18 if he is not a part of every step and knows what and when and IF things were discussed, can he? Isn't it still Luke's job to be a part of the process to make sure it happens correctly, let alone happens at all?

And what about Bart? What is his role? First off, he needs to know and understand that Luke is coming at him in this way/that this procedure is taking place. It would be obvious to him if it was being done correctly. So if Bart doesn't know what is going on, something is wrong with the approach. Bart needs to be a part of the discussions if he is to have a chance to even accept the correction and repent. Does it have to be formal or in writing? Not always. In the business world everything is always documented, and when it involves discipline in the workforce, I would say 99.9% of the time there is a verbal warning, then 1 to 2 written warnings that must be signed by both parties so legally the business is covered. Often, we think because we are Christians we don't need to do it that way. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, we just need to love and trust each other...sounds great, but we are human also! Perspectives, words/emails, who is doing what...without documentation hurts abound.

If Luke goes through all three steps, and Bart knows about all three steps and he refuses to repent, then we are to let him be as a heathen. The point of this post is not so much about the end result of the proceedings, but the process, so I am going to leave that part for now.

What is your responsibility when you know that no repentance will happen based on what you do? We are at step 2 on a situation. We know that proceeding with step 3 won't change anything this side of the heaven. Are we still required to go on? What is the end goal of this procedure? We've been hurt and stolen from-we called it out, but nothing will erase that hurt. Sure we seek justice, but is that the right reason? Even if not the "right reason", is it all wrong? If Matthew 18 is to restore a brother into a right relationship with God, what do you do when the other person doesn't think they have done anything wrong or worse yet, they just don't care? You know they are not going to accept the correction. Who are you seeking to restore the relationship with? You and them? May never happen. Them and God? It would seem if that is the end goal, you MUST continue on to the end.

How accountable are we to and for our brothers and sisters in Christ? If we know "what's right is right..." but we don't act on it, what good is what's right? Doesn't the song say if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything?
How do we know our responsibilities in each situation of life? Where's the checkoff list??!! If we don't make the decision, but we know it is wrong and go along with it anyway, are we held accountable? Or are our leaders just in for an "extra dose"? We know from Scripture that pastors and other church leaders will be held to a higher standard, but who constitutes the leader? Only the president? What about the VPs, the department heads...

I guess I am running in circles now and really spreading this out. But what are your thoughts? Have you were been involved on either side of Matthew 18, and how did that play out for you?

Saturday, October 24, 2009


So in visiting with friends the other night, this question came up:

Is it BIBLICAL for me to ask my friend for forgiveness when I wrong him?

Not extra-biblical, not it's a really good idea, but where is is SCRIPTURALLY?

Not passing judgement here, just where is it actually in scripture? We know we are suppose to repent with God, but then?

By asking forgiveness, what do we accomplish? Are we shifting the responsibility now to the other person to forgive us or not? To what end? To make us feel better? Not that it isn't often a good idea to ask it, but let's face it-sometimes it's not. Because if the other person can't right then (maybe they just aren't ready), they look like the bad person. Or they say they forgive because that is what they are "suppose" to say, but they may not really mean it.

We are still to seek to restore the relationship, often making restitiution as necessary (not just finacially), but do we seek THEIR forgiveness???

What do you think? And can you back it up???

Thursday, October 22, 2009

whys/why nots

We feel we are needing/wanting/able to share a few of the whys and why nots as to our departure. As is human nature and curiosity, people would like more info and many do deserve it. There are many who would like some answers but are afraid or unsure if they should ask, so they ask others and half-truths are passed as fact.

We seek to do our best NOT to defend ourselves. That is hard. We want justice and the truth to be told. But the Lord continues to tell us, "Be quiet. I was silent in front of my accusers, my Father defended me, and He will defend you." Easier said than done when one day is as a thousand to Him!

-we did not leave because we couldn't adapt to the culture. Regular readers know the opposite to be true. We were able to integrate into the culture and fit in well. We have a wonderful appreciation letter from a village elder and one of the headmen saying how accepted our family was. We had others too, but they were stolen from us on the last day. :-(
-we are not leaving due to the stress and burnout we were in. While a factor in how things played out, those were not the actual causes.
-we did not leave because we WANTED to-but we knew it was something we HAD to do.

The SIMPLE explanation is this:
-having lived, breathed, and worked the project for almost a year, we realized that our mission philosophies and visions for the project (agriculutrally, academically, and otherwise) were no longer compatible with the agency's. We let the leadership know this at different times and in different ways throughout the year. WE were seeking some way to stay and work at the project despite this, but could come to no working agreement on how this could happen. So, since this was the agency's project and not ours, we were obviously the ones who need to leave.

That's the simple explanation. Problem is, life isn't simple. That explantion doesn't reveal the whos, the whys and the hows of how things played out to get to the point of leaving. We have written out quite a bit about the feelings, the emotions, the hurts that we went through. Just doing that takes a lot of time and energy and emotion for us right now. How much of it will we post? We don't know yet. This has always been a personal blog about our processing and our faith journey, so we'd like to share much of it. But we don't want it to appear or come across as saying anything it isn't. We all know emails and letters and postings can be intrepted in many different ways. A simple sentence like, "no, we really don't need any more" can be heard in a person's head as sarcastic and critical, or just as a fact. We've had too many instances where someone has read WAY MORE into a statement than it was written in. So we are still working on what we will say or not. It is vital for our own healing that we discuss and process things though.

Now, what does it mean that our philosphies/visions were no longer compatible? Well, without discussing everything just yet (please email us if you would like more particulars), it means that the way some things were being done we didn't see as culturally relevant, or maybe that it would not work where we were (due to elevation, climate, etc)... there were things related to the project, things related to the ministry as a whole, just things that we didn't feel we could keep silent and be a part of. Just some things we could not go along with.

Both we and our agency went into this relationship pretty blind. We'd never been on the mission field; they'd never sent. We didn't know the questions to ask and neither did they. We went on the field without a job description. We were the guinea pigs-the first ones. And we all know what happens to the guinea pigs...

We don't regret going to Zambia in the least. We did not miss what God called us to do; we did what we were called to do. It just didn't look or end the way we thought it would. But how can we say when everything is peaches and cream that God is great and God is soverign--but then when our vision doesn't match His, He's not? Or can we even say "man-we really screwed up God's plan!" Like He doesn't know what's going on? We are, and were, right where God wanted us-dependent on Him, seeking Him, having to trust Him.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

working out the problems

A HUGE THANK YOU to Rob, who showed me how to find the data on my computer that I lost!! I was able to recover all but the info for one program I wanted. But I DID find all my emails!! Thank you Rob!!

Brian's brother Tim is now working on cleaning up the computer, updating everything from the last year and getting it ready to use again. I think he is almost done, so should have the computer up and running by the end of the weekend. THANKS TIM!

We have a large pile of posts that are already written and need to be typed, and also a list of phrases and situations that we need to finish writing about.

Of course it snowed the day after we arrived here. Everyone has been or is currently sick with something-sore throat, fever, cough-the icks. Some it lasts a day, others two or three. Pray for our health. Henry is teething again too. :-( He had a tooth poke through, then was happy for 3 days, but now is chewing away again. Most of the kids are sleeping pretty good, but Mom and Dad still are not.

PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR HOUSING SITUATION. We need somewhere to move into and try and get settled. We are still guests in Brian's parent's home and there is always stress. Henry needs to be able to cry some of his night waking out, but we don't feel we can (he is a real screamer at night!) Our stuff is still in bins and boxes, we need to start school, we just need to relax. Pray that we would find somewhere to rent soon. We still don't know where God is going to lead us next and we probably won't know for awhile. We keep trying to remember we've only been home for about a week...

Talking to our pastor, he told us he doesn't expect us to do too much for at least two months. We should be taking time to process, REST, get reoriented and reacclaimated, try to set up a family life/routine. Many who read this blog are in ministry too. You understand any involvement in minstry wipes you out-emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically. And any extended involvement in ministry without any kind of break...just think of the stress on our bodies physically alone.

We appreciate your prayers and continued support. You have been the hands and feet of Jesus to us as you encourage and serve through your financial support, prayers and notes of encouragement. We thank the Lord for you!

Monday, October 12, 2009

new numbers

Just wanted to pass on our new phone numbers.

Kelly 320-444-6501
Brian 320-444-4849

We will be happy to talk with you at any time and answer any questions or concerns or whatever else that we may be able to. We have so appreciated your many expressions of support and encouragement over the past few years. We continue to walk out our faith and are encouraged that you continue to be part of the journey! As Oswald Chambers said (paraphrased)-it is the PROCESS, not the destination that is the end to God.

(And for those of you still sending me your emails-I do not need any prayer letters or newsletters that I sent-I do have copies of those on another drive. THANKS!)

Saturday, October 10, 2009

oh no oh no oh no!!!

I do not know how it happened or why, but my computer rebooted to start up mode! AAGH!! That means I have lost all the files, pictures, and emails!!
I am asking a BIG FAVOR here!!!
Many of you sent us wonderful notes of encouragement over the last year. Would you be willing to RESEND any emails you have FROM or TO us?? You should be able to do a search in your "deleted" or "sent items" folders and then resend them. Or, you may have a "Kallevig" folder where you save things like we do, and just resend that folder too.
This would such a blessing and help to us and a sweet momento of our time in Zambia!

Friday, October 9, 2009


We bought a van. It is a 12 passenger 2007 Ford E350, a burgundy color :-) and only 38,000 miles!

It is pretty nice. Brian's dad had been looking for us for the last while. Both he and Brian's brother Tim looked at it and asked what we thought. The guy really wanted to move it, so we got a GREAT price.

Not too odd of a thing for us-almost everyone we know in Africa buys their vehicles online without seeing them anyway!

Thursday, October 8, 2009


I guess you could say we are "home". Halfway through the London flight Henry finally perked up.

We plan to write more about our final goodbyes in the next few days, especially one situation that happened on our last day at the school.

We are called to be obedient no matter the cost. We have done that, and in some cases it has been to our detriment (on earth). But we don't look for the praises of men, as nice as that would be! We are all accountable to the Lord. We have (tried) to stand up for what is right, even when it is not "convenient" for us. Sometimes we have to suffer through a trial on earth. But truthfully-we do have JOY through it. NOT happy/feeling joy-but joy in the Lord. Joy is doing what He called us to do. Joy that we have had just a taste of His suffering (and more will come!).

Are you willing to drink from that cup too? To take the PRIVILEGE of drinking from Christ's cup?

And YES!! We do plan on continuing to blog. This is our personal blog about our faith journey. It has never been a blog about the school, we've just written about it, because that is where we were. Sure, we were/are missionaries and we hope this blog gave you a small taste of what a first term missionary may being going through.

But this blog is about "it". What is it??

So, just what is "it"? "It" is our faith in Jesus Christ. "It" is our Christian walk. "It" is following our call-our call to be obedient to Christ. "It" is loving those around us, whether here or in Zambia, Africa. "It" is what we are all called to be. "It" is furthering the kingdom of Christ. "It" is a personal relationship with Christ. "It" is being totally devoted to my Lord and King and following wherever He may lead me.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

prayer requests

We are in London right now.

Please pray for Henry. He has been having a fever and diarrhea. He is also chewing his fingers a lot, so most of it is teething, but not fun nevertheless.

Myron has had a fever too off and on, but seems to be doing better.

Have an 8 hour flight tomorrow, then the 2 hour to Minneapolis.

We got on the plane okay. Had to take one bag apart and make it into two, but it worked out!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

what's next?

That is a question I do not have a solid long term answer for. I just do not know. I think it is the first time in my life that I really have no idea. Can you imagine how hard that is? Being a husband and father and not knowing or having any real plan. Our plan is to go back to the states and rest. Take the necessary time to process and heal from our last year. Does that mean it was a terrible year? NO just a hard one. One that has taken its toll on us but one we would not trade for anything. Our FATHER has opened a whole new world to us. We have seen that HE has gifted us in areas that we did not know. HE has uniquely equipped us for HIS service. That is exciting but it does not answer “what’s next?” There are things we need to do before we can answer that. There will be some short term things I am sure. I got some very good advice from a missionary over here that has been through a lot, he said I need to keep doing my assignments. What does that mean? Read, study, prepare, whatever that might be. It’s not just sitting and doing nothing as you wait for the Lord’s direction. You need to be prepared for when FATHER calls you into HIS service. HE is not going to call if you are not ready.

There are some things that we were told we must do when we get back to the States to heal up. There are 4 areas that we must work on. First one is the physical. It is essentially the easiest. We need to sleep, eat well, exercise, and do some light physical labor. But mainly rest- we are run down and it is beginning to show. Very few of us have had a good night sleep in the last 2 months and I especially feel that I am running on fumes. It will need to be more than just a couple of days of rest. My problem has always been I start feeling better and than go out and do too much and wind up having a set back. I am really going to need to guard against that. The other 3 areas will take more time and they are the mental, emotional and spiritual. These are the areas inside and have often been the most neglected. There is a lot of processing that needs to be done to assist in the healing of these areas. You need to look at the questions you have (the why?) and be willing to understand and except that you may not get all the answers and that is okay. And you must come to a point of surrender. That is what I am seeing for myself. FATHER has brought me to a place and has shown me that I have some very important areas that I need to surrender to HIM and then let HIM do with them as HE sees fit.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

We had a really good time on holiday. We made several new friends and that was very special and meaningful for us. It is somewhat a strange experience to have people you have only known for a few days to pray over you and even weep over you and with you-a group of people completely open to the Holy Spirit’s direction. We felt such a kinship with these people even though we had only been in the field for a year and these couples had been in the field for 7 to 50 years. The combined years of service of these 6 couples and one single was well over a 100 years of service to the Lord in the mission field. You want to know what I liked so much. There was no fluff. These were straight up, straight shooting, no B. S. kind of people- they called it just like they see it, they did not over spiritualize anything. It just is what it is. Their insight and understanding of missions and the mission field and the culture was/is priceless. There are a lot of wonderful things happening in the mission field but there is also often a thing called “a miscarriage of vision” that is also happening and it is not as rare as one would like to think or hope. My philosophy of missions has changed by being a full time missionary and not a part timer. The picture is much clearer and fuller by living in the field. It is something a part timer can not see and must take the word of the full timer. I plan to try and articulate at a later time what I mean. There is a very clear theme among missionaries in the field about what does and does not work in very specific areas of mission philosophy. The Lord has given us a huge gift by being here this last year. He has opened our eyes to many things that could only be opened by being here. Our challenge is to process, remember, apply, and share what we have see and been taught

Friday, October 2, 2009


There are many things we would appreciate your prayers for:

--chief among them right now are the dogs. We need to at least have arrangements that someone will be taking them before we leave on Tuesday. We have had a few people interested, but no one has decided for sure. We actually considered leaving them at the school to guard the shop and so forth, but they didn’t want them. Of course many of the nationals would love to have them, but quite frankly, that would be too dangerous. They just don’t see dogs as pets the way we do, and when you can barely feed your own family, buying dog food is not a priority. If these dogs aren’t feed, they will get extremely dangerous. And Elijah as the man still likes to assert his authority every once in a while, so you have to show him who is boss, and that also would not be very safe. So please pray we would get a family who would like them before Monday otherwise we will have to put them down.

--we are back to the school today (Friday) to then have Saturday and Sunday to finish the last minute details and packing. People will be coming for last goodbyes too. Please pray we have time to get everything done and not feel too rushed and be able to enjoy the last few days. Pray the packing goes well.

--pray for our flights-especially for Henry. We have an 8 hour flight to London first, then an overnight. The next flight is 10 hours, then a 3 hour layover (for customs and whatnot) at Chicago, and the last 2 hour flight to MSP. Henry is very busy and very LOUD when he doesn’t get his way! Pray he will travel well.

--continue to pray for our housing when we get back to Minnesota

--pray for our income. We so appreciate the many of you that are continuing to financially support us through this period of transition. Yes, Brian will need a job; but honestly, that is not our first priority for when we get back, and would not be the healthiest for us as a family. We need time to debrief, transition, and heal some wounds. This last week at the missionary care seminar taught us some things we need to do when we get back for everyone’s sake.


--we meet and were ministered to by such a wonderful group of missionaries, now friends, this last week. What a humbling experience to have people we had just met weep over us in prayer! It was like being in our prayer group back home! We love these guys!

--We had a great time at Livingstone. We have some awesome pictures of us about 10 feet away from the edge of the Falls. We said fun things like “heart attack” when we took the pictures for the Grandmas. We’ll post some pictures and notes on those too. Had a few elephants get mad at us too!