HOSTAGE!!

Today we did a simulation. Brian awoke with a migraine, so he didn’t think this would be a great idea to be yelled at or in a closed area with a lot of other people. The sickness has spread about the community here, so there were a few others not involved. Basically we were a mission group that got split up, then a group of 12 of us were hiding in an attic of a hospital with some food and water. Different scenarios and questions were posed to us to decide what to do with.
First we had to organize our group. We didn’t do this very well-as in who was going to do what to stay there long term. You know me-I need to be organized! Next we had to decide if we would let in some national believers with three others whom we didn’t know, but the believers did. This would affect our food and water situation, there was the possibility there was an informer in the group, etc. We had to discuss if we should take them, if there was any other way, if we were already exposed. Our group took them in.
The next scenario had us deciding which 5 of the 12 were going to be able to get out on a plane. At this point all we knew was that our kids were safe-no word on our spouses. There were 3 single gals, 3 married (2 with small children), 1 single guy, 5 married guys (3 with children). This decision wasn’t super hard. We decided the women with small children would go, some of the single gals (not the nurse in case they needed here), and one of the guys with kids would go to help get us to the plane.
Well, then we found out about our other group-they were all okay. But they knew about the plane too, so we were now down to 3 people who could go. In our group, it was me and the other mom, and then a single gal. Again, these decisions didn’t seem too difficult. We looked at the rationalizations of who could run/was fairly healthly, who might be more threatened (women/rape), whose spouse would go for children (we had to assume what our spouse would tell us to do). Part of me wanted to stay so I didn’t “miss” out on what was happening, but I knew Brian would expect me to go. So I really didn’t fight it too much.
Well, of course, we were never actually able to get anyone out of there. Stealing our hope a little?
Then came the toughie. Actually, I don’t feel the decision itself was that tough, our group was all on one page pretty much. We had two of the older people volunteer, and we voted and accepted it. That’s when the tears started flowing. They “fired” the shots right next to us-they commanded for two more to come out. Without hesitation one married and one single guy went out. Again-shots. Come out, see the bodies. Take a break.
As I come up the stairs I am trying to finish crying without blubbering, Brian sees me and quite frankly is fairly upset. It makes him angry to see me upset in any way. (I still have a headache from not finishing my cry-or emotional release, whatever you want to call it. I call it 5 days in a room with sick kids! Or maybe Brian should be the one crying as he’s been in the room with Myron the most)
So of course we meet to discuss what we thought, felt. Brian and I talked in the room some (he was with Myron). Brian was okay with not doing this simulation, partly because he knows (or doesn’t know?) what he is capable of when his family is threatened. He is not sure how he would handle it, and wouldn’t want to let others see how he would handle it. Plus, he just didn’t think he would be able to fully allow himself to engage in the simulation.
What did I feel? I am not sure. You are just kind of in the moment. You know it is a simulation, but yet you are suppose to make it real…I guess I was a little surprised that I let the guys really take the lead and not have to be involved in that leadership. I usually don’t like to be the one making the decisions, but I generally like being involved in how the leadership will work. I really didn’t feel a need to. I (as we all did) threw out points for consideration, but I really didn’t take a lead role as I thought I might have.
I thought our group ran very well. Everyone was heard who wanted to be, so I guess I was a little surprised to see half the hands raised in thinking they wouldn’t be able to live for 3 or 4 years with the same decision making process that we had. I don’t know, I was very comfortable, at least for that short of a time. Over the long term, who knows? That’s where all that personality style/conflict style stuff comes in…oh yeah, haven’t written on that yet.