The other day I was talking to someone about a question that I have been thinking about. It is somewhat a similar to the question he is asking himself in a little different area of occupation. The question I am trying to answer is: was I called to missions or to our agency?
If it was just to the agency, than my call is over. But if it was to missions, is that call over? Or is the call still there? And if it is still there, what does that mean? That is the BIG question I am wrestling with right now. And the possible answers scare me. There is a part of me that just wants to find a job here, gain some security. Sit on my butt, do life, go to church and forget about the rest. Just be satisfied with the status quo. Most people are, why not me? Why do I feel I am supposed to do more? I really am not sure that I want to. Part of the reason why is because I have been struggling with “stuff” that I have not struggled with in years and it bothers me a lot. Two years ago I felt like I took 3 steps forward and in the last year it feels like I have taken 6 steps back. I know that is one reason why I am wrestling more with the question. I don’t feel good enough, spiritual enough, to be a missionary again. Then again maybe I am not supposed to.