grieving

Actually I have been for a couple of weeks now (going through all the stages). Why? Our/MY pastor resigned today. Mike wasn’t just my pastor; he is one of my best friends. He is a guy I can tell anything and I mean anything to. You know how you hold back stuff from your pastor because he is your pastor-well, I don’t. He taught me by modeling for me what it truly means to be a Sheppard of a flock. You go after your lost, hurt and wounded and you bring them back and you tend to them. He is a guy who loves the unlovable. Where many others would just as soon right off the down-and-outers, he goes after them, loves them right where they are at, and gives them a listening ear. He walks with them through the shit of life. If that does not model Christ, I guess I don’t know what does. Jesus himself told the Pharisees that he came for the sick and the hurting-not the ones that “think” that they are well/perfect. I actually had my former director tell me that my pastor was one of the most ungodly people he had ever talked to, all because he spoke the Truth. He cared more about people (me and my family) than any project. I guess that is why I always had more loyalty to my pastor/church than my agency. Truth is, he was one of just a few at our church who were there for us, advocated/supported us when we got back. We always had a feeling that there are more than a few others who would have gladly just said don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. He resigned for reasons that I will not get into here. All I will say is, it breaks my heart seeing how far the “church” has gone away from what Christ called the church to be.

PASTOR WHO?

Mike has always said he does not want his name remembered but Christ’s. Thing is, when I see him-I see Christ. He has been the hands and feet of Jesus to me and my family. I can say that about several others but sadly most are not from my home church.
So what do I do? I grieve. He will be leaving, going wherever the Lord leads. Just look at what he has already done-he came from the WARM South to Minnesota (quite the big deal for him!), and he will go WHEREVER God tells him.
I know it is a part of God’s plan but that does not necessarily mean I have to like it. There is a lot that God does that I don’t necessary like, so it is nothing new.
I have had a hard time writing this post, emotions are a tricky/raw thing. I’m angry, disappointed, my heart aches. Bottom line is I’m here for Mike and he is there for me, that is how it works.
And Shepherd Gibbons, thank you. I love you brother. You have taught and shown me so much-more than you realize. I know that part of the reason God called you here was for me-to be here for me. And I thank Father for that. For knowing me so well that HE knows exactly what and who I need in my life.

Now Mike …aim, exhale, squeeze, repeat...