Decisions, Decisions

Do I really want to move to Africa? Am I excited? Not so sure those are the words I would use to describe how I feel. Right now the only reason I can think of not to go is because it will be hard-hard work, physically, spiritually, mentally. I mean, come on-Africa-with six kids under the age of 10! Just the work of day to day surviving without constant electricity, growing your own food, etc. Sorry, exciting doesn’t quite fit the bill (although it does excite Brian!). But I don’t want that to be my only reason for not going. I don’t want to not go because I am lazy or selfish. If we are supposed to go, I will go.
It’s a little funny-some in my family think Brian is the one pushing for this and some in his family think it is me (which I have to laugh- I would WANT to go to Africa with 6 kids, no electricity… It takes most of a day just to survive here in the states with 6 kids).
Ultimately though this will be Brian’s decision as to where the Lord is leading us.
Early in our marriage I ran the show-the way the house ran, decisions, spiritual leadership-and Brian let me. I always prayed for a strong spiritual leader for a husband. The key word being strong, as this is what I wanted, but I didn’t want to give up my control either! I didn’t realize that I was going to be the one changed. In the last few years I have really allowed Brian to lead. Six or seven years ago he wasn’t ready and I certainly wasn’t either! But I was still praying for him to be that leader. And when God really got a hold of Brian’s life four years ago, things changed. He clearly stepped up to lead and it was easy (easier anyway) for me to let him than I ever thought it would be. A book I would highly recommend is “Created To Be His Helpmeet” by Debi Pearl. I always preface that recommendation that it’s pretty in your face and not the kind of book most “modern” woman are going to want to read. I don’t agree with everything that she says in there, but she speaks some truths that I know I really needed to hear, and I am a different, and better wife because of it. One testimony of a reader tells how she started to read it, and then literally threw it across the room. But she immediately picked it back up and continued reading and her marriage was changed. Enough on that. If you want to borrow it, I have two copies. Brian also has an excellent book called “Family Man, Family Leader” by Phillip Lancaster that the men out there could borrow.
Anyway, back to Africa and deciding to go. I am 100% confident and willing to follow where by husband leads. Yes, there have been times where I haven’t been quite as sure as he was on a path to follow. We talked about it, prayed about it, and ultimately went in the direction he felt led. Things may not always work out the way we thought, but we have trusted God and He has honored our obedience, working things out HIS way.
I do not feel I have to go to Africa to weigh in/help Brian with this decision. With the many people praying for us, the prayers we constantly lift up for wisdom and guidance, and the many answered prayers and confirmations we have already received, I just am confident that we will both know together what we are to do. If Brian says yes, but I get a legitimate feeling of hesitancy (not just fear or laziness), than that is matter that we will discuss and pray about. Brian doesn’t dictatorially lead our family. He values my opinions and insights, but when the rubber hits the road, it is his decision. And it is my role to follow. I think of Sarah, Abraham’s wife. Did Abraham talk it over with Sarah; ask her permission to go wherever God was to send them? Did Moses ask his wife if they should go to Egypt? The Bible doesn’t record any conversations where these guys asked permission of their wives to follow God, they didn’t even ask them what they thought. They had a clear call from God and they were going to obey, and their families with them. I am sure there were some interesting discussions about the whole thing and the whole process, but when it came down to it, those women obeyed God by following and supporting their husbands. You know, in any other culture but our American one, my choice to completely follow Brian wouldn’t be questioned. Heck, my opinion wouldn’t even be asked, it would just be expected that I follow whatever Brian says. God has richly blessed our family through our obedience, through our following Him, through our living out the roles He has called us to. I am so grateful that my husband is the prophet, priest and king of our household, and that is striving after and to be in the will of our awesome Prophet, Priest, and King, Jehovah.