Right now I am sitting on top of Mt. Kaziemba. I got and headed out at about 6:30 am. God answered my prayers as well as many others prayers last night. It was the best night sleep I have gotten yet. I was thinking I was going to eat breakfast first, and then take my malaria meds and go. But as I prayed about it this morning when I got up, I clearly felt lead to come straight up here. I packed up my bible and notebook along with plenty of water. I brought the camera, my meds and a few snacks if need be. Basically I got up here and said, “God, I am here. I am not leaving until I get some clarity.” I asked him why I was struggling- that’s what I need clarity on. I first read through Psalm 119. Much of that chapter spoke to me. After about an hour of reading, the clarity came. I thought back to a prayer time with a friend a few weeks before leaving. As we prayed, he said he sensed God was going to give or bestow on me an uncommon clarity and vision for what needs to be done. An ability to see things that others can’t see. I have sought counsel from others, now I am the point man.
God just started clearly saying this is what you are struggling with, this is why you are struggling with it, and now what are you going to do about it?
It is amazing to see how the notes (that Kelly sent) speak to me where I am at each day. I look back and I see God’s hand in this every step of the way, and yet I still question if this is really what God wants me/us to do. So I keep asking for one more sign, one more confirmation. Father, forgive me for my lack of faith. You’ve been with me every step of the way. I do not sense God saying no at all. Question: is that God saying yes, or is that God waiting for me to say yes? Say yes and then wait-begin the planning and preparation and trust it will all come together in God’s time? I’ve said in the past that I will continue to go forward until God closed the door. Now I stand at the door and I’m hesitating, questioning whether I should go through the door I believe is open. Yet the door to the farm is still open too, but I know God is not calling me there. God revealed that one thing that is holding me back is-I’m afraid this might really be hard on Kel. This life is not easy; we will experience challenges like we never have and we will need to rely on God like we never have. I am probably not giving Kelly enough credit. I know she can do it. I just don’t like to see her struggle. Yet growth comes from trials. And to try to protect her from that (from what God wants to do in her life) would be a great disservice to her. I should not get in the way of what God wants to do and how he wants to use my wife.
The other thing I’ve been struggling with is being called to farm for God. Well, "Our Daily Bread" just now spoke directly to that. At first I didn't think it had anything to do with me. But as I read, it made sense. The text was Exodus 35:30-35. Just a portion: "[The Lord] has filled him with the Spirit of God...to design artistic works." It was talking about no matter what you do, do it for the glory of God. God created us with different gifts. When your gift is powered by the Spirit of God, our work-whatever it is-can draw others to God, cause then to praise and worship Him. I never dreamed that farming in Africa would be my calling. I’ve known for years that God has called me to serve Him. I always thought it was going to be in more of a “traditional” church role. Not this. But then I’ve never really hit the mark yet as far as forecasting where God has been leading.
There is going to be much to learn. I am going to need to be the leader God has called me to be, not just for my family (there first of course), but also for the people here. For that to happen I MUST be walking with the Lord and above reproach.
It is amazing to see how the notes (that Kelly sent) speak to me where I am at each day. I look back and I see God’s hand in this every step of the way, and yet I still question if this is really what God wants me/us to do. So I keep asking for one more sign, one more confirmation. Father, forgive me for my lack of faith. You’ve been with me every step of the way. I do not sense God saying no at all. Question: is that God saying yes, or is that God waiting for me to say yes? Say yes and then wait-begin the planning and preparation and trust it will all come together in God’s time? I’ve said in the past that I will continue to go forward until God closed the door. Now I stand at the door and I’m hesitating, questioning whether I should go through the door I believe is open. Yet the door to the farm is still open too, but I know God is not calling me there. God revealed that one thing that is holding me back is-I’m afraid this might really be hard on Kel. This life is not easy; we will experience challenges like we never have and we will need to rely on God like we never have. I am probably not giving Kelly enough credit. I know she can do it. I just don’t like to see her struggle. Yet growth comes from trials. And to try to protect her from that (from what God wants to do in her life) would be a great disservice to her. I should not get in the way of what God wants to do and how he wants to use my wife.
The other thing I’ve been struggling with is being called to farm for God. Well, "Our Daily Bread" just now spoke directly to that. At first I didn't think it had anything to do with me. But as I read, it made sense. The text was Exodus 35:30-35. Just a portion: "[The Lord] has filled him with the Spirit of God...to design artistic works." It was talking about no matter what you do, do it for the glory of God. God created us with different gifts. When your gift is powered by the Spirit of God, our work-whatever it is-can draw others to God, cause then to praise and worship Him. I never dreamed that farming in Africa would be my calling. I’ve known for years that God has called me to serve Him. I always thought it was going to be in more of a “traditional” church role. Not this. But then I’ve never really hit the mark yet as far as forecasting where God has been leading.
There is going to be much to learn. I am going to need to be the leader God has called me to be, not just for my family (there first of course), but also for the people here. For that to happen I MUST be walking with the Lord and above reproach.
Lord, reveal the answer to Kel in her heart. I pray that this last week and a half she’s experienced You, Your presence in a new way. She’s an amazing woman Lord. I love your daughter, Father. You have blessed me unbelievably. Thank you!! Thank you for hearing me, you always hear me.
(This is a view of Mt. Kaziemba from a possible building site for a house. The picture doesn’t do it justice. It is the highest point around; but it’s hard to tell by this picture. The 2nd picture is partway down the mountain, looking out over part of the college.)
(This is a view of Mt. Kaziemba from a possible building site for a house. The picture doesn’t do it justice. It is the highest point around; but it’s hard to tell by this picture. The 2nd picture is partway down the mountain, looking out over part of the college.)
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