"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Thursday, May 7, 2009


One of the things we were told to do a while back was to write done what GOD is teaching us. For awhile that has not been getting done. It takes time, you need to reflect back, process, and meditate. Have not take much time to do that as of late. Well, kel asked me the other night when we were talking about things, “what is God trying to teach you?” You could say “what isn’t HE??” But there have been a few things that have stood out. 1: making this school successful on my own is NOT my job. I have been carrying a burden that is not mine to carry. That is very hard for me. I sometimes see potential pitfalls or future problems that could be avoided potentially if certain measures were taken, but it is not my job. I also do not have the authority to do anything about it. That is hard for me. When I was farming, I was owner, operator, and the only employee. That really simplifies things. When I made a decision and it didn’t work out, I was the only one to blame. I actually prefer that. That kind of responsibility does not bother me. Having to wait or not being understood or believed does. Many times with the nationals I will share things about “stuff” and you can see in there eyes, they do not believe what you are saying. And there is no way to convince them. All you are trying to do is help them, and they will not accept it. But that supersedes all cultures. 2: if someone does not want help or will not except it, you can not give it to them. I really struggle seeing people suffer or struggle. I naturally want to help. But some just prefer to do it the hard way or they are just unwilling to change. Most times that is because of pride. Pride: a cancer to the soul. The other day I had a friend/ local worker come to me asking what he needed to do to come back to work at the school. There were some things that happened here that he got caught up in but was not guilty of. His response after that to some people was not good, so I told him he needed to go and apologize to those people for not showing them the proper respect that they were due for the position of authority that they were in. He has refused to do that. I asked someone the other day if he had; he had told him that he could not do that. It is sad when pride makes you deaf and blind. But that is what it does when it goes unchecked and unchallenged for a long period of time. Only GOD can break it then, and it is never pretty. I speak from experience. God continues to soften my heart towards people I don’t really like, but HE loves.

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