Over the course of the last three months, numerous people have gently reminded/encouraged us not to become bitter over the way certain things happened and have turned out. I think for the most part we can safely say that we are no longer bitter. That “bile” feeling doesn’t rise up from the gut when we think of certain people or events. While talking to another mission agency the other day I shared about what happened leading up to our leaving. I did specifically say I didn’t think we are bitter any longer and he commented that he didn’t hear any bitterness in my voice, so that is good.
I will very readily admit that Satan was having his way with us for those first few days. We were literally just barely surviving and there were lots of things spewing from our mouths (right FB friends?!)
What we instead feel is mostly sadness. Sadness on different fronts-sad that we aren’t there and are missing our friends. Sadness at the struggles our kids have and that they are sad and missing Zambia. Sadness that things happened the way they did, when they really didn’t have to. Sadness that some people refuse to see...various things. There is still a lot of disbelief and disappointment. Again, there is a strong belief in common sense-to get from point A to point B the straight line is the easiest path.
We still think about things and would appreciate certain answers. But let’s face it, they won’t satisfy. There are a few people we’d like to talk to about why they did things a certain way. But then other times we wonder why? What’s the point? It won’t change anything. There is just not the same heaviness-it’s different now.
There is heaviness there…yet a relief. We can watch and see how things are playing out, but know they aren’t our responsibility any longer.
There is heaviness…for lost relationships.
There is heaviness…for those who want to do something; but can’t or won’t (for any number of reasons, including and especially fear).
There is heaviness…for our own friends and family. We’ve all changed.
The heaviness is a sorrow. A sorrow as we share in Christ’s sufferings and sorrows. But thankfully, wonderfully, Christ is also the lifter of our heads.
(FYI-yes, we are talking to different kinds of people/places. Anyone who contacts us or gives us information on someone to contact, we are willing to talk to about any kind of opportunities that might be out there. We now have contacts all over the world that also put out our name as someone to talk to when they hear of an opportunity. We really don’t know where God wants us next, so we are open to whatever or wherever that may be. The answer to the call is still going to be “YES”. )
No comments:
Post a Comment