"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Friday, February 25, 2011


I went ahead and did it. And boy I am relieved.

Last week from Thursday night to about Monday I was feeling "things". What kind of things, I don't know. I suppose round ligament pain, growing pains, maybe Braxton Hicks, lots of indigestion...just things. Nothing severe, I knew it wasn't contractions. And so as I tried to think these all mean good things.
Now I am around 16 weeks pregnant, but due to my tilted uterus, I won't feel movement until somewhere between 18 and 20 weeks. So I knew they weren't baby movements, which really would have gone a long way in assuring me!
But truthfully I was very nervous. Not two weeks before had I heard the baby's heartbeat; but well, that was two weeks ago. Let me just say how annoyed I am that I still get all fearful so easily. Really, I mean it's not like this isn't my 10th pregnancy or anything (6 live births, just so no one is confused). But every one really is different. And since I just proved to myself that I can't remember part of a conversation from 15 minutes earlier, why in the world would I think that I could remember how I usually feel during pregnancy?!

In traveling around the baby world online trying to figure out what I was feeling, I saw someone make mention renting a fetal doppler. I didn't think much of it again until later that night as I looked around some more. So I found www.babybeat.com. They rent dopplers monthly or on three and six month plans and even sell them. Brian told me that if it was what I needed right now to have some peace to go ahead and do it. I got this one and began waiting not so patiently for it to arrive. I rented it just for a few months, figuring once the baby was active I wouldn't need it.
Arrive it finally did. I listened to the instructions and read the manual. Locked myself in the bedroom and very nervously gave it a try.
You can not imagine the.relief.I.felt. as that heartbeat rang out loud, clear, and strong.

I have no idea how many times I will use it in the next few months, but just knowing I can whenever I need to, for me, is priceless right now. I'll probably end up using it more than I think because the kids enjoy it too.

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