“THE PROCESS IS THE END. FOR IT IS THE PROCESS THAT IS GLORIFYING TO GOD.” --Oswald Chambers

"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Sunday, February 20, 2011

joy

So what brings me joy? Honestly, I don’t know anymore. I am such a melancholy person as it is; I just don’t get really excited about anything. Did you have a good time at coffee? Yeah, it was fine. Did you have fun at the retreat? Yeah, I guess so. Really, I just don’t seem to feel one way or the other about a lot of the things. (Brian says I have always been like this, since we started dating.) Maybe it is because I don’t take the time to think about (whatever I did) because that would take reflecting and well, thinking. In the moment I am probably enjoying it, but when I think about it later, I just don’t seem to feel one way or another. I wonder if it is partly because I just rarely seem to do anything-except live life in the daily, so I view everything through the daily. Are there enough good things happening, and some bad things that have to be dealt with that there isn’t time for the great things? I doubt many would believe me or understand this, but by 2-3 pm at the latest, I am done with my day-school, housework, etc, -I somewhat shut down. There are plenty of things I could do, maybe should, but by that time, I have done all the dailys, so it feels like the day is done. I really don’t even like to leave the house that much in the evening. If I have things to do, I prefer to do them right away in the morning and just be home for the rest of the day. I get up an hour earlier than the kids to have alone time before the noise of the day begins, then it’s right on to breakfast, school and lunch. And if we don’t have school done by lunch, it’s a battle to get everyone back to work afterwards. (I cannot imagine my kids at a public school-they would have such a hard time sitting for that long of a day!)
Anyway. I suppose I should think about it some. I suppose I should first try to get what “joy” is. Because I know it isn’t just a happy feeling. Do I like to read? Yes. Does that give me joy? I don’t know. I love to talk to Brian about just about anything. Is that joy? I’ll enjoy playing a few songs on the piano or singing some songs, is that joy?
What gives you joy and how do you know it brings you joy?
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