So no, really, just how are you? Hmmm…how to answer? Most of the time we are just fine, we are just cruising through life…it is what it is. We live, we eat, we do school, we just are and we are doing what we need to do, and yes, we are still waiting.
But then something happens. It is said, or it is read, or it is seen. Something triggers all the thoughts and emotions. Something burns inside. Something I can’t really name. Not bitterness. Incredulous disbelief? Dumbstruckness?
And you just want the answers, again. Answers that won’t satisfy, but you want them anyway. And you ask yourself a hundred questions and answer yourself in the same number of ways. You bring up things from years ago, from last month, from last week, from… You need to work it out in your mind, sometimes on paper, just one more time…
You want to spew out a thousand words-truths that you can prove and feel others deserve and have a right to know… and even opinions that just border on spite. There is sooo much more we could say, but we don’t. Why not? At this point, we don’t feel it is our place to openly share some of it. It wouldn’t do anyone any good for one thing-for us, let alone anyone else. We feel like one grain of sand in the millions on the seashore. What do our truths matter anyway?
But then, you get it all out once again. And you’re over it. For now. Until the next time when it doesn’t quite take so long. 25%, 50%, 75%, 90% of the time you just don’t think about it. You let it bother you less and less…the layers peeled are a little smaller.
Then the encouragements start coming, the reminders that you are not losing your mind.
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For the most part, we feel we are at a place in life where we are ready to go, anytime, anywhere. Physically, financially, mentally: yes, I would say we pretty much are. We aren’t tied to a job, school, activities, home… But now more than ever, it feels like we are in a holding pattern…there is no clear direction. Yeah, it kinda sucks. We will start to get excited about an opportunity that looks like it may be it…but then they don’t work out. Over and over again. Why? What does it mean? WE haven’t closed the door to anything, but still they seem to close.
Spiritually are we ready? I don’t know if we are. Are you ever REALLY ready again? What does that mean for us anyway? Ready for what? Still that holding pattern…
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A little formula from our bible study—
Stay in the Word + Keep fellowship with God in prayer + live obediently = ready to do whatever it is that God would have for you to do
Where are we especially lacking just now? For me it is in prayer. Which is kind-of ironic as we used to be known as “the prayer people”-we need to pray, have prayer meetings, etc. I just can’t seem to find my groove there-I can’t seem to shut off my mind on everything else and focus on what I am saying.
“Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:1-3
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