"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Thursday, March 11, 2010


Was this a spiritual retreat? No, not in the sense most people would think of a spiritual retreat. I thought it might be a little but I could see that it was not going to be that. Kelly and I had some very good conversations about things (past, present, and future).

The past: it feels like a dream, like it didn’t really happen (Africa). There are still some deep wounds with what happened and I am not as far past some of the hurt as I would like to think I am. I have lost a big part of my ability to trust. I really don’t know how that is going to affect me in the future. It is not that I cannot/won’t trust anyone. It is the people that speak “Christianize” really well that I don’t trust.

The present: God continues to provide and bless us. I sometimes even feel guilty about that, I shouldn’t. It comes from my own pride. Thinking I need/should be the one providing, not God. He continues to remind me that I am His son and a good Father takes care of His kids. Like this vacation- I really wanted some answers and it struck me the second night: God just wanted me to enjoy myself and my wife, no pressures. And I/we did that. I know I feel different, lighter somehow. Even though I think I put on a few pounds! That may all change when we get back, I don’t know. Kelly and I really threw off the worries and responsibilities and took a break from life. And by the end of the week we felt ready to come home.

The Future: the only thing on that front is that I’m going to talk to some people about possibilities. I want to exhaust all possibilities here before I start looking elsewhere, in this country or another.

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