Was this a spiritual retreat? No, not in the sense most people would think of a spiritual retreat. I thought it might be a little but I could see that it was not going to be that. Kelly and I had some very good conversations about things (past, present, and future).
The past: it feels like a dream, like it didn’t really happen (Africa). There are still some deep wounds with what happened and I am not as far past some of the hurt as I would like to think I am. I have lost a big part of my ability to trust. I really don’t know how that is going to affect me in the future. It is not that I cannot/won’t trust anyone. It is the people that speak “Christianize” really well that I don’t trust.
The present: God continues to provide and bless us. I sometimes even feel guilty about that, I shouldn’t. It comes from my own pride. Thinking I need/should be the one providing, not God. He continues to remind me that I am His son and a good Father takes care of His kids. Like this vacation- I really wanted some answers and it struck me the second night: God just wanted me to enjoy myself and my wife, no pressures. And I/we did that. I know I feel different, lighter somehow. Even though I think I put on a few pounds! That may all change when we get back, I don’t know. Kelly and I really threw off the worries and responsibilities and took a break from life. And by the end of the week we felt ready to come home.
The Future: the only thing on that front is that I’m going to talk to some people about possibilities. I want to exhaust all possibilities here before I start looking elsewhere, in this country or another.
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