So it’s obvious that things we’ve written and posted aren’t always on the most “uplifting” end. Instead we often write the struggles, questions, doubts, confessions, heartache…the realities of life, some the results of what we could call a “devastation with God.” (One that of course we figured we be waaayyy over a long time ago.)
Everything we do is supposed to, in the long run, bring glory to God. Are we doing that anymore? I guess did we ever has to be answered first! I think we brought glory to God through our honesty about struggles and hardships and steadfast faith in Him when He was doing things that we (and you) knew could only be happening because of His hand. I can read back in the last four years and see that. But are we still doing it? It seems there is more “nothingness of life” than their used to be for us. Have I lost my faith in God? No. Do I still trust that ultimately He is in control and knows what He is doing? Yes. Have I liked it very much? Not always. Am I supposed to all the time? No, I don’t think so-at least not right in the moment. It seems when you are stuck in something, all you see is the wall around you-hopefully you aren’t seeing more mud falling in. You are just hoping to stay where you are without slipping any further. And you know the way out, but it’s a little harder to (want to) reach up your hand for the help this time around.
We are still walking out our faith; we’re still called to obey. I think it is just feels harder right now. I personally am not very good at pretending-don’t like it, takes too much energy. So I can’t put on a happy face and tell you “we’re doing great” and things are going wonderful when they aren’t. Things are just “fine.” Every decision to do- well, anything-can and often does seem a struggle for various reasons; it’s like there are so many more sides that I see to everything now. Some good, some bad, some just are.