Posting a link to a blog. Though it was written to grandparents, I think it is a good read to all friends and family of kids who are adopted or in foster care. Not all of them have severe RAD, but due to their past traumas and moves and who knows what else, there are factors and issues that mom and dad have to deal with that you won't know about. And they don't necessarily need your good intentions-of helpful advice or spoiling their kids; it's often scary enough to seek out someone who you think will just be a listening ear. We love all our kids; but yes, we do need to treat some of them differently.