"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Friday, September 24, 2010

Such crazyness-feelings-tensions-acting out

Moving is excited in one way; really NOT.SO.MUCH. in others. There is acting out-by all the kids (and yes, by mom and dad too). One is lying more than usual, many are doing what they want instead of what told (‘cause I am not always around or too busy to correct every infraction), one is wetting the bed (again; the usual reaction for that one), some are whiny, some just want the negative attention of getting in trouble so they will do WHATEVER it takes to get it…all this leads to ME being C.R.A.B.B.Y. (any idea why we emphasize words that way online??)
Just because I know it is happening and why, doesn’t make it any easier. Unfortunately, it isn’t making my reactions any better. I am just getting more annoyed, more tired, and LOUDER. And we aren’t even to the actual crazy-physical-moving time. Right now it’s just more that mental list. I want to be somewhere doing something most often other than what I am doing, but which I couldn’t probably do on my own anyway...and then you throw in doing school, church stuff, small group planning, husband time, kid time…well, you all get the picture.
And some of the kids just get my goat WAY faster than others. And there are different reasons for each kid. Talking back and eye rolling are big no-nos, especially for the older ones. And they, like me, seem to have problems changing attitudes in a timely fashion. With the little ones they can be easily distracted with a different activity. Some are just LOUD-they talk loud, they sing loud, they play loud. Usually not a problem, but when my mind is already reeling, thanks-don’t need the noise right now.
I have HUGE expectations for my kids, like really huge, and in all likelihood unattainable. If I tell you something one day, it applies the rest of the day, week,etc-they should know all that by now. Especially when it is a daily schedule thing! Simply things, really, right?? I expect them to read my mind, I expect them to always play together nice, I expect them to listen, I expect, I expect, I expect. I do this with Brian too.
So, as good as recognizing it is, it’s not enough. It’s hard to change, hard to adjust, hard to fit everyone’s schedules, wants, desires and needs. I know I can’t do it all on my own-but I still seem to like to try.

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