struggling

We could both really use your prayers right now. We are both struggling with some things. Truth be known, I don’t even know what it is I feel like I am struggling with. I just am. In between me trying to “deal” and Brian dealing, there are seven kids and a house and a life to deal with.
I feel like I am in the desert, sitting right on the edge of the oasis; not a mirage, the real thing. I am enjoying the rain that splashes over to me sometimes, and I am so close that I will occasionally stick my arm in there and get a drip of refreshment. But for some reason, I don’t go in. Why? Do I feel like I am not “bad enough off” yet? Or is it just the thought of getting up and plunging in is too much work? I know the benefits of it; I know and see what is happening as I don’t, but I still don’t. I am too tired to. The thought of getting up just makes me tired. Has the load gotten comfortable? No, it’s a pain in the butt, but now it’s there and oh well? I want someone else to fix it all up, but I can’t expect that if I won’t even do anything about it myself. Time to lace up those boot straps and start pulling.
And why in the world would I be telling you this? Admitting to the whole wide world that I am depressed and life just is blah, blah, blah. Maybe this is my first real bout of the winter blahs after being in the sun for over a year and a half. I remember Lori being almost horrified when I told her that someone had told me they were upside down on their mortgage. She just couldn’t believe that we would ever talk about stuff like that. I guess that is one good thing about our generation-we’re pretty transparent. Or maybe it’s not so good, ‘cuz we sometimes talk about things like they are no big deal and they really are.
Anyway, I am telling you because as usual, I (we) could use your prayers. I sometimes feel hypocritical that I am encouraging someone about something, when I don’t seem to be taking my own advice. But then I am thankful that the Lord is who He is, His Word doesn’t return void, and His working doesn’t depend on me and what I feel. I also tell you because part of our mission has become being real to whoever needs and wants to read it (you). Our pastor has said numerous times “you Christians lied to me. You told me when I asked Jesus into my life everything becomes wonderful…”
We don’t want to lie to you. We want you to see that the Christian life is hard-full of trials, full of griefs and sorrows. That’s how we become more like Christ. Nobody likes to hear that part of it. But the Christian life is full of joys too. We aren’t dismissing that; but you can read about that anywhere. Ask anybody how they are, what’s new and they will tell you all the great or just okay things of life. Nobody says I am struggling ‘cuz nobody really, really wants to hear it, do they?
There’s that community that everyone longs for again. We all LONG to tell someone, anyone the truth about where we really are, but we don’t want to take the time to develop the community to be able to do that in. We want to encourage you to become real to and with your own body of believers and see what the Lord will do. Will it be easy? NO. Will you get hurt? At some point, probably. Is it worth it? YES.