"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I have a job interview today. It is only the second time (I think) that I have had an interview. Am I nervous? I’d be lying if I said no. It is a new experience for me. So yeah, I’m a little nervous. I see it as a two way interview. They are looking to see if I am a good fit for their company and I am interviewing them to see if I think that I can do the job. I don’t want the job if I don’t think I can do it. Right now I am just grateful to have an interview. There are many out there I know that would like just that much. So we will see how it goes. There are questions I have for them about the job and I still have the consulting job that is still in the wind so I will have to see how that may fit. Most jobs out there are looking for someone who has experience and the only way to get experience is to get a job in that field. So it is often a catch-22, so when the opportunity comes it is a good idea to take it. But no matter what it will be something to pray about and get some counsel on. That really is the only way to make life decisions.
In the last post the question was asked, is the answer still yes? And for me right now I would lean towards “no”. Yes, I said no. It is where I am at. I am extremely gun shy when it comes to things of ministry. Yet Kelly has noticed that when I am in those settings I become very comfortable and things seem to flow. I don’t know why. When I am not thinking about it and it happens it seems to be a natural outpouring. Maybe it is where I am supposed to be. But I still have some big struggles with self-confidence. It comes from the feelings of failure from some of the lies told. I know they are lies but they still affect you. They still get inside your head and they become a daily battle. And instead of dealing with them you/I try and drown them out by occupying my time with other things. I am not saying that is all bad but a time comes when you have to face things and deal with them. Mine is I gave someone too much power (not God) and their words were like a knife in my heart. And it doesn’t matter how much everyone else encourages you, you still hear those words that cut you up and down. You retreat into yourself to protect yourself; it becomes hard at times to be honest with those closest to you (Kelly) because you don’t want to be honest with yourself. You want to believe that you are stronger than you are, that this “stuff” doesn’t really affect you when it does. So what do you do, the worse thing possible: You lie to yourself.

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