"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Monday, January 25, 2010

is the answer still "yes"???

Is it time to go back to the question? What was the question? The big question: “will you obey Me?”. And we answered “yes”, without even knowing the specific question. The new question I guess is, “did you REALLY mean it? Are you still willing to obey WHATEVER it is I ask?”
Wow. That one seems a little harder to answer right now. Of course I want to and do say YES, OF COURSE I MEANT IT!!! And I would do it again! But, what if I am really ASKED to do it (anything) again? Walking it out…a whole other question. Will what I say, be what I do?
So what is this all about? As you all know, we are life in limbo. Waiting, waiting, waiting for God to tell us what to do next, to provide the next light in the doorway we are to walk in to. We are praying, so are you. And what is happening? So far five different ministry opportunities have popped up. One was a definite no-go, one we started looking into, and three we haven’t done too much with. Why? If we are asking and God is showing, what are we to do? I said before we were at least looking into all possibilities. But are we REALLY looking? Or is it just curiosity, platitudes? Are we looking with the idea that we will say yes and KEEP walking through doors until the end? I don’t know. I don’t think we are.
It’s understandable of course. We were hurt bad. There is fear, there is apprehension. But…have we let that fear become sin and let it paralyzed us?
We’ve been told to not think about doing ministry for a year. Is there something magic about a year? I don’t know. I’ve learned enough though, to know that God’s timetable isn’t the same as ours. Is a year the “safe” number? I don’t know, I am just asking.
A few things hold us (me) back. One is the thought of raising support again. Ugh. That is just a tough thing to do. While there are many who gladly and faithfully supported us and would again, there are often more rejections than partnerships. That’s just part of it, but it can be emotionally hard to deal with. But God was faithful the first time, would He not be the again? Especially if He is the one behind it? In Malachi God tells us to TEST Him with money. I have heard this, not sure if I have it right, but money is really the only area where God invites us to test Him, tells us to. So if we were to have to raise support, would He not provide? Most if not all of our supporters supported US because of us, not necessarily the project. So would they support US again?
But how do you go back and ask someone, convince someone that now THIS is where God called us? We were so convinced before, how can we be convinced again? It looks to the outside world like we were WRONG. We have come to accept that yes, we were called to Zambia before, for that project, for what we ended up DOING, not the original plan WE had. We accepted GOD’S call, and thus fulfilled GOD’S plan for us, not our own. We know that, and believe it, but will others?
And while we know all that, we can’t help but feel like failures. We said we were going to do “x, y and z” but we didn’t. We did God’s “a, b and c”. But our self-confidence is still gone, like really gone. It affects all areas of our lives.
So I guess I am wondering two things. Do all these ministry opportunities come up to:

-distract us, get us too busy, put us in a position we aren’t ready for-is this from the enemy?
-is this God asking us, putting opportunities up for us to have to CHOSE to TRUST Him again? Will God show us anything HERE (in the US) before we are again willing to go THERE (wherever that may be)?

Which is it? How can we know? Are we just so tired of being in limbo land we are looking for ANYTHING that looks like a step forward? Is this just enemy placing forks in the road to get us to step off the path? Or are ours and your prayers being answered by opportunities brought to us? We aren’t actively seeking them out.
So how do we even start? We need to PRAY. But not just pray because that is what we are suppose to do. We need to pray and know that whatever it is God asks, the answer is YES. Otherwise, why pray about it?
Will you pray with us in this direction? That we will once again be willing to answer yes, whatever the question may be. There is a Third Day song that says:

Please take from me my life, when I don’t have the strength, to give it away to you Jesus.

We don’t have the strength right now to do it on our own. We need Jesus. And maybe, no-I know, that is where we are supposed to be.

1 comment:

Aaron Minnick said...

The Third Day song you quoted is a song that has often spoken to me in incredible ways. They also have another song called "Revelation" that doesn't quite fit the context of mine or your lives but has a significant message as well that I have often found myself praying. I know we don't follow the Gospel of Third Day, but God has used them mightily to speak into my life. I pray He does the same for you.