"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Saturday, August 8, 2009

We’ve already talked some about how hard it is to relinquish control of most, if not all, of the business and construction decisions to Paul. Of course that is what should happen-it’s just not that easy at times! Its one thing to relinquish and walk away; quite another to relinquish and watch. Watch things done differently (not wrong, just different!), or see a consequence coming based on something you would have done differently, etc.
It’s absolutely what we have to do-just very hard. I am not even doing the receipting and bookkeeping anymore. I LOVE doing that busy work-but if I know the kwacha situation, I will want to act on it/have a say in what we can or can’t spend (or maybe just fret about it), and it takes time I don’t have to give right now. It’s hard not to ask about many of the things which we know still needs to be done because we were involved in the past. And my gift is administration, so it is difficult for me to watch some of the things get done in a different time than I would have (if it’s on the list, get it done!). But I know, for right now especially, we just need to “Be still”.

We are coming to realize our expectations on many things have been anything but realistic. And it’s like we know they are unrealistic to think one way, but I don’t know, you (we) still find ourselves thinking it anyway. And often we let them grow bigger in our mind and we end up hurting ourselves.
We have had the privilege of a handful of people in our lives that we’d call our “bestest-bestest friends”. They are the kind you have an immediate connection with, can pour your heart out to, distance and time don’t matter, etc. Of course, we miss them so much; we secretly wanted Paul and Lori to be that for us. Now don’t get me wrong, we get a long great, we can hang out, we can talk, but we are of course in different phases of life, different backgrounds, different ages, different family life, different stages of adjustment to life here. So there is connection, just different than what I secretly hoped for.
We also had an unrealistic expectation that once Paul was here all the stressors would cease. Yes, we really can fool ourselves pretty well, can’t we?? Now the stressors are just different-now we have no control over the stressors! See, even though we don’t have to make the decisions anymore, everything that goes on does affect us in some small way, either right now or in the future-we are all intertwined.
For many people, we are now (or have been) the “face” of the IBC. I don’t want that to sound proud or arrogant, it just is the truth. 40-70 people check our blog everyday, so as to see how we are doing-personally. BUT, there are also a lot of people who check the blog to see what is going on at the college. That of course IS NOT the point of this blog (it is a KALLEVIG blog, NOT a Gospelink blog), but we do include some of those types of updates too. So we are tied to all that goes on here in a way, even though it may not directly involve us. Okay, so where am I going with this? I don’t remember anymore. Oh yeah, even though we don’t have much of a say on business matters anymore, because we have invested so much into it the past nine months to it, we still feel the stress of what goes on.
More unrealistics-being a missionary should be all peaches and cream-you’re doing the Lord’s work! If He got you here the way he did, He must want you here, so what’s not too like? Of course it will be all good. NOT!
-Our family will bond more, we’ll be the picture perfect family with well-behaved children who know so much about the Bible. Even bigger HA HA! I think I have said shut up more to my kids in the last year than in the 12 years previous. Not something I am proud of at all.

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