"This life therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal, but it is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but everything is being cleansed." --Martin Luther

Friday, January 13, 2012

Well, it’s been awhile since posting! Some days (most!) I just don’t feel I have anything to say and less time to say it. Other times I have too much to say. After writing and processing it, there’s a peace and it’s best to leave it there.
We’ve been doing the daily grind as usual with school and housework. Everyone is growing and just living life I guess (how original, eh?). The last few weeks since Christmas have been emotionally/mentally/spiritually exhausting so the body is feeling it too.
Many of you will remember that we took J down for some visits and testing at the U of Minnesota Intl Adoption Clinic. We got the preliminary results in a visit a couple weeks ago and are now waiting for the full report to read through and digest. He’s still doing speech therapy, occupational therapy and his play therapy with mom. We have made HUGE progress with him, and I have as well. I was seeing a counselor at the same time to continue to process all that was going on. If love is patient, love is kind, self-controlled, gentle and so on…then I definitely love him way more than I did before. I guess I have finally felt I’ve been forgiven for numerous things in the past related to him, and I am choosing to continue to believe even when I feel attacked-a voice says that forgiveness/forgiving myself is too easy. Sometimes it seems that I let this or that go too “easy.” I can step back and say if that was easy, I never want to see hard! It has been a tough process for me and him too I know.
Lately we’ve been dealing with A LOT of behavior issues as he progresses through his stuff too. Many, many times in the last two weeks he has regressed to a 3 year old behaviorally and mentally. When his anger flares it is even younger, sometimes around one. There were a few scary times too, but they SEEM to be behind us (praying!). It is draining to deal with these tantrums as they take a lot of my time, and they feel like we are letting him “get away” with things that were never problems before. It’s hard to keep perspective of a 3 year old in an 8 year old body. Of course the other kids all need me as well and they are missing the attention so they act out as well, especially the boys. I lose my patience with them easier as I am maybe just trying to push through dealing with J so that we get to the next step in his healing. In the last two or three days I’ve seen marked improvement from 5 days ago. The thought is that he will continue to come back around closer to his physical age as the relationship continues to get better. I know he’s gotta test it out to be sure the changes are gonna “stick”, but some days are really wowzer!
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! to all those who have been praying for us! It is God that is keeping us a float through your prayers! We so appreciate it and ask that you continue to make mention of us to our YAHWEH ROPHE-the LORD WHO HEALS.

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