AFTER READING THROUGH 2/10

I am struck as I read, that looking back I don’t really think we were writing very negatively. Sure, we shared struggles, and we presented some of our lessons on culture shock and burnout, but I guess I was expecting more. There were less than a handful of people who thought we were just being soooo negative, all the time. Reading it, I don’t even get the “feelings” for where we were-like that feeling of desperation, the struggle that was all-consuming at the time we were writing it. I guess it is just perspective of the reader? It was/is the atmosphere we were in at the time? Is it personality? These 2 or 3 people are just peachy pie type of people. They would never be public about any personal struggles, so they felt we were making people thinking badly of us. But then the rest of the responses we got thanked us for being willing to be HONEST about our struggles. HMM. I guess we were only out to represent ourselves and what God was teaching and stretching us through. And we chose to do it in the way we felt God wanted us to, so oh well to what they think?! What would they have said to Paul when he spoke of his own sufferings? “Paul, Paul, Paul! You need to edit all these letters! We’ve already got a call out to Matthew, Mark, Luke & John about taking that stuff Jesus said about suffering and bearing a cross OUT. We want people to follow Jesus! We don’t want them to think it’s gonna be hard, or cost them anything…we have to only tell them how great everything always is. They can just deal with that other stuff themselves, by themselves. We only need to tell them the good half of the truth!”

Someone told me they were reading it around that Jan/Feb time (in 09) and just got soooo depressed. The only thing we were writing about was what we had learned at MTI about transition, burnout, and culture shock; it was basically our course notes, just the facts they presented to us. Of course we said we ourselves were struggling with it. Hmm. Why is that depressing? Because it is real? Our pastor used to call our missions guy after reading our blog and ask, “Should I be worried yet?” And he’d say, “Nope-that’s normal, nope, that’s normal.” (He was a missionary himself in Asia for a few years) What’s not-so normal I guess, is the fact that we were writing about it as we were in it. So it was raw, it was personal, and it was real. We didn’t go back three years later and read our notes and then try to convey what we were feeling. Because like I said, I don’t even get those “feelings” now reading it, so how could I really write about it. You had the not-always-so-pretty privilege of reading what real missionaries (can) go through on the field but are unable to say. For this exact reason-someone calls their feelings, their experiences, their life-too negative. Really? Who gave you the right to judge that? Again, that new Amy Grant song goes through my head-
We pour out our miseries-
God just hears a melody-
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts-
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We never set out for our blog to be a cheerleader for our project, because our blog was never about the project. We (tried to) only wrote what we had to that dealt with our faith struggle, give a few updates; believe me-there’s a much larger book we could write if it was suppose to be about the project. Our blog was, and is, about our personal faith journey. I guess some people could never get that through their heads, they thought it was more than it was. And they unknowingly contributed to exactly what they didn’t want to see/read.

We wrote and edited and reread every post numerous times so it was just what we felt the Lord was leading us to say. I guess we were confident in that at the time, but if everything else about our calling is now being questioned, you could question that too.

barn dance

Fun at the barn dance last night! Sorry about the poor quality. Myron was having a blast, and luckily didn't get knocked over!
Check out Dad's fancy foot work!

love, love, love ultrasounds

I so enjoy getting ultrasounds and seeing the little life inside. This was on Thursday, I am at 10 weeks, so that puts the due date around 12/20/10. I usually delivery 1-3 weeks early, so we are just saying December :-)

The kids, as usual, were disappointed it wasn't twins (always hoping...). We are of course just happy that baby is healthy and developing well.

Written in 4/09
-We’ve been so worried about doing our ministry (office, duties, functions), we are often missing or having a hard time seeing the mission (that which we are destined or fitted to do-the calling, performing the service) we are do here.
So we were called here to head agriculture at the college… More important though, we are called as GOD’s agents to do the duties and functions HE has called us to do. Most times they are the same; sometimes they are a little different! We knew there would be many other things we would be called to do as well-just didn’t think there would be as much of those either…We’ve been evaluating our call to obedience-what is it? Was the call to the project? To Africa? No-the call was to OBEDIENCE-wherever, whenever, however the LORD would have it be. Will it look like we think? Apparently not! We are just the subordinates to the authority of Jesus Christ!
WE ARE MOST EFFECTIVE FOR CHRIST WHEN WE ARE OBEDIENT TO HIM.

Many times reading back, we were so caught up in the moment by moment; the little things of life that never felt so little. And we knew it, but no matter how hard we tried, we just couldn’t seem to get out of it. More and more kept being piled on top of us.
Is that still a little bit of what is happening now? Are we so caught up in the moment by moment feelings, that we can’t see the bigger picture? Probably. That’s why reading the blog can be a really good thing.

A DEVOTIONAL WE PUT UP ON April 5, 2009

"On Him they laid the cross, that He might bear it after Jesus." Luke 23:26

We see in Simon's carrying the cross a picture of the work of the Church throughout all generations; she is the cross-bearer after Jesus. Mark then, Christian, Jesus does not suffer so as to exclude your suffering. He bears a cross, not that you may escape it, but that you may endure it. Christ exempts you from sin, but not from sorrow. Remember that, and expect to suffer.
But let us comfort ourselves with this thought, that in our case, as in Simon's, it is not our cross, but Christ's cross which we carry. When you are molested for your piety; when your religion brings the trial of cruel mockings upon you, then remember it is not your cross, it is Christ's cross; and how delightful is it to carry the cross of our Lord Jesus!
You carry the cross after Him. You have blessed company; your path is marked with the footprints of your Lord. The mark of His blood-red shoulder is upon that heavy burden. 'Tis His cross, and He goes before you as a shepherd goes before his sheep. Take up your cross daily, and follow Him.
Do not forget, also, that you bear this cross in partnership. It is the opinion of some that Simon only carried one end of the cross, and not the whole of it. That is very possible; Christ may have carried the heavier part, against the transverse beam, and Simon may have borne the lighter end. Certainly it is so with you; you do but carry the light end of the cross, Christ bore the heavier end.
And remember, though Simon had to bear the cross for a very little while, it gave him lasting honour. Even so the cross we carry is only for a little while at most, and then we shall receive the crown, the glory. Surely we should love the cross, and, instead of shrinking from it, count it very dear, when it works out for us "a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."
—Morning and Evening

Some quotes that came at a perfect time for us (From Barbara Johnson’s, “Pack Up Your Gloomies in a Great Big Box, Then Sit on the Lid and Laugh!”), I think we posted them around 2/09.

“When the flood waters of the cesspool have come up to your very soul, you don’t need challenges; you need COMFORT. You need a friend to come alongside and say, “I am hurting with you...I am standing with you…I am weeping with you. I am undergirding you as best I can. Link your shield of faith with mine and somehow we will make it together.” Pg. 13

We loved that we could (and still can?) share our struggles with you and you would send us words of COMFORT. You (at least, most of you) didn’t tell us to suck it up, quit talking publically about your struggles, just do this or that and it will be all better. You just told us you were praying with us-you linked your faith with ours and got us through many tough times.

“Whatever comes to any of us is sent or allowed by God.” p.15

“When we believe that nothing comes to us except through our heavenly Father, then suffering begins to make a little sense to us-not much, I admit, but a little bit, and that’s all God needs to work in our lives, just a mustard seed of faith. Then we can see that God is using our pain to work something in us that is redemptive. Every trial or broken relationship goes into God’s oven and eventually we begin to “smell” like cake or fresh bread. Even our suffering counts for something!” p.17

“God calls us to be faithful; He did not promise we would be successful.” P.101

He didn’t promise us we’d be successful in the eyes of the world, often not even in our own eyes. But HE is faithful, and HE calls us to be faithful. He is the prefector and the rewarder of our faith.

-We wrote this in 6/08
Sometimes we need to go through some of the same experiences the people we will minister to have gone through, in order to be more effective in the ministry. Of course, when we are obedient in the trials, God also brings the blessings!

I wonder where God is going to lead us to minister after these experiences.

-Copied from ? (Forgot to get the date.)
To learn to love your enemies you first must have an enemy. To learn about forgiveness you first must be wronged. To learn about the true joy in the Lord you first must experience deep pain. To learn obedience we first must be asked to do something. To learn true dependence on Christ you must be in deep need. And to be able to minister to others you often must experience the pain to be able to understand. These are the hard lessons of the faith that are not often talked about.

Wish we could have learned these lessons the easy way! So often our writings turned out to be prophetic of where God would be leading us.

-From 2/09
I want you to understand that sometimes to be able to see and recognize the good, first you must see and experience the bad. It’s hard to recognize the one without the other. Scripture also tells us that in this world we will have struggles. Romans 8:28 tells us that God works in ALL things (good, bad, positive, negative, hard) for the good of those who are called according to His purposes. Do we enjoy this (yuck) period right now? Nope, not at all. But we can go through them and grow through them knowing God is at work!
Oswald Chambers said, “THERE IS NO OIL WITHOUT SQUEEZING THE OLIVES, NO WINE WITHOUT PRESSING THE GRAPES, NO FRAGRANCE WITHOUT CRUSHING THE FLOWERS. AND NO REAL JOY WITHOUT SORROW.”

I know some people out there have a real problem with that (saying, in particular). They don’t want to believe that. They don’t want to believe that the Christian life has, and is, a struggle. They want to sugarcoat and over-spiritualize, “well, I guess I can just be thankful I…” “I guess God just wants me to see/do/be…” That’s not all bad, because yes, God is in every situation that we face. But there is often this level where it’s too good-the bad is really good. Really, it’s not. The bad is bad for a reason; the struggle is there for a reason, and it’s OKAY. Let God do the refining work that He needs to do. Don’t fight it, don’t make it all rosy-LEARN FROM IT.

“When silver is refined, the refiner knows it is pure when it has been in the fire long enough to see his reflection. So it is with God. He will allow us to go through the fire until He sees His reflection.”

Praying that He sees His reflection soon!