Letter to the editor

Unfortunately, papers have word limits in their letters to the editor.  Here's the longer version.

I am sure you could imagine my surprise the other day as I pulled my mail out of the box to see a picture of my six year old son on a political campaign.  Interesting, no one had contacted me about using my son’s imagine.  I didn’t give my permission for that.  (And no, this was not a random crowd shot-this was just a political candidate and my son, close range)

It was increasingly ironic to me that he was used as propaganda for increased public school funding, specifically all day, everyday, funded kindergarten.  Ironic because he doesn’t go to a public school, we home school.  I guess maybe the teacher’s union aka MN DFL is now in favor of school choice?  Perhaps it would be a tad bit different if I supported the ideals that my son is purported to endorse by his imagine.  But I don’t.  I am paying for public school education which he doesn't attend, and I pay for all the materials he needs for his education at home as well.  That average of $2500 a year the ad said they save an average family, doesn’t get saved here.

The picture in question was taken as a personal picture.  Mary Sawatsky thought it was neat that I had nine children.  During a local parade she saw us and asked to take a picture with our number seven as she herself was a number seven of nine.  I didn’t think too much of it.  There was never any mention that the picture was for anything other than herself.  Of course, she never asked to put it on her personal Facebook page either, but I didn’t think anything of it when I first saw it; it was just Mary’s page, not Mary Sawatzy for State Rep’s page.

Of course the flyer in question came from ProgressForMN.com, and was prepared and paid for  by  the MN DFL party, so she didn’t “endorse it”.   I know she didn’t pay for the literature, she told me in an email that she hadn’t even seen it.  So it would seem that the DFL went to her personal page, plucked a random photo (which I have since asked her to take down) and used it in their ad.  Couldn’t agree more with John Burns: “(However,) it is naive not to understand that there is a winking relationship between the candidates, their political parties, and various outside groups who pay for the advertising.”

Truthfully though, this isn’t a DFL or Republican or political issue even.  I would just be as upset  if any ANYONE used my minor children in an advertising campaign  without my permission.

I suppose you can give me some bull about that anything on Facebook is public.  But that is what it is-bull.  Yes you can see it, but you still can’t use it for your own exploitative purposes without permission.  There is plenty of legal precedence for that (Chang vs. Virgin Mobile).

This is a matter of privacy, the right of people not to have their (or their children’s) likeness used in an ad without permission.  Even if Mrs. Sawatzky had given away her rights as the photographer of the photo, she can not give away my son’s rights.  There are three elements that must be established in a legal claim for unlawful use of name or likeness:

1. use of protected attribute (in this case, my son’s identity)
2. for an exploitative purpose (political gain)
3. no consent (I did not give)

No parent wants to see their child used as a tool for propaganda, especially something they don’t believe in or support.  Maybe I will have to look closer into my options.

A little story that a friend told her son to explain to him Reactive Attachment Disorder (which he has).
I think it is helpful for anyone who wants to try to get what it is in pretty simple terms. Thanks Kim!


Once upon a time there was a little boy, and he was with his friends and family ice skating on a lake. There were snacks and loads of kids and music and fun. The boy was having a blast. Unfortunately, the adults weren't paying enough attention to the little boy, they accidentally didn't keep him safe, and he fell through the ice! He managed to skibble up out of the water fighting hard and using all his strength. He crawled across the ice to land and sat waiting for his family to notice he was hurt and cold, but, because of the music and the cupcakes and the talking and fun, they didn't notice. He waited and waited, and still nothing. As time went on, he got more and more angry, why did they not notice he was gone!? Why? He was cold and hurt and hungry, but nobody came. Finally after what seemed forever, some fire fighters found him and tried to save him. They came out and told him not to be afraid, that they cared for him and were only trying to help. They put some safety gear on him and tried to get him to come back across the ice to safety, but all the boy could see was that they were trying to drag him back to the hole. No matter what words they used to explain that they were not bringing him to the hole, he could not convince his body to believe him. They harder they pulled, the more angry he became! Bringing him to safety became a much bigger problem, because his fears and natural reflexes got in the way. It was made harder still, because the firefighters couldn't understand why the boy would not go to the safe side of the lake!

This story is like yours, isn't it. It's like that except for you it's not a hole in ice, the thing that makes you pull away is love and affection. This is not your fault. When you were very small, the adults forgot to keep you safe. They had loads of reasons for making this mistake, and none of the were your fault. But because of that, you are afraid that going near love again will hurt you. We, your family and therapists are the firefighters in the story. We are trying to help you and love you and get you to the safe side of the lake. We will keep trying to calm your mind and body and make you understand that we are not going to harm you.

---RAD can happen for lots of different reasons and it shows up in lots of different ways.  The trauma didn't have to be major-it can be as simple as malnutrition because the child's family just couldn't feed them.  Or an illness, or of course, neglect and abuse.  RAD can be treated, but it is hard, hard work and many parents feel isolated and alone because of the way it often manifests itself (manipulative behavior, the child being on their best for others and then acting out for their "safe people" aka parents, indiscriminate affection to name just a few).   Judgement, "helpful" suggestions, shame, guilt, loneliness, even despair.  If you are struggling, please know that you are NOT ALONE in this journey.  It is tough.  Keep swimming!!  For online support, check out:
Beyond Trauma and Attachment
Website--www.momsfindhealing.com
Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/beyondtraumaandattachment
Closed facebook groups also available for moms, dads and siblings. 

ORLANDO 2014-ONLY 70 DAYS AWAY!!

We have had some moms cancel and have room for you to join us! I know you have been thinking about it, now is the time to take a leap of faith. If you are afraid to fly, we may have someone in your area to make the trip with you either by plane or car. If you can't imagine what will happen to your family while you are gone, our alumni can tell you what worked or didn't for their families. If you are terrified to travel across the country or to another country to meet a 100+ women you only met online, I promise we were terrified, too. If you worry your family isn't as traumatized as the other families are, we will still support you and make you laugh until you cry. Money? I have some cheap beds available. It's just a weekend.
 ~ Rachel, Executive Director, Beyond Trauma and Attachment

About BeTA

 

BeTA Retreat FAQ

Stories from Moms

2013 Summer House Project

Photo slideshow customized with Smilebox

Little Man

He said I couldn't put it on Facebook, so I will put it on the blog!! 

He wanted his hair cut like dad's.  I was a little leary of going that short...but dad did it anyway!  He kept teasing Myron with different styles.  Myron wasn't too impressed with this mohawk.

 

Here is the finished product. 

My two amigos!  Myron is very worried about giving me a kiss each morning since dad is gone :)

Linking You

Interesting read.  You can see a pattern, IF you look.

http://www.truthkeepers.com/?p=116

IT'S AUCTION TIME!!!!!

 We are moms from all over the USA and Canada who are raising children who have experienced early childhood trauma and attachment resistance. Our children have come to us through foster care, domestic adoption, international adoption, blended families and birth. We provide support, rejuvenation, and education through online groups, our website, and a yearly retreat in Orlando, FL.

Each year BeTA holds an auction to raise money for our yearly retreat, this money provides scholarships to help defray the cost of the retreat for moms all over the country and Canada.

 

 

THERE ARE SOME TOTALLY AWESOME AND YUMMY ITEMS THIS YEAR!!  

THERE ARE SOME SUPER CUTIE-PUTOOTIE crochet hats as well!

Get on over there and bid, bid, bid!!  There is still plenty of time to bid-auction closes July 27.  You can put in a "proxy" maximum bid so you don't have to keep checking it-you will get an email if you are out bid.

 

 

AND...with any additional donation of $5.00 or more added on to your final payment or made using the "Donate Now" button, you will receive a postcard sized print of "We are all Wonder Women!" artwork.

 

In the totally strange event that you don't see anything you'd like, we will gladly accept your tax deductible donation!  Just click the "DONATE MONEY" tab on the left hand side of the screen.

 

We are already at 3/4 of our goal!!  We'd love to blow that right out of the sky and help MORE MOMS connect, rejuvenate, recuperate and be encouraged in the journey of motherhood-Beyond Trauma and Attachement!

To learn more about trauma and attachment please visit our website at www.momsfindhealing.com.

Thank-you for supporting BeTA (Beyond Trauma and Attachment)!

Lily in the Lilies

BeTA--Beyond Trauma and Attachment

This is a link to the group that puts on "Orlando" each year.  
There are some great resources, great blog posts, information and support available here.

www.momsfindhealing.com

This is a new page put up today.  I was going to highlight some of the info, but it's all good stuff, so I will just copy the whole page.

In a perfect world, children will grow up feeling loved, cared for and protected. They will remain innocent of life's tragedy and will grow up unscathed by it.  Unfortunately this is not always the case.  Some children experience devastating trauma before they are even able to process the events. 
If we define trauma as a overwhelming or distressing act that is unusual for someone to encounter (emphasis mine), EARLY TRAUMA would be those events that occurs to a child between the ages of 0 and 6 years old. We are typically speaking of repeated trauma that happens numerous times over a period of time  such as physical, mental or sexual abuse.  Chronic Trauma can also occur in a child who lives in a dangerous environment such as a rough neighborhood, negligent conditions or a family where arguments and physical abuse happen often.  Since the abuse can be repeated or prolonged, these children often live in a state of hyper-vigilance waiting for another episode of abuse to happen.
Because every person is different and our brains process actions in such a different manor, children can react in many different ways to Early Trauma.   Anger can be present and acting out will likely follow and can produce rage in children.  Some children may be sad and withdrawn, questioning why things happened and even startle easily expecting someone to lash out at them and be constantly fearful.  Others can shut down completely and show no emotions at all, withdrawing into their own world and becoming detached from reality or dissociating.  
Regardless of how it effects children the brutality they suffer will haunt them for a long period of time.  The adults in their life are left to pick up the pieces.  In many instances, these children are removed from their families due to the trauma and are placed into foster homes or adoptive placements.  Sometimes other family members become primary care-givers and have to learn how to care for them in the aftermath of the traumatic events.
Chronic Early Trauma in many cases can also leave behind a child who becomes "attachment resitant".  It is understandable that a child who has trusted their  caregivers to keep them safe and meet their most basic needs and has had that fail will be less likely to trust any other care giver that comes into their life.  They can also assign the anger or frustration that they have for their abuser out on the person who is now in the position to keep them safe.  They can use this as a coping mechanism to not get close to another person and allow them to let them down or hurt them.
Since we have no idea how trauma will effect a child, it should be said that in some cases, the sheer act of adoption itself could be a trauma.  Even children adopted at birth can experince a sense of loss that is so strong that it effects future relationships with care givers.  These children have experienced loss and the way it is dealt with in their brain is beyond our understanding. It is understandable that an infant that has spent 9 months in their mother's womb would feel an organic attachment to her and her environment and if that bond is broken, this could have an impact. (emphasis mine)
A child who is exhibiting attachment issues may avoid eye contact, may have a “flat” affect where smiling is rare, doesn't reach out to be near to an adult, may not seem to notice when an adult leaves the room.  They may also engage in self soothing behaviors such as rocking to comfort themselves as they have learned that others don’t fill that need.

Future relationships with these children can also be effected since the basis of building trusting relationships is broken.  They may be developmentally delayed due to lack of interest or due to neglect.  They will likely have problems relating to adults and even peers. Many other disorders tend to be comorbid Early Trauma such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Developmental Delays, Mental Retardation, BiPolar, Sensory Integration Disorder and Pervasive Developmental Disorders (Aspergers).
Impacts of Trauma
Anger problems – Anger could be expressed in numerous ways.  It could be rages and tantrums or even manipulative, passive aggressive behaviors.  These survivors may outwardly express their anger by giving very hard hugs disguised as kindness. Sometimes this anger comes out in destructive ways like destroying property.

Control issues – Most children who have grown up in a situation that was laced with trauma, need to feel as though they are in control.  So many choices have been made for them that they try to cling to a shred of control so they don’t feel helpless.  They can be defiant, oppositional, disobedient and argue constantly.  These children are sneaky and demanding in order to get what they want.

Difficulty in showing affection – typically these children have difficulty in exhibiting genuine care for their caregivers.  They are unable to trust fully, therefore showing affection with their caregivers is difficult (inhibited).  The child may be extremely withdrawn, emotionally detached, and resistant to comforting.  Children do not seek comfort from caregiver when sick or injured. They may also show inappropriate affection to strangers (disinhibited) and may seek comfort and attention from virtually anyone.

Avoiding touch – many children who have experienced trauma may flinch, laugh or get angry when touched.   Due to the resistance to attach, touch can be perceived as a threat. 
 
Lack of Conscience – these children may fail to show remorse for their actions.  Their behaviors are seen as protecting themselves so guilt, regret and remorse is not projected.  They may also engage in nonsensical lying and constant chatter.

Lack of Understanding Cause and Effect – They may not fully think through their choice to what the consequences of their actions may be, or not even fully connect the outcome with the initial decision.  This may also lead them to blame others for their behaviors or their actions.
Parenting a child with early trauma or attachment resistance can be a roller coaster.  Parents often feel frustration over how to help their child, anger that the child has to endure this difficult situation, exhaustion due to dealing with constant vigilance, anger, rages, and emotional swings.  

It is difficult to ask for help when you don’t even know how to help yourself.  Parents feel completely and utterly alone much like the child is feeling.  Parents appear angry, tired, either overly reactive to what the child does; or totally disconnected from the child.  Siblings exhibit problems of anger, fear, and depression.  The entire family is in a state of distress.

Each child encompasses their trauma differently, it is a struggle to find ways that work to help them feel safe and protected.  Trying many different things and yet being consistent in our patience and understanding is key.  Sharing our successes and failures is one way we can connect and empower other families to keep searching for healing.

You are not alone.

some fun pics...

 

Someone smiling for Daddy in the hospital

Were they more excited for me to be home, or Lily??

Rub-a-dub-dub, three boys in the tub

FROM CYBIL MARIAH'S FORMAL

 

FIRST PICTURES

THE ESSENTIALS

 

A LITTLE BRUISED UP FROM COMING SO FAST

Charles never lived in Africa, but he sure did become a "back baby" :) 

Usually he just hangs on and the girls have to walk around until he falls asleep. 

He loves it!

ETAAM

There are still a few openings for the Early Trauma and Attachment Annual Meeting in Orlando, FL this coming March 8-11!!

I gotta tell ya...I have been exctied for this ever since I registered...in June!!!  I have already met moms all over the country and am so thankful for the encouragement and understanding I have already found.  I can't wait to meet them in real life!

If you have any questions, let me know and I will do my best to get them answered.  Otherwise, email Corey at the address below.  Would love to have you join us!

WHAT is ETAAM/Orlando?

ETAAM is a respite retreat designed for moms of kids with attachment (and related) disorders. It first started in 2010 with 9 brave women who flew from all over the US in search of support for their challenging lives. In 2011, 67 women were in attendance (including our first Canadians!) In March 2012, 90 women gathered. ETAAM was created by moms of kids with attachment disorders, and is run solely on a volunteer basis. It has become an invaluable community and an indispensable annual pilgrimage for many attendees.

WHO can attend ETAAM?

ETAAM is primarily for moms of kids with attachment and related disorders (PTSD, ASD, BPD, ADHD, and a host of other alphabet soup diagnoses). We have bio moms, adoptive moms, step moms, foster moms, and other female caregivers. We have moms that are currently parenting, moms whose children are not able to live at home, and moms who no longer have a child with a trauma history in their home. ETAAM is a child-free environment. If you are unsure whether ETAAM is right for you, please email Corey Waters at jcwaters2002@yahoo.com

  For more more FAQ, click here.

To read about the rooms/villas available, click here. 

Update--there is one quad in Hollywood ($85 lodging fee) and one king ($190), one queen ($190) and two doubels ($145 each) in Party Palace still available.   There is also a $175 fee for food, ground transportation, souvenirs and other misc.

Merry Christmas!!!

PS---IT'S A GIRL!!!!

GONE

The other night I cried myself to sleep at the realization that they were gone.  I am sure I will weep my way through this as well. 

Who is gone?  They are-our precious friends, the first twelve students from IBCZ.  The students Brian helped interview, drive to the school for their first class (all 12 plus their luggage and Brian in our landrover!), the students we grew with, who became big brothers to our children, who loved us and we them.  Who we had to say goodbye to, prayed with and for, had a happy reunion with a year later, sent letters back and forth to, become friends with on facebook. 

Now they are gone, their four years of training completed and ready to graduate.  While I am happy and proud of them, it is bittersweet in a way.

Since coming home 3.5 years ago, I at least, have kept up with them, reading blogs of people who have served or visited, looking at pictures and sharing on Facebook,  sharing letters…I have kept a little bit of a connection because they were still there.  A while back I decided that I would until they graduated, then I would really need to back away.  It was always a “pipe dream” to somehow make it back once before they graduated, or for graduation, but at the cost for our family to go…well, I’d have to win the powerball and I don’t play! (okay, I do every once in awhile-like when the lottery is $370 million or more, because my chances of winning are so much better as everyone else in the country is also playing…oh well, $1 to the wildlife fund I guess.)

The other night when I read that they had left the campus it hit me.  I don’t think I was quite ready to hear that as I was thinking they’d be there a little longer since graduation isn’t until the middle of January.  All of the sudden  it felt final; they were gone, and with them, a tie to that time of our lives.  I grieved because I always pictured myself there for their last day.  I grieved for my kids, who keep asking to go back, who don’t even understand what it means that this last string is now cut.  I grieve because I guess I feel forgotten, wasted, spent, changed in a way I didn’t want to be.  This wasn’t how this was suppose to end.

And yet I suppose I should be going through this grieving, maybe I should have years ago.  Maybe it would have been easier to have wiped it all away back then, but I couldn’t.  There is still a lot unexplained, unforgotten (unforgiven?) unsatisfying, undone, unknown, unanswered.  While there will always be good memories and friendships to remember, the ache will be there too.

"mom....who's that?"

This is Charles at the end of July. Now picture another one or so inches in the bangs up front.

Tonight Charles had his first haircut.  I picked up all the kids at church.  Hailey came out of her room, looked a second and said, "Mom, who is that?"

I know it has been a super-de-dooper long time since we posted anything.  Partly, that is because I have been a part of a Facebook Liberian Mamas group where a lot of conversation has been happening.  Part of it is laziness-Brian has written a thing or two, but I have to get around to typing it up!  A part is that as I do therapy with Joe, I am able to process a lot with the counselor so I don't have it in my head needing to get out.  And of course, there is just life.  Brian is crazy busy with work and now harvest, we started school and have the yearly appointments to get through. 
I know I am feeling this restlessness again (no, it is NOT about going anywhere-take a deep breath grandmas!), some questioning about things that are going on.  We'll see if they come out in words.  Thanks for still checking in, we'll get back to you again!  (no promise though of soon!)

"normal"

I use the joke often myself: “Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.”  But the reality is we as a society do have a large area we call “normal” when it comes to social behaviors.  Of course there are variations by region, by people/social groups and what not; but still-when you see someone who is outside the “normal”, you know it.  It may the red rooster hairdo, the clothes, the vehicle.  I don’t know, but I know you know what I am talking about! 

 Nope, we are not shooting for politically correct today :)

I would say that 7 out of my 8 kids fit into that “normal” category.  Most of the time of course; kids will be kids.  Some days are rough with them as well and their actions, some of the outfits they pick make me roll my eyes, but behaviorally anyways, they are pretty normal, and they look “normal.”

The 8^th one would fit into the “normal” category is we were strictly going by pick him out of a photo normal.  And that, right there, is where so many parents of adoptive kids, traumatized kids, special needs kids get a lot of flak. 

“But he looks just like all the other kids.”   

“Oh, kids will be kids.”

Not only is this one a tough one to explain, it is very hard to deal with.  We joke sometimes that we wish the kid would put on his “hard day” sticker (ok, helmet) so it wouldn’t be so hard to handle his behaviors.  So when he is having a meltdown and transforms to a one year old rolling around on the floor, kicking his legs in the air like a baby, you could see the sticker and say-oh yeah, it’s a hard day; today he is not an 8 yr old. 

But alas, they don’t do that.  Sure, I know my child well enough to see when the day is going to be tough, and it is very tiring.  It is tiring to have to explain to anyone you may be with that day why you are doing things the way you are that day.  It is so hard when the day before he WAS a very “normal” 8 yr old playing with his friends.  Truthfully, I was actually a little relieved (?) when he had a meltdown before my parent’s anniversary party.  I honestly didn’t feel embarrassed or angry.  I was just glad that someone besides our household was able to see what we occasionally have to deal with.

And it is tough to not feel judged when you have to have these special parameters around your child, even on a “normal” day so that it doesn’t become an un-normal day.

I know-we all need a little grace each day; for our kids, for ourselves, maybe more importantly for others who don’t deal with the kind of “normal” you do.  No, maybe most important for OURSELVES-tired, frustrated, worn out moms and dads!  Parents—don’t worry about what others think of you (or you think they think!).  YOU know what is best for your child at any given day, time, place.  And it’s okay when you get tired and just need them to be in their special place so you can have some rest or spend some time with your other children (and spouse!!) who need you too.  And it’s okay that you fail sometimes.  Failure is a great opportunity to have “repair” and “redo” time.  Lots of healing can happen in those times.  Grace.  Grace for yourself today.

SHAME (ON ME)

“All day long I am reminded of my shame. My face is covered with it because of those who laugh at me and attack me with their words. They want to get even with me.”  Psalms 44:15-16 New International Reader’s Version

J had Brian read him these words the other morning.

The morning started okay, but the nervous system was definitely activated and running on high.  Numerous words were spoken about calming our engine down, doing the usual helpful things to get it calm, and yup, even some consequences were even threatened.  And still the morning continued to go downhill.  At one point it just became obvious that the potential risks of going to church were going to outweigh any possible benefits.  So the decision was made that Brian would stay home and I would take the rest to church (another post someday about how hard it is for me to be okay with that-that I don’t have to be the one to deal with everything 100% of the time).  This of course brought about the very thing we were trying to avoid (especially out in public).  I left and shortly after things settled down at home.  The list I left for him to do after calming down was finished and he began to read in his bible.

I am sure some would call it only mere “coincidence” that he ended up in Psalms reading these very verses, among others.  I can only surmise that God had a huge hand in it; for me and for him.

Anyway, he brought his bible to dad wanting him to read them to him.  Brian knew very well that he had already read them himself, so he wanted to know why he wanted those read.  “Because you didn’t let me go to church.” 

Now, one thing I am learning a lot through his therapies is the power of perception.  I have to be careful what I read/see in a situation, and then what I think he is reading/seeing, and then there is whatever he really is reading/seeing.  His perception and mine are very clearly different on many, many occasions and as we have had times where he is able to open up and talk about things, we can work together on healing the situations that he (or I) may be hanging onto that are not quite accurate. 

That day we also became aware of the fact that during a “situation” he does not remember what he was doing or saying; I maybe should have already known that.  His therapist says he disassociates once he reaches a certain point, so nope, he can’t remember much, and we want of course to try to avoid it getting there as much as possible.  As we talk through it he starts to remember.  It’s of course hard to know when he is faking the not remembering and conversely when he really doesn’t remember but is just agreeing that it happens because he thinks we want him to.

On this day Dad was able to have a good conversation about how we are trying to work with him to keep him safe, help him avoid embarrassment (he is keenly aware of the times he has acted out in public, even though he can’t control it) and how much we love him.

Me, well, that was great and all but I was struck with a 2x2 in the forehead with these verses.  I mean really, what are the odds that he would find these verses dealing with shame?  Something I had happened to be doing some thinking about.

Sometimes we do things with the best of intentions.  And yes, sometimes we mean to do them even though you know probably it won’t be helpful (to the/ child) but maybe will make you feel better…  

What am I talking about?  Yup, shaming.  What do I mean?  For me, sometimes it is just the “remember last time you did this and this happened?”  I also use my mask of sarcasm, “really, so when did I say that was okay to do?”  

Most of you will go “duh, that never works.”    

                                                                                                       

There are times though, that I bring up past incidents with various kids and I know it is a teachable moment and they will be helped by talking about the situation and it does.  

There are times too, where I want to remind the kids of past behaviors in an effort to avoid, or at least delay them for awhile.  With some of them it works, some not so much.  

And the ugly truth is sometimes I know it will do no.good.whatsoever. to bring up a past problem but I do it anyway because somehow it makes me feel…something.  Not better, not good…maybe more in control?  I don’t know what it is exactly.  I do know the line is very fine, but I also know it well and sadly chose to step over it.  I can hear a voice in my head saying “too many words” but I want to say it for my sake more than theirs.

Even more ugly, I have “attacked” my children with my words.  I hate it.  I don’t mean to, it just happens as frustration or exhaustion or disappointment or anger takes over and I vomit out all my feelings onto them.  There really is this moment where I do want to get even with them for how “they are making me”.  (“Cuz don’t I always tell them it is their own choice whether to get upset about something, and no one else’s???)  More than anything, it is my own feelings of (perceived) rejection, inadequacy and being unheard that I want to get even with, but it is triggered by something one of them does, and boom.  Explosion.

But then… grace is given.  A huge blessing of this incredibly hard year has been the learning of “repair” work.  How an apology and a hug and an “I love you” can heal a wound.  The kids have gotten pretty good about letting me know when I need to repair something I may have missed as well-hiding under the covers, talking under their breath as they walk away, tears…and they have extended to me so, so much grace that I have not given to them.  Amazing grace, amazing kids who teach me amazing lessons.

let the bidding begin!!!

Here is the link to the "Christmas in August" fundraiser for the Early Trauma and Attachment Annual Meeting.  The auction lasts for 3 weeks, closing on August 22nd.  All monies raised go towards the scholarship fund for mamas going to the retreat.
Airfare/gas money, room rental, goodies, etc... all add up.  I know some women will pay close to $1000 for this one weekend to relax, rejuvenate, reconnect so that they may go home and continue to give the best care they can for their children from some pretty hard places.
There are some fun items like baked goods, "Wonder Woman" items, jewelry, electronics, just lots of goodies to choose from.  Take a minute to look through.  The bidding has already begun!
Thank you for supporting some awesome, hard working mamas and letting them now they are NOT alone!

(If you would like to help without bidding on items, there is a "donate money" link you can follow as well!  Thanks!)

LESSONS FROM THE ROAD

For those of you who aren’t my friends on Facebook, I just signed up for my first ever 5k run.  I don’t remember if I wrote about it last summer or not, but I was planning on doing one last year with the two oldest girls for school.  Well, starting off running 3 weeks after giving birth and running everyday was.not.a.good.idea.  I ended up on my back for over a week and have had some pain every day since.

Regardless, my body has wanted me to run, it’s like a walk isn’t fast enough.  I go ever other day and up to about 2.75 miles in 33 min or so.  Yeah me!  Oh, and that thud?  Probably ever teammate and coach I have had hitting the ground in a heart attack.  Me, the fat girl who couldn’t even run maybe a quarter mile without needing to walk…

Anyway, today just after 1.3 miles or so, I got a stitch in my side; and it grew and it grew and I was beginning to doubt if I could even get to back into town without walking.  So I prayed about, asked for healing, rebuked it even :) !  And then I started confessing some sin that came to mind.  I didn’t notice the pain so much, but it was still there, and even more, I made it the full 2.75 miles.

What lessons did I learn?  Well, I was reminded once again that my sin has consequences.  Sure, there is forgiveness, we can restore relationships, but there are still hurts that will linger; we can’t forget the pain we received/caused.  

And my sin caused pain.  Jesus suffered way more than a little stitch in His side for me, for my sin.  

And when the day is going down the tubes, when I don’t know if I can make it until bedtime, God is STILL with me.  He reminded me HE NEVER LEFT, even through all the pain, the hard times, the hurts.  He has not left my side.  I just need to call out to Him, ask Him for help.  Will He make everything go away?  Probably not, but He will walk with me through it; help me get to the finish line.