Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Apologies
I’ve been thinking about a few things about apologies lately, questions really. Our teacher at bible study brought it up last week, which of course fit in some of what I had been thinking about the day before while preparing for the lesson.
We have come to see apologies as a punishment. Why? For most of us, when we hit our sister on the head, we had to go and apologize. Like it was the worst thing in the world we had to do. Not only did I get a spank, but I HAD to apologize too…
In our Christianize we talk about the apology not being for the other person, it’s for us and our relationship with God. That’s true. And of course we do it because (usually) we want to restore the relationship we had with the other person as well. But what if we don’t? What if there just isn’t a possibility of a relationship anymore? What if the other person (you think?) doesn’t want anything to do with you? What if your old news to them and your apology won’t do anything (to edify) for them? It would be good for you to repent and confess and be right with God, but as to the other person… they’ve moved on. But can you really judge that? Do you bring it up or just keep it between you and God? You know that the other person doesn’t feel their relationship is affected. BUT, they do know you have something against them, they aren’t doing anything about it either. Then that is their own sin to deal with?
How do you know when the time is right, if ever, to do anything? How do you know if it will just make things worse?
How do you know how specific an apology needs to be?
How do you go into an apology NOT expecting something back from the other party? An admission of one of their own faults in the matter for example.
How do you go into an apology without the hidden agenda of wanting to let them know how badly they hurt you (and that may be one of the reasons you did what you did)? Do they need to understand how much they hurt you?
What if you can’t go into any apology with love (for the other person anyway)? Is an apology out of obedience and brokenness to God’s word just as good?
Why are apologies SO HARD? Why do we MAKE them so hard? How can an apology bring up this many questions or scenarios? Should it? Do we just do it to ourselves?
An apology is to bring glory to God. You’ve admitted to yourself, then to God, that what you did was wrong in some way. Why is it so hard to admit it to someone else? PRIDE. You don’t want the other person to think they were right. But you can’t control that. That’s not what it is about.
We have come to see apologies as a punishment. Why? For most of us, when we hit our sister on the head, we had to go and apologize. Like it was the worst thing in the world we had to do. Not only did I get a spank, but I HAD to apologize too…
In our Christianize we talk about the apology not being for the other person, it’s for us and our relationship with God. That’s true. And of course we do it because (usually) we want to restore the relationship we had with the other person as well. But what if we don’t? What if there just isn’t a possibility of a relationship anymore? What if the other person (you think?) doesn’t want anything to do with you? What if your old news to them and your apology won’t do anything (to edify) for them? It would be good for you to repent and confess and be right with God, but as to the other person… they’ve moved on. But can you really judge that? Do you bring it up or just keep it between you and God? You know that the other person doesn’t feel their relationship is affected. BUT, they do know you have something against them, they aren’t doing anything about it either. Then that is their own sin to deal with?
How do you know when the time is right, if ever, to do anything? How do you know if it will just make things worse?
How do you know how specific an apology needs to be?
How do you go into an apology NOT expecting something back from the other party? An admission of one of their own faults in the matter for example.
How do you go into an apology without the hidden agenda of wanting to let them know how badly they hurt you (and that may be one of the reasons you did what you did)? Do they need to understand how much they hurt you?
What if you can’t go into any apology with love (for the other person anyway)? Is an apology out of obedience and brokenness to God’s word just as good?
Why are apologies SO HARD? Why do we MAKE them so hard? How can an apology bring up this many questions or scenarios? Should it? Do we just do it to ourselves?
An apology is to bring glory to God. You’ve admitted to yourself, then to God, that what you did was wrong in some way. Why is it so hard to admit it to someone else? PRIDE. You don’t want the other person to think they were right. But you can’t control that. That’s not what it is about.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
some mexico pictures
This is the building we were staying. Looking at it, we were to the right side up on the 6th floor.
One of the swimming areas, inside the hut is the main dining area.
The view out of our window at night, straight ahead.
From the window over to the right.
Out the window to the left.
To the right, more of the Bay area
Down on the beach looking out
The waves were really rolling, more than usual for this time of year, probably due to the earthquake in Chile.
It really reminded us a lot of Africa. Some pretty decent places...
...then really underdeveloped (or rundown) right next door.
(Those last two were from Mismoloya-the big deal area where Rock Hudson and Elizabeth Taylor shot a movie. There is a MOST EXCELLENT restaurant down there that we went to.)
Yes, it is really sad. But this is the jest of about all the pictures we took. We just didn't bring the camera along most of the time.
One of the swimming areas, inside the hut is the main dining area.
The view out of our window at night, straight ahead.
From the window over to the right.
Out the window to the left.
To the right, more of the Bay area
Down on the beach looking out
The waves were really rolling, more than usual for this time of year, probably due to the earthquake in Chile.
It really reminded us a lot of Africa. Some pretty decent places...
...then really underdeveloped (or rundown) right next door.
(Those last two were from Mismoloya-the big deal area where Rock Hudson and Elizabeth Taylor shot a movie. There is a MOST EXCELLENT restaurant down there that we went to.)
Yes, it is really sad. But this is the jest of about all the pictures we took. We just didn't bring the camera along most of the time.
Friday, March 19, 2010
THE INFAMOUS COW INCIDENT
What am I talking about? It is known as the cow incident.
In August before we left Zambia we were having a lot of problems with cows. They roam freely and can eat pretty much whatever they want from about July until after the rains come. When the only thing green is your garden…well, you can imagine that it is pretty tempting. They had already eaten a 100 or so cabbages along with some other produce. I was rather upset and annoyed. Wood fences will work for only so long (just ask Daniel, who had been at the school). Wood fences are just a temporary solution to a long term problem. I have lived with cattle all my life, I have a pretty good idea how they think. We’d chase the cows out and run them down the road and they would just work their way back through the bush back to the garden.
Well one day (it was on my b-day) I took the shot gun out to scare them off. I had bird shot in the gun and I shot over the cows from 30 yards. Did it work? No. Well, about a week and a half later the local villager who owned the cows came to the school when I was in town and said that I had shot one of his cows and it had died (or it had to be put down- not sure, the story seemed to change throughout the day). He said the cow had 2 broken back legs. I found that interesting considering that the cow had been walking around for a week and a half. Later at the BIG meeting they presented me with the evidence….. 4 BBs- yes, I said 4 BBs they found in the cow’s hide. I started to laugh. These 4 BBs from a bird shot round broke both back legs on the cow (two in each leg they told me). Now, I never saw the cow and as far as I know nobody else from the school did either. But I was guilty and the cow had to be paid for. I said fine I’d pay for the cow, which was done. But then there was the matter of restitution for more, I guess it was for pain and suffering. I don’t know. All I know is the cow was paid for three times over by the time it was all said and done. Tembo made out very well that day. He is the local villager that everyone has problems with. His cows eat everyone’s gardens, but he doesn’t care, his cows are being fed. He is also the wealthiest man around, because he has more cows than everyone else. In the midst of the discussion at the BIG meeting I offered to buy all his cows as a resolution to prevent further problems. It must not have been a good idea because everyone got very excited. To me it seemed logical, buying cows is something I have done for many years and I was successful doing it.
Why do I tell you this VERY unflattering story about myself? It was a mistake on my part. As was African culture and custom, I apologized and it was taken care of.
I tell it because there are rumors and lies being told about it and that it is the reason why we had to leave. I have been told by friends that people have come to them and say they heard I have an uncontrollable temper. Considering I was the one there at the time of the shooting, I would have thought someone would have talked to me about the incident and gotten my side of the story. But what seems to have happened is that the exaggerations and lies from some were believed by others because it was a means to an end. And that end-us leaving. It is what certain people wanted and it (I) played right into their hands.
What was interesting is the fact that many of the locals were upset that I was leaving and that this incident was being used as the reason. You see in the African culture, once the meeting has taken place and an agreement was made and payment was given, it is never to be mentioned again. It was done in their eyes as though it had never happened and it was not to be mentioned again or used against someone (me). They saw using it as rude and unchristian. Rueben (one of the village elders) told me, “it is not a big deal; we have at least one of these incidents every year”.
He also wrote in letter to our pastor,
“on the incident of you shooting Mr. Tembo’s cow. Anyway, that sometimes happens even to us the indigenous, where you found cattle or maybe goats stray in someone’s gardens or field destroying crops, sometimes the owners of the garden or field becomes emotional and decides to harm the animals in one way or the others as you did it, but such cases are always resolved amicably by the village leaders and there is nothing sinister to what happened between you and Mr. Tembo. Such things happen in our community. It is a big surprise that this incident has made you to leave our community.”
(I would only add that shooting over them wasn’t done out of emotion, especially not uncontrolled rage. I had planned to shoot over the cows to scare them. It usually works to get them to run away and not come back for quite awhile).
What I found so sad was that the culture permits the cows roaming because it is tradition. They know this tradition hurts the people but it is tradition. And you do not mess with tradition. I guess that philosophy transcends cultures. Maybe I shouldn’t have cared. But I know that the villagers, and yes the students, needed the food to eat. I cared more about feeding them than feeding the cows.
It is clear that many people do not know me very well because if I intended to shoot that cow, I would have dropped it where it stood and would have had the tenderloins on the brai (grill) the same day. The incident does not really bother me, it’s the lies and the fact that people that know better (still) don’t bother to check out the whole story. I can honestly look back on it and laugh. The whole story is just really funny. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Did I have a big metal lapse? Absolutely. Is it something that is going to haunt me? Absolutely NOT. I have moved on and continue to. And the people that want to tell the lies or believe them- well I guess they will have to answer for that. I have now said what I needed to say, so I am done. But if there is ever someone that wants to ask me about it (or anything else for that matter), I have always had an open door policy and I intend to keep it that way. Ask away. We have never shyed from sharing our experiences and what we learned.
In August before we left Zambia we were having a lot of problems with cows. They roam freely and can eat pretty much whatever they want from about July until after the rains come. When the only thing green is your garden…well, you can imagine that it is pretty tempting. They had already eaten a 100 or so cabbages along with some other produce. I was rather upset and annoyed. Wood fences will work for only so long (just ask Daniel, who had been at the school). Wood fences are just a temporary solution to a long term problem. I have lived with cattle all my life, I have a pretty good idea how they think. We’d chase the cows out and run them down the road and they would just work their way back through the bush back to the garden.
Well one day (it was on my b-day) I took the shot gun out to scare them off. I had bird shot in the gun and I shot over the cows from 30 yards. Did it work? No. Well, about a week and a half later the local villager who owned the cows came to the school when I was in town and said that I had shot one of his cows and it had died (or it had to be put down- not sure, the story seemed to change throughout the day). He said the cow had 2 broken back legs. I found that interesting considering that the cow had been walking around for a week and a half. Later at the BIG meeting they presented me with the evidence….. 4 BBs- yes, I said 4 BBs they found in the cow’s hide. I started to laugh. These 4 BBs from a bird shot round broke both back legs on the cow (two in each leg they told me). Now, I never saw the cow and as far as I know nobody else from the school did either. But I was guilty and the cow had to be paid for. I said fine I’d pay for the cow, which was done. But then there was the matter of restitution for more, I guess it was for pain and suffering. I don’t know. All I know is the cow was paid for three times over by the time it was all said and done. Tembo made out very well that day. He is the local villager that everyone has problems with. His cows eat everyone’s gardens, but he doesn’t care, his cows are being fed. He is also the wealthiest man around, because he has more cows than everyone else. In the midst of the discussion at the BIG meeting I offered to buy all his cows as a resolution to prevent further problems. It must not have been a good idea because everyone got very excited. To me it seemed logical, buying cows is something I have done for many years and I was successful doing it.
Why do I tell you this VERY unflattering story about myself? It was a mistake on my part. As was African culture and custom, I apologized and it was taken care of.
I tell it because there are rumors and lies being told about it and that it is the reason why we had to leave. I have been told by friends that people have come to them and say they heard I have an uncontrollable temper. Considering I was the one there at the time of the shooting, I would have thought someone would have talked to me about the incident and gotten my side of the story. But what seems to have happened is that the exaggerations and lies from some were believed by others because it was a means to an end. And that end-us leaving. It is what certain people wanted and it (I) played right into their hands.
What was interesting is the fact that many of the locals were upset that I was leaving and that this incident was being used as the reason. You see in the African culture, once the meeting has taken place and an agreement was made and payment was given, it is never to be mentioned again. It was done in their eyes as though it had never happened and it was not to be mentioned again or used against someone (me). They saw using it as rude and unchristian. Rueben (one of the village elders) told me, “it is not a big deal; we have at least one of these incidents every year”.
He also wrote in letter to our pastor,
“on the incident of you shooting Mr. Tembo’s cow. Anyway, that sometimes happens even to us the indigenous, where you found cattle or maybe goats stray in someone’s gardens or field destroying crops, sometimes the owners of the garden or field becomes emotional and decides to harm the animals in one way or the others as you did it, but such cases are always resolved amicably by the village leaders and there is nothing sinister to what happened between you and Mr. Tembo. Such things happen in our community. It is a big surprise that this incident has made you to leave our community.”
(I would only add that shooting over them wasn’t done out of emotion, especially not uncontrolled rage. I had planned to shoot over the cows to scare them. It usually works to get them to run away and not come back for quite awhile).
What I found so sad was that the culture permits the cows roaming because it is tradition. They know this tradition hurts the people but it is tradition. And you do not mess with tradition. I guess that philosophy transcends cultures. Maybe I shouldn’t have cared. But I know that the villagers, and yes the students, needed the food to eat. I cared more about feeding them than feeding the cows.
It is clear that many people do not know me very well because if I intended to shoot that cow, I would have dropped it where it stood and would have had the tenderloins on the brai (grill) the same day. The incident does not really bother me, it’s the lies and the fact that people that know better (still) don’t bother to check out the whole story. I can honestly look back on it and laugh. The whole story is just really funny. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Did I have a big metal lapse? Absolutely. Is it something that is going to haunt me? Absolutely NOT. I have moved on and continue to. And the people that want to tell the lies or believe them- well I guess they will have to answer for that. I have now said what I needed to say, so I am done. But if there is ever someone that wants to ask me about it (or anything else for that matter), I have always had an open door policy and I intend to keep it that way. Ask away. We have never shyed from sharing our experiences and what we learned.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Am I really amazed by God/Christ anymore? Does He excite me? Have I “relabeled” His love for me (to something else-His care, His provision, His healing, His peace, etc) so that it doesn’t “feel” like love anymore? When I get a sense of peace, is that not because of His love for me? Paul writes in Ephesians about wanting us to EXPERIENCE the love of Christ. How do you experience? An “experience” is some type of situation or a crisis or an event. Then yes, I have really experienced Christ’s love!!!
But is it now so comfortable, so expected, that is just doesn’t “feel” exciting anymore? I have never been an awe person-like seeing a work of nature and just dwelling and looking and saying, “Awe-that is so awesome! God is so great!” I am more a “that’s really cool”, let’s move on… (maybe because I just don’t like the outdoors??? Hee-hee) Being married to the same man for 14 years, the love we have isn’t so much the lusty feeling it once was (okay maybe it is at times!). It’s a different, more mature love.
How does the “feeling” you have of the love of God change the longer you know it? How do you wait expectedly, as opposed to maybe just expecting it?
So how do YOU “feel” God’s love?
But is it now so comfortable, so expected, that is just doesn’t “feel” exciting anymore? I have never been an awe person-like seeing a work of nature and just dwelling and looking and saying, “Awe-that is so awesome! God is so great!” I am more a “that’s really cool”, let’s move on… (maybe because I just don’t like the outdoors??? Hee-hee) Being married to the same man for 14 years, the love we have isn’t so much the lusty feeling it once was (okay maybe it is at times!). It’s a different, more mature love.
How does the “feeling” you have of the love of God change the longer you know it? How do you wait expectedly, as opposed to maybe just expecting it?
So how do YOU “feel” God’s love?
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