Sometimes you got to wonder, am I crazy or is everyone else losing their minds? I watch and listen to the discussions taking place in the "Christian" circles and wonder what in the hell is going on. Pun intended. Everything I have been taught, everything I believe is being questioned by "Christians". Is hell real? And I ask, "Are you really asking that question?" You are a pastor, gone to seminary and you don't know. If you don't know or don't think hell is a real place let me ask you: is God just, is HE righteous? Or is HE only love? If HE is only love than HE is a fool or worse because HE sent HIS SON to die for my sin and yours. Than HE is neither righteous nor just if HE is only love and all people "eventually" get to heaven. If all people eventually get to heaven than what is the point of evangelism? The gospels are pointless. The bible is a joke. But I know that not to be true. There is a hell and a heaven. I believe this doctrine that is being preached is a doctrine of demons (But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, 1 Timothy 4:1) meant to mislead people from the truth. And that is that there is a judgment day. People don't want to hear that, they want to live their life the way they want now without eternal consequences. The Bible does not teach that. The thing about Satan is he knows scripture and will use a little bit of truth (God is love) but will leave out the rest to lead people astray. That is why we are to be on guard at all times, not from just the world but from what is within our churches. That is exactly what scripture has told us. The question is are you on guard or are you getting caught up in the emotion and hype and going with the flow? If you are, you are in a dangerous place because you are right where Satan wants you.

“Uh-oh. Brian is writing again” read Kelly’s facebook status the other day. I guess I am. I just wish it wasn’t in the middle of the night when I am supposed to be sleeping! It’s good, at least she thinks so. I am starting to feel a little fire in the soul again (did Someone just breath?). Lots of different posts coming up-some will be completely new as I process and get ready to go to Zambia for a short trip (and some closure perhaps?), some were written over the past year and now edited, some we’ve written together. I am not going to tell you which is which :) ‘cuz it doesn’t really matter anyway. Some will make no sense to you at all; some may shock you; some will resonate in a way that you can’t explain. Just bear with the ramblings of a wounded, weary soul trying to reconcile things, longings, questions… I am just one who is trying to reconcile where I have been with where I am now and questioning what things look like…can you handle my questions and where I am? What I say? (Although, as far as I know I am on no one’s required reading list…haha). Yes, I am asking myself too, can I handle where you are at? God created us, God LOVES us, and we are working out our faith in our own time and own processes, and I guess, some more publically than others. No, I usually don’t think about if what I am going to say will offend you or anyone else. I am NOT a writer; so when I get up in the middle of the night with the same thing going through my head over and over again, and I can sit down and a post just comes up, I know it isn’t so much me. If I have to sit and struggle to come up with anything, I usually don’t; I won’t try that hard. I talked about it once here. Sometimes I just feel as if I am supposed to say something, regardless of the outcome.
About a year after coming back from Zambia, I had a talk with a guy who just said “thanks a lot”. No idea what I did-or which one thing he was referring to anyway! But he specifically brought up this Watchman post. He knew he was supposed to be doing that in his church, and he wasn’t. Because of that post, he finally decided to do it. And guess what? It cost him; cost him a lot-a church family and a job to start with. As painful as that was though, he KNEW that was what he was suppose to do/speak out-he knew he was the watchman, and if he didn’t say what he was suppose to, it was “on me.” I haven’t talked to him lately, but I have complete trust that God is taking care of him and his family right now.
Painful, hard, pointed…whatever words you want to use. Sometimes you just need to say what you need to say and let God take care of the rest.

"the show"

Oh boy, now you’re wondering who I am going to offend (I know my wife is!). Might be a lot of people but hear me out first. I see Sunday morning “worship” as a show, I do. And I am not alone in it. But I want to explain so you can see where I am coming from. I understand that there are a great many people that get a great deal out of Sunday morning worship (I have as well at times), I am not here to discount that. I just want to show you a different perspective (one that I am not alone in). Let me ask you, where did our current Sunday morning worship come from? What was it born out of? Answer: the popular Christian music industry (look at the music we sing). Our Sunday morning is not a lot different than going to a Christian music concert (complete with stadium seating and the best singers and musicians we got). It is entertainment plain and simple. Yes, there are some that view it as worship and I think that is very sad because I don’t think they know what worship really is and never will as long as they can be entertained (and get that warm fuzzy feeling). Am I saying you cannot worship in that kind of setting …No. What I am saying is we are and will continue to sell everyone short if this is all it is ever going to be. Oh yes, I can hear some tell me already, “You need to have grace for those that are not where you are.” And I can only say that I hope they never have to be on the same path I have been on and be where I am at. I don’t write this as someone with some sort of spiritual superiority (I don’t need to be reminded who I am, I know). I write this as someone who sees things and has the stupidity/courage (you chose) to say them. I want the best for everyone, period. Really, I am not looking to offend people but it is going to happen when you chose to be honest and write what is in your heart. And if that means knocking over the apple cart to do it, I’m ok with that. I really am not looking to make enemies, only to challenge your thinking and want you to want more than the world has to offer.

***UPDATED BELOW***

The other day I was talking with someone about church and I asked him if they went anywhere. His response was, “Yes, wherever we decide on Sunday morning.” They had been to most of the churches in town and have not yet found a church home. I told them where I went but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. As it turns out, they had been there. He told me the building was really nice and the service was fine -and this is where I could feel the “but” coming on- so I said “but” and he finished, “it felt like a show. When I left I felt like I needed to go over to the Catholic Church so I could pray and be with God.” Wow…. Just sit and mull on that for a few minutes. What might be sadder is that I don’t disagree with him and yet I am still there. (Not really for me-it is for my kids, right or wrong, I don’t know). I didn’t get a chance to tell him about the church I attend on Sunday night.

It is small and honestly it is a bunch of broken, messed up people that have decided to be honest about where they are. There are not many secrets here. Honestly, most of us didn’t even want to do this and start getting together. I look at it now and realize that God stepped in and decided that it was time and that we were ready even though we were telling ourselves (and some continue to tell themselves) that we are not ready. Thing is HE sees the fire inside you. It is the one you/I have been trying to put out so God can write you off. The problem: He sees the fire is just about getting to the point where you are going to lose control of it and HE sees it and has been waiting. Waiting, because HE knows you cannot put it out, once that fire has been lit…. It will NEVER go out…..EVER. It does not matter how hard you try (and God knows how hard I have tried), you cannot put it out. You can knock it down for a time, even get it down to hot coals and no flame, but all GOD has got to do….. is breath on it.

***UPDATE***
Any good blog post, I think, should generate some discussion. This one may have provoked the wrong discussion. While I can’t speak to what this other guy thought was a “show”, I know what I meant, and it is not about any one person, my church or even about any one church. The majority of churches in America would get my vote as showy. “The show” for me is anything that is a distraction for me from what I am supposed to focused on.
The point of that paragraph was to segue into what I feel is my “church home” and what God is doing there.
I am sorry if you were hurt by my comments, I certainly could have fleshed them out better so my meaning was more clear the first time.

THE PENDULUM OF PRAYER

The discussion at our small group the other night was on prayer. In my mind I saw prayer as a pendulum that swings back and forth in our/my faith walk. On one end you talk to him all the time about everything; God is your buddy or friend and there is an arrogance in your attitude and a casualness in your tone and conversation. On the other end, you never talk to Him. And somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot of reverence and adoration. In those times more often than not-words are optional; tears are more common. And every teardrop speaks volumes that words just cannot do justice to. It seems so hard to get and stay at that place because something gives the pendulum another push.

the real africa

I am hoping you can read this--may have to click on it to enlarge.

sixteen years

(this was our engagement picture)

Sixteen years ago today I became Mrs. Brian Kallevig. Who in the world could ever have imagined the adventures that would come marrying a dairy farmer?! Of course no one can really foresee where they will go, do , become...but I am pretty sure that our adventures would have never been a blimp on the radar for anyone to see coming!
And our adventures keep coming. Sometimes they are dull and boring, sometimes more than we think we can stand, but always together. Thank you for being my guide, my scout, my instructor, my companion, my friend, my lover, my dream man.

I LOVE YOU AND HERE'S TO ANOTHER 16 MORE,
WHEREVER THEY MAY LEAD!!!