Walking "It" Out

help 4 hope afrika

2012-01-20T13:51:00.002-06:00

I was wondering what happened to Jack & Judy's website until a note popped up on Facebook about a change with a link to this video.

It's long, but Judy did a great job on it! It's fun for us to see how our and your "stuff" is still being used in ministry (Brian really misses that truck!). I had some great plans I'm sure about what I was going to write, but that was almost a week ago, and it still hasn't happened :) So here it is anyway!
I don't know if I should even try to explain. Stuff is just stuff, I know. But there was something that Brian said as we watched. He said, "Seeing all that stuff, and it still being used, it helps it feel a little more like our time there wasn't a waste."
Sometimes we think of all the work, time, and money (and pain) that it took to get to Zambia, to be there, to leave and there is still pain and sorrow. But it wasn't all in vain-for us or for you. Your gifts are still be used to minister to people in Zambia, just in a new place and in new ways. Thanks again for your prayers, love, gifts, time. Even when we don't see or know what it is, God has a bigger plan!

2012-01-13T16:35:00.001-06:00

Well, it’s been awhile since posting! Some days (most!) I just don’t feel I have anything to say and less time to say it. Other times I have too much to say. After writing and processing it, there’s a peace and it’s best to leave it there.
We’ve been doing the daily grind as usual with school and housework. Everyone is growing and just living life I guess (how original, eh?). The last few weeks since Christmas have been emotionally/mentally/spiritually exhausting so the body is feeling it too.
Many of you will remember that we took J down for some visits and testing at the U of Minnesota Intl Adoption Clinic. We got the preliminary results in a visit a couple weeks ago and are now waiting for the full report to read through and digest. He’s still doing speech therapy, occupational therapy and his play therapy with mom. We have made HUGE progress with him, and I have as well. I was seeing a counselor at the same time to continue to process all that was going on. If love is patient, love is kind, self-controlled, gentle and so on…then I definitely love him way more than I did before. I guess I have finally felt I’ve been forgiven for numerous things in the past related to him, and I am choosing to continue to believe even when I feel attacked-a voice says that forgiveness/forgiving myself is too easy. Sometimes it seems that I let this or that go too “easy.” I can step back and say if that was easy, I never want to see hard! It has been a tough process for me and him too I know.
Lately we’ve been dealing with A LOT of behavior issues as he progresses through his stuff too. Many, many times in the last two weeks he has regressed to a 3 year old behaviorally and mentally. When his anger flares it is even younger, sometimes around one. There were a few scary times too, but they SEEM to be behind us (praying!). It is draining to deal with these tantrums as they take a lot of my time, and they feel like we are letting him “get away” with things that were never problems before. It’s hard to keep perspective of a 3 year old in an 8 year old body. Of course the other kids all need me as well and they are missing the attention so they act out as well, especially the boys. I lose my patience with them easier as I am maybe just trying to push through dealing with J so that we get to the next step in his healing. In the last two or three days I’ve seen marked improvement from 5 days ago. The thought is that he will continue to come back around closer to his physical age as the relationship continues to get better. I know he’s gotta test it out to be sure the changes are gonna “stick”, but some days are really wowzer!
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! to all those who have been praying for us! It is God that is keeping us a float through your prayers! We so appreciate it and ask that you continue to make mention of us to our YAHWEH ROPHE-the LORD WHO HEALS.

identities

2011-12-07T22:47:00.001-06:00

We all have numerous identities. The farmer, the banker, the doctor. The dad, the son, the sister, brother, etc.
I have had many identities in my life. In high school and bible school I was coach’s daughter and some others I won’t share ;-). Then I was Brian’s wife-the wife of a dairy farmer. I became Cybil’s mom, and then lots of babies’ moms! I was numerous things in the Willmar Mothers of Preschoolers group and at church, one of the well-known was the “organizer”. Then we of course became the (big family) missionaries who went to Africa. Throughout all this time, I was the mom of (4,5..8) who home schools and seems to be able to do it all with ease.
About 6 years ago, my identities were rocked, and rocked hard. Sure they had changed (single to married, working to staying at home), but then they were hit hard. Hard at was I who everyone (including myself) thought I was? Or at least perceived to be? And I am just now understanding what that rocking was.
I am a mom; that is who I am, what I do…and I didn’t (and still don’t always) see myself doing a very good job anymore.
I was a missionary, but now-well, I am back.
I have become the mother of Brian’s children, more than Brian’s wife.
What else do I have? Who am I? Am I anything else? Why is my identity tied to what I DO more than who I AM? Why do I judge who I AM based on how I am DOING it?
All I know is that I had/have begun to believe the lie that I am no longer doing a very good job at any of them. Based on what? On
the kids’ behavior? On my feelings? On the fact that I am where I am (physically) today.
Logically I know I am more than what my feelings will allow-I am. so. left. brained. My emotions do not connect to my knowledge a lot of the times. I rely on my logic so much, why should my feelings matter? Fake it till you make it, right? But there seems to be this aspect of feeling that is buried so deep, that the lies are believed there maybe. I have no problem believing something on the head level, but is my faith and trust truly behind it if I am not “feeling” it?
Yes, I know my identity in Christ. I am a daughter of the King, and I don’t want to discount that (logically). That is true but that is a whole other side that feels as if it has been rocked. I believed and followed through at a high cost, and whether just perceived or not, I feel my identity has changed in other’s eyes because of that too. Like that should matter, I know; but it does.
Because my children are seemingly my “it” right now-every function of life seems to revolve around them-what they do (it feels somewhere down deep) reflects on me. I have these standards and expectations for them that are mostly unrealistic. Standards for them that I don’t always hold to myself.
Grace. For whatever reason, my grace card with them isn’t very high, even for the littlest of mistakes (3+3=7). Stupid mistakes bother me with them and the sarcasm comes out (Really? 3+3=7? That’s what you learned 2 years ago in math?). Yet if I do something stupid like forget to subtract a check in the checkbook I just say “oops, forgot that one.”
How do I change this? Because I will always be their mom. This is where I have to choose to “walk out” my identity in Christ, but again that feels tattered still too. There is no intimacy, oftentimes I am only hanging on to the logic of it all. And I think that is enough, but it’s not all it is suppose to be. I am not looking for another thing to do to make myself a new identity either. I don’t want to start some new project so I can then be associated with that.
So without being too “Christian-eaze”, how do you deal with your identities-in Christ, as a mom, as a teacher/doctor/worker? How do you separate them? What do you do when you don’t feel you are doing one of them very well? When you struggle with the grace needed to do and be each of them? When you know that you are more than what you do but it just doesn’t feel like it?

National Geography Bee

2011-12-03T13:30:00.001-06:00

This past Wednesday Greta & Mariah participated in the area (home school) National Geography Bee. (I don't know if the public school here does it or not). It is for 4th-8th graders. Cybil & Mariah did it when they were in 4th/5th grades too.
The kids had a fun practice session a few weeks earlier. Mariah got 2nd place! Just one question made the difference. They both did a great job and I am really proud of Greta for doing it-that age range is pretty big and she said it was scary in front of all those people.
Some of the questions seemed just plain ridiculous, like who is gonna know that stuff?? Then some of it made me just realize how much info I take for granted. Like Wichita...everyone knows that is in Kansas, don't that???

Stationery card

2011-11-28T10:51:00.003-06:00

Merry Moments Christmas Card

Create personalized Christmas cards at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

2011-11-19T20:45:00.001-06:00

Our clemetis (sp?) is STILL blooming!

Not bad for the first trappings of the season...

10 coons (told by the fur trader it was the nicest lot he had seen yet this year!)
4 fox
4 skunks
3 ferral cats
1 possum
4 musk rats

2011-11-18T20:39:00.002-06:00

A few days ago Charles did the big first rollover to the screaming cheers of eight fans (Bri missed it). Here is his motivation--chewing on those fingers.

And...he made it.

And discovered it's not really all that exciting.

This morning Shera decided to lay down next to Henry and he grabbed her ear. Well, she of course wanted MORE attention. At one point he let go, so she was trying to "motivate" him to do some more but getting her nose under him. Later she put her head on his tummy, then her front paws and face. Very, very cute. But we probably won't be letting that happen anymore :) My 100lb dog on my 20lb baby isn't such a good idea.

This little curl was from a couple of weeks ago.

written and brought to you by Miss Hailey Rose...

2011-10-31T16:07:00.002-06:00

WHAT A HAPPY DAY
What a happy day it is to go and play
There are leaves on the ground and it's fall
Soon it will be winter so get out the winter supplies
Snow is falling on the ground
Winter is here, it's here
It's cold outside but warm inside
Hot cocoa we drink
What a happy day
What a happy day it is yeah.

MY GOD
My God you are my God
You are my Lord
You are the Lord of all
You are my king
Lord I want you
I want to praise you
I love you, I love you
Lord I want you so much
You are the king of the world
And I will praise you with all my heart.

It's a pretty normal day for Hailey to be singing away songs that she just makes up. Sunday she decided to write some down :) She even has Myron blaring away his made up songs now!

THE GRACE CARD

2011-10-26T13:02:00.002-05:00

We watched a new movie last night, THE GRACE CARD. It was made by Calvary Church of the Nazarene in Memphis, TN. It was really pretty good. (Brian even cried at the end!)

A good movie for us for right now, I wonder what we will do with it?

Here is Tenth Avenue North with scenes from the movie.

I promise to pray for you everyday,
ask your forgiveness,
grant you the same,
and be your friend always.

2011-10-17T16:37:00.003-05:00

JUST SOME FUN PHOTOS--
have some from the wedding this summer to get up soon too.

Joe, Greta, Hailey, Charles, Cybil, Myron, Mariah, Henry

One of our favorite "african" meals. We ate this, A LOT. Eggs, toast (with homemade apple butter-in Zambia it was homemade rhubarb jelly!), little bacon (usually didn't have that) and a mix of peppers and onions fresh from the garden-fried in plenty of OIL of course!

The little man is getting big!

almost 3 months now-where has the time gone??!!

With my back problems I haven't really been able to do this yet, but I am sure he will grow to love it like Henry did!

We were all looking at some pictures at grandma's lately. It is just interesting how they are all such carbon copies as babies. There were pictures where you could hardly tell which baby was who!

this is something I needed to hear this week

2011-10-14T19:26:00.002-05:00

The End of Adoption

(Once he gets to his sales pitch, you can take off. But don't miss the first half.)

they did it!!!!

2011-10-11T17:27:00.002-05:00

Saturday was the big day-Cybil & Mariah's 5k. I was not able to run it with them, or even walk it. I was/am pretty disappointed as it was my idea, but oh well, I'll get over it eventually! :)
It was a rainy day, but not too hot or cold. Charles and I were there (trying) to cheer them on. We drove out to the halfway point and then the corner near the end and finally the finish line. I, of course, forgot the camera.
As I said it was rainy and I guess a little slippery. On the one "hill" of the course Cybil slipped and fell down, twisting her ankle some. She pretty much walked the rest of the way. Mariah ran more but dealt with a "stitch" for much of the race.
I am proud of them for doing it. As I said, Charles and I "tried" to cheer them on; but I would get all misty every time I saw them or thought of them doing it, so I couldn't even say much-they got a thumbs up I think. I guess I can blame it on the postpartum hormones!
I wish I had been able to finish helping them train as the last 4 weeks or so was on the honor system of how much they ran vs. walked. I think they did as well as they could without that extra mom-kick in the pants.
I am sure they NEVER want to do that again! But they may just have to so I can have someone to run with next summer when I do my first 5k.

Great job girls!

Projecting Poverty Where It Doesn’t Exist

2011-09-20T18:09:00.002-05:00

Great article from Steve Saint--

Projecting Poverty Where It Doesn’t Exist

2011-09-13T12:29:00.002-05:00

Anyone would think that having 6 days at home on the couch on your back, you'd be able to catch up with some things (reading, paperwork, etc). Well, it seems not so much. I can barely even tell you what I have been doing the last week.
Thursday morning I had appts with Henry and Charles while Joe had therapy. I decided to carry Charles in his car seat in case there were any "issues" with Henry. Not a good idea. By the time we were leaving I was starting to hurt, BAD. My back, legs were killing. It hurt to walk, I could barely drive, let alone a stick shift; and I still had to pick up Joe and get to a funeral. Well, needless to say I did not make it to the funeral. When I finally made it home with the three boys, Cybil and Mariah practically had to carry me into the house while I cried the whole way. My sciatic nerve had been sore and twitching off and on for a long time, since during pregnancy. Then I started running 3 weeks ago. I am not sure if that had an affect or not, but I am sure it didn't help.
After putting my legs up and resting and a warm bath, I actually didn't feel too bad, thought the worse was over. I made it through the night, but the next morning it was like starting all over again. I went into a chiropractor that morning and she had me back in for another treatment that afternoon. I can't tell you the name of the bones/area that is troublesome, but it's all in the hind end where the sciatic nerve is. Apparently it's one of the 3 bone areas that are affected in childbirth. She said the area was incredibly swollen, and because I am nursing we have to deal with my hormones which seem to be fighting everything I try to get the swelling down.
I do ice 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off. I have done some muscle stimulation as well. I have also been to the chiro 2x a day Sat, Mon and will today. She said we may be able to take a day off tomorrow, we'll see what this afternoon holds. Thankfully she only charges by the day, not by the appt so going 2x costs the same as going once.
I almost had Brian take me to the ER on Friday night I was in so much pain (it gets worse before getting better, don't they say?). I did find out I could take a little stronger pain reliever so I made it through the night. It's weird to me that it really isn't even my back that is bugging me. It's all along the nerve path to my foot-my knee hurts, my ankle hurts, my calf feels like there is a charlie there I can't get rid of, but the muscle isn't tight at all. I have been icing my leg some now too. Sitting is pretty tough, driving is a killer. All those things just make the nerve path SCREAM. I actually think it feels worse than labor because it doesn't come and go like contracts-I don't know how long it will last or how to get relief for it.

I was supposed to run a 5K with Cybil and Mariah on October 8th. They are still doing their Couch 2 5K training {or so they say :-) }. I would still really like to run with them, but it's 3 1/2 weeks away and I just don't know if I will have enough time to build up to it (or even when I will be able to start running again). Neither of them are happy about running it in the first place, so since I am the one "making" them do it, I really do want to do it with them. I guess we'll have to wait and see. And as I type that, I know I sound super crazy considering how much pain I have been in for a week!

Anyway, I can't believe how little I have gotten done. I was going to start a book Saturday figuring I would finish it in no time, but I never got to it. I get pretty tired during the day because I wake up in big pain at night and can't get back to sleep (although now I think I know why that was happening and slept pretty good last night). Parenting from the couch isn't the easiest thing either. I know C & M are getting tired of having to do everything. And then there is school. It's just hard to get motivated to do it lying down. Going into town twice a day for appts takes up to an hour as well, and then I gotta rest when I get back. I know, I have it real tough :-). I am still hoping to wake up one morning miraculously healed!

new pics of Charles :-)

2011-09-07T16:39:00.002-05:00

for sale

2011-09-05T13:24:00.003-05:00

Love seat and couch set. Still in very good condition. Asking $200 for the set.
Can deliver in the area :-)

Here is a close up of the pattern.

AN OVERDUE BABY STORY

2011-08-20T12:40:00.006-05:00

Of course, he wasn’t overdue…just my telling of his baby story. I was thinking and wondering why people tell and love to hear baby stories in the first place. I think it is partly just because it is about one of the most wonderful things that you can do in the world, but yet it doesn’t really last in a way. Soon after you start to forget what the actual experience was (especially any pain!). So, it may be good for you that I have waited almost four weeks, especially if you don’t like too many details! :-)

On Tuesday the 26th of July I went in for my regular 38 or so week checkup. I had had a few days here or there were I felt different or something, but nothing that felt like labor at all. The week before I had dilated to three cm if I remember. That morning I was a 4-5 and my waters were bulging, ready to come out. “I don’t think it is safe for you to go home” my doc told me. I have a history of transitioning and delivering very quickly (yeah me!). I did go home and get my bag and meet Brian so he could bring me in and we wouldn’t have two cars at the hospital. I got there around 11 am and got all checked in, had a little to eat and started walking around some. My dr. came a little before 1pm to break my water. I called Brian about 2pm and said he should probably come pretty soon. I wasn’t feeling too much, but as I said, once I do it can be boom-time!
He got there and we walked up and down the hall a time or two to get him some snacks and pop then started watching TV and at 3pm or so transition started. The nurse checked around 3:30 and I was at 8cm and moving right along. She quick called the doc who came as soon as she could. About that time the nurse also asked if I wanted any pain meds. I really haven’t been at the hospital early enough to have them before so hadn’t thought too much about it. I did get a shot of Nubane (sp?) and of course am glad I did! There were a few intense ones!
At 4:07 I was finally at a 10 so it was time to deliver. It is funny to me how I just started talking matter of fact about anything and everything in those few minutes. I remember thinking that up to that point I was totally okay thinking about labor and delivery and then when it was time I had a minute of “I can’t do this!” overwhelming feeling. I know this time also felt different because of the pain meds. It relaxed me enough that when it was time to push it felt like it took a lot of effort to even get the gumption to give a push. Anyway, three minutes later at 4:10 Charles Everett was born! Believe me, it felt like A LOT longer than three minutes! It was really only about two long pushes without a break in-between. His umbilical cord was around his shoulder a little like a harness, so he could start to come out then pull back in when I would stop to breathe. Who knows how much quicker it could have been!!
They took him to get weighed, measured, and cleaned up and all that and boy did he scream through the whole thing. Guess they call it the Nubane cry. As soon as they picked him up and brought him to me though, he immediately stopped crying-he knew his momma!

We of course spent the next two nights at the hospital. Brian brought all the kids up to see us the next day. Everyone had to have a turn holding him!

He was about 38 weeks, maybe a little earlier as you can tell by all the "cheese"

Dad making the phone calls

Finally cleaned up and cozy

Henry was just so cute-had this nervous/happy laugh for the first five minutes he was there

So proud!

Greta's turn

Sweet Hailey's

Mariah trying to get a turn

Mariah, our baby whisperer

Myron's turn

Myron being Myron!

Joe

(Cybil was everyone's helper but Brian didn't get a picture of just she and Charles)

KEEP VOTING!!!

2011-08-16T18:10:00.002-05:00

I know, Brian thinks I am crazy, but the girls' bedroom made it to the finals of the Room Makeover Contest!! Please click the photo and vote-often! You can vote once each hour if you even want to! :-)

the last two weeks...

2011-08-09T13:47:00.003-05:00

...have been way more crazy than I would prefer!

Thought I would take a few minutes to write a bit. Of course, a few minutes will end up taking longer than I think just as everything else seems to be taking longer. Heck, even turning on the computer took longer as it did some wonky thing.

Things just seem more crazy and busy but really, I am not sure they are. 60-75% of the time everything is just going along and doing it's thing, then there are these moments of just plain ahhh and tension and it feels like things are exploding. We've had doctor appointments, VBS, getting ready for the fair, the bili blanket, something new will come out of the garden that needs to be cleaned or frozen, Brian was behind on some work...things here and there just add up. And then of course you throw in feedings every few hours. It feels like there is always something going on, something to be done but then you look back on the day and wonder just what got accomplished!

The kids for the most part have adjusted well to Charles. But let's face it, then do know they are getting a few extra jobs added on and there is a little less time for what they want to do. Myron and Henry are too interested in Charles sometimes, and of course at the same time so they have to argue about everything including who gets to sit where. There seems to be a lot more of that overall-just attitudes and "disagreements" about toys, chores, getting to do what they want. And with Brian gone sometimes all I can do is yell down the stairs. As you can imagine that is REAL helpful.

I was planning to start school next week, but I am not sure. I may just start Cybil so we can navigate a week of high school without having to do the younger kids' stuff too. It may take more than a week to figure out her rhythm, then we'll plug the others in. We are starting piano again, this time all 4 girls, so that is an afternoon away. We have a home school co-op that meets every other week so that is another afternoon, Joe has occupational therapy one day a week, so that will be another afternoon where I have to go somewhere. We're just not used to that. I can't imagine if they had after school activities most nights too...

It seems we are a family that just needs structure. Not that everyday at 10 am we do this or that, but the kids seem to do much better when we at least have a routine order. Breakfast, pickup, school until noon, lunch, finish school, etc. While they enjoy their free time, they do end up getting bored. There is only so much house and yard work that needs to be done, and with so many helpers it just doesn't take very long. It's been great for Cybil and Mariah to work with Brian some, but it is not quite part of the routine. So while it's good, it also seems to get us out of sorts. Someone asked Mariah if she was ready to start school yet and she said yes!

And yes, I am being hard on myself. Just like they say you "forget" much about labor and delivery after your baby is born, I think you forget the adjustment period afterwards too! It's hard to remember and compare though because after each kid you have different ages, different seasons and different jobs that it is hard to compare and keep expectations real.

pics soon

2011-08-04T19:07:00.002-05:00

We're working on getting a new rhythm, so pics will be coming soon. Kids 3-6 had VBS this week in the evenings so we were a little busy, plus two mornings of dr. appts. pretty much took the whole day up. Charles was at the top level of acceptable for bilirubin levels, so he had two days in this "bili blanket". Not really a blanket at all! But it worked and his numbers were down so things are good. I had a hard time getting him awake to eat and stay awake-who wants to wake up when you got this nice warm "blankie" around you all the time?? Now that he is off it he is eating much better, so that of course is good as he needs to start gaining weight now!

So, more pictures from the hospital and our "labor story" will be coming soon!

:-)

Don't forget to keep voting for Cybil and Mariah's room...

VOTE!!!

2011-08-02T15:11:00.002-05:00

Cybil & Mariah need to get their room updated! Vote at the link to the left here to help us win! Thanks!

(Apparently you can vote...a lot. Like once per hour. 'Cuz you really have nothing else to do, right???)

Charles Everett is here!!

2011-07-28T09:48:00.001-05:00

Here is a link the the hospital's baby nursery page with a few first photos of Charles!
More to come once we make it home later today, and then I am sure I will write up his "baby story" for you to enjoy :-)

2011-07-20T11:14:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had a few errands to do in town, despite the nasty heat and humidity. First on the list was a quick pickup at the post office. Well, it should have been a quick pickup. I saw a small package from a gal in Minnesota that I knew had just been in Zambia. I thought maybe she had taken a few pictures to send us. Instead I opened the package to letters from our sweet students in Zambia! What a blessing and thrill. I turned the car off (no A/C anyway) and sat in the heat and let the sweat and tears mingle as I read their letters of thanks, encouragement and blessings to our family. It was soooo wonderful. One of them sent a snap of himself, a few sent a greeting card that they had painted themselves. It was all so sweet.
We have occasionally sent them a family photo, some of the kids art work, some updates through friends going over for a visit. Last summer the kids used "work money" to buy each of the first 12 students a bible cover. They didn't make it that summer and so they were suppose to get them while in the States last fall. We never knew if they actually got them, so it was nice to hear that they did receive them and that they were using them to keep their Bibles looking "sharp".
I always get a kick out of their writing. For one, it is generally very beautiful-some of those guys have the most beautiful cursive writing I have ever seen. Everything is also very formal and proper-Queen's English you know. And everything is spelled very phonetically, even if pronounced wrong. Most of them have troubles with their "L"s, so instead of Kelly Jo, I was often Kerry Jo, and so they wrote it that way. But it's funny that they also got their "R"s then mixed up with the "L"s as Myron became Milon or something similar. Hayree was another great one, but now of them mixed up the "great king Henry." :) Such simple things, such sweet memories.
Such sincerity in their words. These weren't written just to be written. There were specific memories, words of thanksgiving, notes of encouragement, blessings on our family. I really miss these guys, and considering how little time I actually spent with them compared to the kids, I can't imagine how their hearts break too.
I know there were some people who couldn't figure out why in the world we would go down to Iowa to see the students last year, a year after we left, with the heartbreak we went through. It's simple-relationships. Relationship is very highly valued in the African cultures; friends and family are a premium. And those relationships continue on. These guys will graduate from the bible school in a year and a half and from there we will probably not have contact ever again. So until then, we keep the little embers of relationship with them-for us, for the kids, for the students. I wish we could be there when they graduate to help send them off, to see them one more time; it's sweet to know that some of them have prayed that too.

35 weeks, 3 days

2011-07-07T10:51:00.002-05:00

Here's a new profile pic of baby boy. We're coming up on the end of the course, but it is still just a wee-bit too early, so I am suppose to "stay off my feet" aka bed rest until 37 weeks. I have already started dilating and when I am up and about for a while, I do feel contractions. It's not too big of a deal, I've got plenty of helpers...but it is of course fairly boring and I know the girls want to go to the library, and there are a few things I want to do...so I am only doing so-so on staying off my feet :-) My labor history is that once it starts, things go quickly, so we really are going to try to do what we can to hold off for another week. We'll see what happens. We made it through the big wedding weekend (although traveling there probably played a small part!) so there is really nothing left on the calendar for the month of July. 37-38 weeks is usually when I deliver anyway, so by the end of July this little guy will be here!

That of course means we need to get going on a name. We are thinking, trying to stay in the same "genre" of the other boys' names, without picking one with a nick name we don't want, or is not from a movie or show that makes us think of funny stuff... We've basically used a part of each grandpas name, so it's a little harder to chose this time.

2011-07-05T13:25:00.002-05:00

Just a few random, in no-order-whatsoever photos from the big weekend...

The five flower girls

The three Jr. bridesmaids

the beginning of the trip began with a nap

Opening presents-our 7, brother's 4, and another half a dozen other kids. Can you say suffocation? And yes, this is pretty much what every Christmas is like too!

Joe and Myron kinda resting during the rehearsal

Myron was having fun dancing...and Kate was just trying to hang on!

After making it down the aisle in his own sweet time (didn't think he'd do it!), Henry decided to take a nap during the ceremony

Our shot at a family photo-most smiling, all looking at the camera-AMAZING!

Henry and Hailey were practicing their dancing

2011-06-17T10:32:00.001-05:00

Just a little update about some things…
Mariah is back from camp and had a great time. We lost her purse, but they found it at the camp, so all is well. She has a horrible time remembering that thing… She is now on her stint with no big sister to help with kid watching, house work, etc. I am finding she isn’t quite as helpful as Cybil was… She missed her dad-asked where he was when she came home and was disappointed that he wouldn’t be home for a whole other day! :) VERY sweet!
Cybil is now at camp, right in the middle of her two weeks-she won’t be back until next Saturday still! She forgot her bible for camp though-got everything else she needed, but left that on her bed. Hmmm. She was great during her week without Mariah, very helpful with NO complaining. Way to go!
I am working on getting haircuts for everyone. Just Cybil left for the girls, and Joe and Myron for the boys, but I can do those at home myself. I am considering getting some highlights next week too. We got all the kids’ suits and dresses for the big wedding, shoes, nail polish, some earrings…oh boy what a process! :-) Only two more weeks until the big day! I found a top that will have to work. I limited myself on what colors I could get it-with everyone wearing either black, white or lapis (a purple shade), I didn’t think I should wear anything too different; I am sure we’ll take some family pictures. Which I am not super excited about at all-I will be a very FULL 35+ weeks pregnant. I don’t do “cute” pregnant.
Next weekend is Brian’s 20 year class reunion, and yes we are going. I know a few of his friends from high school, so I am hoping it won’t be too bad for me. I am not the most social/strike up a conversation person, so it could be a long night!
Pregnancy-wise I am doing pretty good. I do get some TERRIBLE pains around my ribs. I got them with the other boys too. I am at the end of 32 weeks I think, so about 6 left to go! So far it hasn’t been too horrible of a summer to be pregnant.
Way back in April/beginning May I talked about the home school conference and some of the workshops I went to, and then needed to do some things about what I learned. Well, we started that. Two weeks ago we took J down to the Intl. adoption clinic at the U of M to start some evaluations. The good news: they don’t think it’s FASD or even much RAD (more on that later). Some of the words we are learning about are sensory processing/deprivation/integration, sensation/auditory filtering, and possible cognitive disability. We are just beginning, so don’t ask me what they all mean right now, waiting for my first book to read to arrive. We have a few occupation therapy exercises we are suppose to have him do. We will be seeing a development psychologist at some point soon, and then a neuropsychologist who will do the cognitive testing. It will take awhile as many of these departments have long waiting lists. But we are doing all this so we can better understand how J thinks and then be better able to parent him. I don’t want to expect too much out of him, but I also don’t want to underestimate him either.
We continue to do some school-math and spelling and reading mainly, takes up an hour or less a day but helps keep them just a little busy. J is catching up on reading, H, G & C on math.
Brian continues to work like crazy whenever the weather cooperates. It is so weird to go back and forth from him here all the time (go away!) to not so often (when are you coming home?!).

these cuties may just steal the show!

2011-06-09T13:22:00.002-05:00

no more sippy

2011-06-09T11:24:00.001-05:00

I'm finally taking the plunge and taking Henry's sippy cups away. Well, not the cup; just the lid. Isn't it funny how with each kid you get a little more and more lenient? I seem to remember for some reason the other kids being done with those cups by 2. Henry's almost 3! We'll see how this goes-he is very demanding and loud. The best few days we have also been in a regular battle about wearing shorts. He just seems to think he has to have pants. Pants when it is 90-some degrees just doesn't work!

Don't know if I mentioned this, but all 7 of the kids and Brian are in his brother's wedding at the beginning of July. The girls have their dresses, C & M needed theirs altered some. Just got the boys suits today to try on. They are pretty cute!

2011-06-02T08:56:00.002-05:00

It's been a long time since writing.
Nothing exciting is going on, so not much to say I guess. Life is just life, moving along. Kids are done with the main jist of school; they are just keeping up with math and spelling for now. Mariah is getting ready to go to camp for one week, Cybil for two after that.
Well, actually a whole boatload of crap is going on that I would love to write and VENT about, but I don't know if this is the place for that stuff. Not sure that some people would want to read about what really goes on here on an almost daily basis.I may need to start a whole other, possibly anonymous blog for that. Wow is all I can say about that stuff.

so what?

2011-05-21T09:06:00.002-05:00

I am writing this freely admitting that I have not read “Love Wins”. Heck, I still haven’t read “Crazy Love” and it took a good 6-7 months of owning “Radical” before I got around to finishing it. But, I do admit to reading the different fors and againsts for these books, listening and reading their interviews. So, yes I am writing this without being fully informed for myself. I guess I am a little against jumping on the bandwagon to read them. And in a way, I have no desire to read “Love Wins”, just don’t feel a need to. But the bigger reason is probably because if I were to read it, I would have to take time to study and research and look at Scripture to see what it says. And I just don’t feel up to that right now. In one sense, this whole discussion of heaven and hell has been good-for the believer. I guess I also question if it is a good discussion for those who have little to no Christian background though. If reading a book like “Love Wins” causes you to search the Scriptures, study and reaffirm what you believe, then great! It was a good read. If however, you have little to no background and read something like this and take it at face value and leave it at that, I think you have done yourself a disservice. And I can’t fault the author per se, because we are each responsible for ourselves; at the same time, there is a higher accountability for those who are in leadership. Maybe I have enough of my own questions; I don’t need someone else to add to them. I am all for questions, I just wonder to what end some of them are?

But here’s one of Bell’s contentions in paraphrased form-everyone can make it to heaven. I know that is probably a horrible paraphrase for those who have read it, sorry, but while there is other stuff in the book, the crux of the controversy seems to hinge on this point. He is basically saying it is possible, we don’t know because we haven’t seen a video of what heaven is like, etc. And his own thought process all began when he saw a note that said “Reality check-Gandhi is in hell.” It got him thinking, do we really know that for sure? Who says?

Okay-I have NO PROBLEM saying that God COULD save the entire world and everyone in it, past and present, IF HE WANTED TO. He is God, He CAN DO IT. I personally don’t see that that fits His character as presented in the Bible though. But even so, part of me says “so what?” So what if HE CAN do it, it doesn’t mean that He WILL do it, does it? Because if you go that way, you’re just becoming like *gasp* the other side that says He will condemn people to hell. My point maybe is, what does thinking this way do for you? How does thinking you are going to go to heaven no matter what, anyway, affect how you are living life on this earth? What’s the point of living for Jesus? Believing in Him? In God? I gotta tell you, living for Jesus has really felt sucky for me sometimes here on earth. There are times I would prefer to not deal with it. But as a friend on facebook said, “I don’t know who I am without Jesus.” I have to ask myself, “Is God, God?” And if I believe He is, then I had better live that way. In the review of another book, Bell himself says, “Christian faith only has meaning if it affects the ways that people live their lives.” I wonder how my life would be affected if I knew I was going to heaven no matter what? I don’t know that it would have any effect. In fact, I don’t know that my faith would mean anything-that my life would be any different from one without faith. Why have faith then? Maybe it goes back to that little saying that floats around: I would rather live my life believing that what I see in the Bible about the ONLY WAY to heaven being JESUS and die and find out I was wrong--then to live like I will get to heaven anyways, and then find out I am wrong.

Now Francis Chan is going to write a book with the thoughts from his study on hell. Here is a link to a video about it. I have watched it a few times. He also freely admits to not understanding all of what God does and how He works and gives a few examples. But he knows hell in not an issue we can be wrong about. He plans to present what he sees in the Scripture, lay it on the table, and let you-before God-decide what you believe-because he believes as I do-we can’t afford to be wrong about hell.

We’ll see what happens when that book comes out :-)

more photos

2011-05-16T13:50:00.008-05:00

Few months ago I brought the kids in for an "Antiquities" fundraiser. We used to do these more often. The boys did great. I think they are still at the stage where these types of pictures are still totally adorable. The girls pictures were good too, but I think as they are older now, it seems they need more "sophisticated" shoots, or more serious ones, I don't know. They are always cute, but I am not sure this type of photo works for them as well anymore. Regardless, their distinct personalities showed through!

Of course these types of photos are really expensive if you purchase the packages, so I wasn't planning to buy any extra and didn't have them take any of just the boys. But then I got there, and well, you moms out there know how it goes. They are just SOOOO cute you can't leave them there! I did get a pretty good deal for the amount of photos I got though.

2011-05-05T10:23:00.002-05:00

Can you believe it? This is Greta a few months ago. Her Stars group on Wednesday night had an afternoon of learning about taking care of yourself-skin care, hygiene, etc. Then they were "beautified" by some of the older girls and teachers. Can't hardly recognize her!

2011-04-28T20:12:00.005-05:00

Read this (the underline and different color means it's a link-click on it!) and thought maybe Brian had helped write it.

This kind of sums up where things are at right now:

I will likely be connected to some group for the purpose of fellowship but I am under no illusion. I realize that if I had to live on that as my primary source of spiritual nutrition I would probably die of heart failure at a young age.

What/where/how else are you being fed spiritually? (Hmm...does reading people's Bible verses on their facebook status count?) The bigger question--are you?

2011-04-22T15:26:00.004-05:00

Just thought I would let you all know that I had a GREAT time at the home school conference last week! I will say though, that I was thoroughly exhausted by Saturday morning, and about dead by that night. The convention center was quite spread out, so walking to the exhibit hall, to coat check to drop off books, to used book hall, to drop off more books, to upstairs and seminars, plus the 10 minute walk to the hotel (thankfully in a skyway!) was quite exhausting. My shins were killing me. Wearing tennis shoes would have been a great idea I know, but of course I didn't.

And Brian and the kids did survive. It's too bad we had such gloomy weather though-in the house all weekend. The vehicles didn't get cleaned :-) ! No super big issues until around the time I hit St. Cloud on Saturday night. They were all pretty tired and crabby for a few days, but I think we are all back into the groove.

Thursday was the high school workshops. They were fine; I think I am getting to the point where I have all the information I can, now I just need to do it. There are still choices about what class, when, and where--but I just need to get started and do it.
That night we hit the mall for a few things and then ate at the Texas Roadhouse. Oh my, we were stuffed!

Friday morning I worked at pre-registration. That was fun; seeing people I hadn't in quite awhile, seeing who came that I knew from this area. I did some shopping at used books and most of my non-main curriculum shopping and got a lay of the exhibit hall land. One full-size suitcase of books filled.
At 3 pm I went to the first of the 2 seminars I was looking forward to. It was for adoptive and foster parents, parents of kids with FASD, ADHD, RAD, learning disabilities. I enjoyed it. The speaker jumped around a bit (he admitted his own ADD), but I came away with some things to think and do.
When that was done, it was back to a little more shopping and checking out new things.

Friday evening was the keynote speaker, Dr. Larry Gutherie. One of my dear friends was his interpreter from a Russia trip 20 years ago. He told the story of a fire that took place before he went on that trip and then talked about the Russia trip itself. Well, I am telling my friend we HAVE to go say hi-he needs an ending to the story! We got down there and have a little visit. Now the cool thing is-he remembers her! Saturday morning he again spoke and shared with the whole convention how emotional the night before was for him...a woman who looked familiar came down to say Hi and said I am H from Russia. (at this point I am bawling just like the night before!). He shared how she interpreted for him on this trip, presenting the gospel over and over again and she wasn't a believer at the time. Well, here it is 20 years later, she has 6 kids, home schools and loves the Lord. Isn't God great?!

Saturday morning I finished my shopping for my main curriculum, loaded up at the used book fair and took extra time to stroll through the exhibit hall. I talked to the Northwestern college guy about PSEO and stopped at a few other places. Ate my lunch and went to a seminar on correction (of children's behavior). By this time I was exhausted and slept through a few parts ;-). After this I went back up the stairs to the seminar I was looking forward to called "How long does God expect me to do this?" Again, I enjoyed it and came away with lots to think about-some actions I need to take. I have spent a few days this week working on those things, and well-that will be another post for another day.

Some of the curriculum wasn't available directly at the convention as they had already run out (which was probably good in the long run-I don't know if I could have carried anymore!). Well, it came last night! And the geek that I am I have been looking through it, planning how to do lessons, and getting excited to start! I have a hard time believing we'll (okay, I'll) be able to wait until August to start it all! Baby #8 may help, but I just get excited for the new stuff! We'll do a few things in the summer-I'd like all the kids to be a little further in math and Cybil will do one of her elective courses, maybe some other "fun stuff". School is just such a part of our daily routine and life, that it is actually more disruptive to stop. Sure, we scale back, but we need to do a little just to bide some time.

The rest of the curriculum will be here by the middle of next week-can't wait to see the rest of it!

prayers appreciated!

2011-04-15T10:37:00.000-05:00

I am writing this Wednesday afternoon in the hour or so before I head up to the Minnesota Association of Christian Home Educators annual convention. It is up in Duluth this year.
What a day today has been. I have not even left and already the acting out and regression of behaviors has begun. I expect it, I know it's coming, and I know why. But that doesn't make me understand it, or even deal with it any better.
Please keep Brian in your prayers today and tomorrow. He's gonna need it! :-)

One of the speakers is focusing on FAS, attachment and adoption issues among other things so I am really looking forward to those workshops. And of course there is just quiet time, do what I want time, and shopping time!
I also know that when I get back there will again be more, maybe even extra, behaviors as we establish relationship again. You know, sometimes I wish I were a little braver in writing about adopting kids from a hard place. Maybe it would be help me. I don't know. Unfortunately it hasn't really brought out the best in me. I learn things about myself all the time that I am SO. NOT. PROUD of. Big, big kuddos go out to you trauma mommas who write about your struggles and give the rest of us hope!

totally bored today with NOTHING to do...and it's only 10 am :(

2011-04-13T14:23:00.002-05:00

Yup, I said that on facebook last Saturday.

So in response to a few comments, I will write about what our day/week looks like to see if you believe me!

First, a few reminders:
--I had girls first-which are 14, 12.5, 9.5, and 8 yr old girl.
--I have a super helpful, want praise all the time 7 yr boy

Dishes-C & M take turns washing any dishes that need hand washing. G & H handle unloading. We all (well, except dad!) pretty much put our own dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Clothes-J is an EXPERT clothes folder, that is his main job. C & M take turns sorting and starting new loads and I will do some too. I will usually do a load whenever it looks like there is enough, which is often. Maybe one load a day, or two to three every other day.

Vacuuming-with the dog, I have this thing about doing it myself, usually. But sometimes C & M will do the basement or parts of the upstairs. Knowing it is done every week at least once, I don’t mind letting them do it some-just not twice in a row.

Sweeping-Again, I gotta do this. I do have them sweep every once in a while. But let’s face it, it is a quick sweep at best. They at least get the big stuff I guess.

Picking up-okay, we do do this one a lot. When the toy room was a completely separate place with doors that shut, I could say once a week; but I can’t do it when I walk through it all the time. We pick up after breakfast (again, this is one of J’s areas of excellence) and then before supper. Sometimes before dinner if it is a really BIG mess. We almost always pick up before we go anywhere-church, shopping, whatever. Picking up is mainly J, Ha & G right now. We are still working on My being much of a help. Little He can sometimes be a help. C & M only have to jump in when it is really bad.
All of the kids have to make sure their own rooms are cleaned up after breakfast and before school starts. Once a week they also go through all of their drawers and shelves to straighten them up. (again, if we miss one week, we just be sure to do it the next) On the list there room is listed-they go through that room including dusting and mirrors, etc. whatever needs to be done.

Okay, let’s try to begin.

I wake up at 7 am.
I get the kids up at 8 am. Then eat breakfast (cereal) and then go about working on getting their rooms done.
We have a list for every day of the week as to what work must be done that day. I prefer that we have these done right away in the morning too. Sometimes that works, others it doesn’t-depends on how draggy they are in the morning. So we do this cleaning and picking up until about 9 am (or shortly after if we are almost done). I will put the daily list below. Some days we just can’t get to anything-no big deal, we tackle it the next day. Some jobs are on the list twice a week, like the bathrooms, so if we miss it we can do it later in the week. Or sometimes I do that with other big jobs-I don’t wash my kitchen floor every week. But I know if I don’t do it one week, it’s on the schedule for the next.

From 9 am to noon or so we tackle school.

Noonish we eat and then have “free time” until 1 or 1:30 when it is back to school for anything not finished. If the house work isn’t done, we will finish that first, then on to school.

Then the rest of the day is theirs. On some days the big girls really drag things out so will be working until 3 or 4. But if they would just hit it hard, they would easily be done by noon or shortly after (okay, for now anyway. Starting high school next year-that will be different!)

We eat around 5:30-6 and the kids head to bed at 9 pm.

We don’t leave the house much during the week. A co-op for the kids one day, church on Sunday and Wednesday nights, another class activity. So here’s a secret for laundry: if we have nowhere to go, we stay in our pajamas, especially in the winter. When the kids were younger and not in anything we’d get in jammies on Sunday night and not change until Wednesday AM when we went out. Really, we did. Ugh-true confessions. Sure, sometimes I wish the kids were in more activities, others I just don’t. Like when I hear friends say "we’ve been gone every night for 8 days" or "I hate this day because all we do is run."

Here is the daily work list:
Monday—upstairs bathroom, boys room, laundry room, sweep
Tuesday—change garbage bags, vacuum upstairs, office, mom & dad’s room, sweep
Wednesday—downstairs bathroom, girls’ rooms, sweep
Thursday—upstairs bathroom, vacuum downstairs, downstairs living room, sweep
Friday—downstairs bathroom, upstairs living room, garage, sweep
Saturday—clean up van, wash kitchen floor, clean up outside (including dog poop!)

So that’s about it. Those are my secrets.

Meal planning is a whole other thing. I used to do it-still have my charts. Maybe I will have to get back into doing that. Hmm, we’ll see. Gotta teach the girls how to make more than hamburger helper someday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CYBIL JO!!!!!

2011-04-06T18:07:00.002-05:00

Hard to believe but our big girl is already 14! A high-schooler in my house!
We were sooooo young when she was born. April 6th and there was a snow storm that day. I believe it was about noon exactly. I was 20 and I distinctly remember throwing up all the juice I had drank that morning and the nurse telling me to be quiet. Oh my, what a day.
Cybil is such a SUPER. DUPER. BIG. HELP around the house for me, working with Dad, and doing whatever.

WE LOVE YOU CYBIL!!!!!!!!!

ouch!

2011-04-02T10:41:00.003-06:00

Having a VERY LAZY day today so I went through my schedules and shopping lists for the homeschool convention I am going to in a week and a half.

There is a speaker there who will cover parenting kids from the "hard places"-fetal alcohol syndrome, attachment disorders, foster care, etc. that I plan to listen to a few times. I will also be going up a day early to hear Home School Legal Defense Association's "Homechooling through High School" workshop on Thursday. I am not as worried about high school anymore, but as much extra info I can get, the better. There are just SO. MANY. CHOICES!!!

Friday morning I will be working the registration table. By doing that I get into the conference free. And anything free is GREAT! I totaled up my shopping list of needs, and OUCH!!! Cybil is now hitting high school so we need all new curriculum for her, and there are electives she will be taking of course. The other kids are starting the cycle of curriculum we already have over again, but there are some upgrades needed. We saved over $250 by finding a friend to borrow the Biology lab microscope and slides from thankfully! There is also Spanish, which will be another big killer. I am very grateful that most of our curriculum is non-consumable so we can just start the next kid on each one. The next 4 years will be more expensive obviously as we have to purchase high school material. With tax, I am probably looking at $1350 in curriculum! Ouch! (And that isn't the hotel room or food for the weekend either!)

Looking at that big number, sure there is a part of me that says send'em to school-you're paying for that anyway too! But as crazy as things can get around here every great once in a while, I enjoy learning with them and having all the kids around. The two oldest girls are gone this weekend for a conference and all the other kids are missing them (and my workload is bigger too :-) ! ) I actually can't imagine them NOT being here anymore. I really don't think any of them even think about public school anymore, and they have never even asked to go. It's more of a threat-if you don't fix the attitude, keep up your work, etc, etc...I'll send you to public school where you have to just sit all day... (it's a joke-no comments on that please!)

And yes, there is another part of me that is a little sad that they aren't involved in sports or music programs like I was. They've never really asked to be, I suppose because they just don't think about that either. We are hoping to get back into piano lessons next year (for the four girls) too. It's a toss-up it some times seems-I so don't miss out on driving kids around in four different directions or more on any given night or weekend. But yes, there are great things about the activities too. This is the choice we've made for our family though, and we are just gonna do the best we can with what we've got.

OH BOY!!!

2011-03-24T10:20:00.004-06:00

Looks like Team Kallevig is gonna be evened out! Baby #8 is gonna be a boy. All boy-you could tell right away! :-)
This isn't a really great picture as he was super active the whole time. It was kind of neat to see him throw a fist or foot and then be able to feel it!
Daddy has to get work on names now. He gets the honor of naming the boys, while I get the girls. Guess I will have to keep saving that girl name I have...

2011-03-21T08:11:00.002-06:00

Posting a link to a blog. Though it was written to grandparents, I think it is a good read to all friends and family of kids who are adopted or in foster care. Not all of them have severe RAD, but due to their past traumas and moves and who knows what else, there are factors and issues that mom and dad have to deal with that you won't know about. And they don't necessarily need your good intentions-of helpful advice or spoiling their kids; it's often scary enough to seek out someone who you think will just be a listening ear. We love all our kids; but yes, we do need to treat some of them differently.

2011-03-11T10:24:00.000-06:00

The question was, “what did you do here and what is your take on coming back?” Hmm.

(now before anyone (moms) gets their nightie in a knot, we’re not talking about doing anything, so relax. Really. This is all part of our processing)

We’ve been back in the States for about a year and a half now. We’re back where we started from in many ways. How does that feel? I don’t know, whatever I guess, just different. People are different, relationships are different, life is…it is what it is and we live in it now.
As soon as we got back to the States I was already looking to go back, with who, how, etc. We found some great fits-just weren’t led down those roads. Why would we even want to go back? I don’t know-loved the lifestyle, loved the people, loved seeing God have to work in ways bigger than us. It was stressful, but exciting and enjoyable too. I suppose I didn’t realize how badly hurt Brian was at the time because he hid it fairly well when he needed to and I was focusing on me and the kids too. At some point, maybe 4-5 months back, it became important for me to know if we would ever do it again. Not because we had some big opportunity, but just because I needed to feel we were open to God doing whatever He wanted with us again. I really felt like I was in that place, but I found out Brian wasn’t there yet. And that’s okay. But yes, it is very hard when you and your spouse are at different places, especially in areas of faith and consequently for us, areas of hurts.
I guess at some point, I just accepted that we never would go out quite so far on a limb again in that way. At least not in this decade, or maybe a few more to come. And it saddened me, but it was where we were/are as a family.
And then this question came. What does it mean? Why now, again? No idea, but of course I let my imagination go for a bit. What if? I love working through the logistics in my mind of it, I just enjoy that. But really, I don’t think that is the main reason why I would still jump on the next plane. Because before that could happen anyway, there is that dreaded period of time where you put yourself out there for others to judge you, reject you, or accept you and what God’s call is for you at this time. And in no way, shape or form would I choose to go through that again for myself, by my own choice just ‘cuz I wanted to. I would have to KNOW it was God calling. I think what I think about-get excited about-more than anything is the prospect of seeing God do something REALLY. BIG. again. I want to see God show up in all the ways He did before. I want to feel used by God again. I know, I know-He uses me every day in my family and that is an important ministry too. I suppose maybe I am not content in seeing God in the little day to day stuff anymore and I know I should be. Maybe there was pride before, “look at all God is doing for/with/through us.” Or maybe that is the lie of the enemy too. I don’t know. I feel I am having a hard time being content with life here, because things are so different than before we left, and then they are so different from being over there. Life just seems to be in and out, the mundane. I guess maybe I just haven’t been able to see what “now” is for the way I have in the past. Makes me wish all the more for Jesus to come back and set up His kingdom on earth!

So what is the answer to the question? Maybe it’s not about going back at all, maybe it is, I have no idea. Maybe it’s just about what the answer could be- the asking again to evaluate where we are now that we are a little further removed than the last time.

2011-03-09T09:30:00.001-06:00

It seems we are continuously reminded that we have changed a lot, and not just Kelly and I but the kids also.
We understand that most people do not understand where we have come from and what we have been through and how that affects the lens that we view life through. It is not that it is good or bad-it is just different. But it can be hard for people to accept and understand. Things that are a big deal for many just are not for us anymore and vice-a-versa. The way we talk about things, the way we think about things, the way things come out…it can just be different. For Kel and I we get it- but for the older kids it can be kind of confusing, because they like us are now using a different lens. And as 12-14 yr olds I am not sure that they understand that just as sometimes they can’t see and understand things through other people’s lenses, those other people don’t necessarily understand that they (our kids) can’t be looked at and understood by their own lenses either. You know the saying, “kids say the darnedest things…” well, our kids filters are just different. The kids have seen so much and dealt with so much more than most kids here just ever have to (especially at their age). It is not that it is good or bad or that we want it to be an excuse, but it is an explanation. I am sad at times that the kids have had to go through so much so young but at the same time I am not. PARADOX. I think most people conveniently forget that there are many different lenses to look at life through. And I think that is good (different lenses). Because God put us in places to develop that lens and He uses us all. Where I can be effective because of my lens, you may not be.
An example: there were a number of small children that Mariah took care of and a couple of weeks ago we got word that one of them (Peoples) drowned after church on a Sunday morning. Mariah took it very hard, she loved Peoples. Every Sunday Mariah had Peoples on one side and his little sister Memory on the other side and she had her arms around both. Mariah has a gift with children and it is from God. She took Peoples’ death very hard. She has been thinking about death lately (I am sure a lot more than most kids her age). She has been questioning God and WHY this happened because it does not make sense. And you know what? It doesn’t, and for a 12yr old, it really is hard. I commend her, she gets that life sucks sometimes but you have to go on. She gets that sometimes it feels like you can’t do anything about what is going around you (I do too sometimes!). But it does not mean you cannot question God or get to be angry with Him or that sometimes what you’re thinking comes out in ways that don’t make sense. She understands that God can take it. That is one thing that we have tried to teach them but I think we have modeled for them more. The farther I get away from our time in Africa the more I realize that we will never get away from it, it is a part of us. It has changed us in more ways than we realize; some for the better, so I am not sure about yet. But it is who we are now, like it or not. Our eyes have been open to areas/things that at times I wish they would not have been (because it would be easier if they would still be close). But they have been opened and we cannot go back even if we wanted to, even though we try at times. I wonder how God is going to use this/us now, where we are, especially when it just feels like we have come back full circle and for what?

2011-03-06T18:57:00.000-06:00

So it’s obvious that things we’ve written and posted aren’t always on the most “uplifting” end. Instead we often write the struggles, questions, doubts, confessions, heartache…the realities of life, some the results of what we could call a “devastation with God.” (One that of course we figured we be waaayyy over a long time ago.)
Everything we do is supposed to, in the long run, bring glory to God. Are we doing that anymore? I guess did we ever has to be answered first! I think we brought glory to God through our honesty about struggles and hardships and steadfast faith in Him when He was doing things that we (and you) knew could only be happening because of His hand. I can read back in the last four years and see that. But are we still doing it? It seems there is more “nothingness of life” than their used to be for us. Have I lost my faith in God? No. Do I still trust that ultimately He is in control and knows what He is doing? Yes. Have I liked it very much? Not always. Am I supposed to all the time? No, I don’t think so-at least not right in the moment. It seems when you are stuck in something, all you see is the wall around you-hopefully you aren’t seeing more mud falling in. You are just hoping to stay where you are without slipping any further. And you know the way out, but it’s a little harder to (want to) reach up your hand for the help this time around.
We are still walking out our faith; we’re still called to obey. I think it is just feels harder right now. I personally am not very good at pretending-don’t like it, takes too much energy. So I can’t put on a happy face and tell you “we’re doing great” and things are going wonderful when they aren’t. Things are just “fine.” Every decision to do- well, anything-can and often does seem a struggle for various reasons; it’s like there are so many more sides that I see to everything now. Some good, some bad, some just are.

2011-03-03T08:55:00.002-06:00

I am reposting this from Rob's blog. I am doing a little editing to highlight a few of the points I want to consider. If you want to read the whole unedited thing, go here.

This letter was emailed to a pastor friend of mine. He was given permission to share it and it so resonated with my spirit and what my soul feels, I asked for permission and was also given permission to publish it. I hope it impacts you too………
I was thinking about today’s message a lot, and wanted to share a story with you.
A few years back I was doing special music in a church in Indiana. The night before the church, and our family, had attended a very good concert. That night, as I lay in bed trying to relax and settle down, all my misgivings kept rearing their ugly heads. The concert we’d been to was soooo good, and there was no way I could compete. I was sure I’d look like a totally untalented novice. I wanted to cancel! But as I lay there arguing with God, He said something that’s stuck with me ever since. He reminded me that His purposes may or may not be the same as mine. What was my purpose? Well, to glorify Him, of course. Naturally, I wanted to do that with excellence and come out looking like a shining star in the process. Oh, wait … did I just say that? HA! He told me that night that I don’t need to worry about results, I just need to be obedient. He’ll fulfill His will, which may not look at all like mine, but it will be GOOD. (whether I see it or not) Maybe, just maybe, the only reason I was there was to completely mess up … and maybe through that, someone else would see and have HOPE that they could be imperfect, too, and still serve Him.
This lesson has served me well through the years. How FREEING to no longer worry about the results of our obedience! Who cares if the ministry “fails”? Who cares if we fall flat on our face? If we’re called to do it, that’s all we need to attend to! We can’t see the big picture …we have no idea what He could be doing through our supposed “mess ups”.

Someone once said to Brian, "God won't take us this far to let us fail." Really? Fail (mess up) in whose eyes? The world's or God's? There are plenty of times were we have seen (the world say that) people "mess up" and the result--the ALL of the good things that God works out is even more glory for God.
As you can imagine, this hits us in a way that maybe you can't understand; or maybe everyone I can, I don't know. What if...

A few years after this, the position as worship leader at Grace opened up. Honestly, I had NO experience. I’d never played an instrument. I’d sung some, rather poorly. Yet I felt called to submit a resume. I obliged, completely certain that God’s purpose was something OTHER than to put me in that position. On our music director’s last day, she showed me a D chord on the keyboard. Now keep in mind, I’d never played keyboard. I couldn’t even read bass clef! (still can’t, actually) Two weeks later I started leading services, on keyboard. About another month in, and I was officially offered the position, which I held for almost 6 years and from which was blessed immensly. And listen — I honestly had NO thought of actually getting this job … I only submitted that resume in obedience, thinking that maybe God wanted me to update it for some other reason. I obeyed, He worked, there was a need, He equipped me to respond. If I hadn’t been willing to obey in faith, imagine all I’d have missed out on? I know He would have found another … but I’m so glad I was given the opportunity!
The point is, when we learn to surrender our own purposes and simply obey, who knows the amazing good He might bring out of our lives?
I Peter 1:18-19 (one of my FAVORITE verses) says, “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.”
I don’t want an empty life, I want a meaningful one.

And if we are truthful, it is really hard to get back to this point.

It is my prayer that this letter also did something inside of you! There are suffering people right now that are waiting right now for you. What’s your answer?

Honestly, I don't know. It feels a lot harder to say this time.

2011-02-27T20:55:00.001-06:00

I just read BLINK by Ted Dekker yesterday, whose books I thoroughly enjoy. Great, fast paced, can’t stop reading story. What was so interesting to me in this story was that a question I have often thought/wondered about was basically the spiritual theme running behind the story. I will butcher it, but this is the jest of it:
--There are 1000 things I could say; and for each one of those, you could have 1000 responses, each. That’s 1,000,000 possible futures at any given second. And every decision of each second brings on the next myriad of choices. So Seth, the character of the book, deduces that because of all the possibilities there could be, there cannot be an all-knowing God who knows the future.

My question has been a little different:
--If God knows what I am going to chose and already has plans made for it, how does prayer affect anything? Won’t I make the choice regardless of praying or not? And God knows if I will pray about it or not anyway, so He’s already made plans for that. (And on and on I could go spinning webs)

In the book, Dekker looks to something that C.S. Lewis wrote about (I guess) in THE GREAT DIVORCE. His summary of it as Seth is explaining it to another character:
“Time. Time and the natures of God. God had to have created time. By definition that would put him outside time. So the future, which is an element of time, doesn’t work for him like it does for us. That nature of him that is with us in time doesn’t necessarily know the future. But that nature of him that is in the future, so to speak, knows it as a matter of history. He’s already been there.”
…(lots of back and forth)
“I know a few things. I know that everything we do changes the future. I know that God changed my future in the desert. As I can see, the only reality that can accommodate both of those is at least similar to the one I’m suggesting. Do you realize the implications of this, Clive?”

“Tell me.”

“Prayer may just be the most powerful tool mankind has.”

So, anyone out there read THE GREAT DIVORCE or have any thoughts on this (Professor H?)?

In the book Seth was given the ability to see things that would happen before they did and could they chose the path he needed to follow to be safe. He slowly began to lose his gift. Then the question became, could he believe that God would still changed the future when he prayed even when Seth could no longer see the results of his prayers or choices?

RELIEF

2011-02-25T15:37:00.002-06:00

I went ahead and did it. And boy I am relieved.

Last week from Thursday night to about Monday I was feeling "things". What kind of things, I don't know. I suppose round ligament pain, growing pains, maybe Braxton Hicks, lots of indigestion...just things. Nothing severe, I knew it wasn't contractions. And so as I tried to think these all mean good things.
Now I am around 16 weeks pregnant, but due to my tilted uterus, I won't feel movement until somewhere between 18 and 20 weeks. So I knew they weren't baby movements, which really would have gone a long way in assuring me!
But truthfully I was very nervous. Not two weeks before had I heard the baby's heartbeat; but well, that was two weeks ago. Let me just say how annoyed I am that I still get all fearful so easily. Really, I mean it's not like this isn't my 10th pregnancy or anything (6 live births, just so no one is confused). But every one really is different. And since I just proved to myself that I can't remember part of a conversation from 15 minutes earlier, why in the world would I think that I could remember how I usually feel during pregnancy?!

In traveling around the baby world online trying to figure out what I was feeling, I saw someone make mention renting a fetal doppler. I didn't think much of it again until later that night as I looked around some more. So I found www.babybeat.com. They rent dopplers monthly or on three and six month plans and even sell them. Brian told me that if it was what I needed right now to have some peace to go ahead and do it. I got this one and began waiting not so patiently for it to arrive. I rented it just for a few months, figuring once the baby was active I wouldn't need it.
Arrive it finally did. I listened to the instructions and read the manual. Locked myself in the bedroom and very nervously gave it a try.
You can not imagine the.relief.I.felt. as that heartbeat rang out loud, clear, and strong.

I have no idea how many times I will use it in the next few months, but just knowing I can whenever I need to, for me, is priceless right now. I'll probably end up using it more than I think because the kids enjoy it too.

For Sale Items

2011-02-24T16:47:00.002-06:00

Here are a few items we have for sale and their links to information on Craigslist.

Desk- No pic

joy

2011-02-20T09:42:00.000-06:00

So what brings me joy? Honestly, I don’t know anymore. I am such a melancholy person as it is; I just don’t get really excited about anything. Did you have a good time at coffee? Yeah, it was fine. Did you have fun at the retreat? Yeah, I guess so. Really, I just don’t seem to feel one way or the other about a lot of the things. (Brian says I have always been like this, since we started dating.) Maybe it is because I don’t take the time to think about (whatever I did) because that would take reflecting and well, thinking. In the moment I am probably enjoying it, but when I think about it later, I just don’t seem to feel one way or another. I wonder if it is partly because I just rarely seem to do anything-except live life in the daily, so I view everything through the daily. Are there enough good things happening, and some bad things that have to be dealt with that there isn’t time for the great things? I doubt many would believe me or understand this, but by 2-3 pm at the latest, I am done with my day-school, housework, etc, -I somewhat shut down. There are plenty of things I could do, maybe should, but by that time, I have done all the dailys, so it feels like the day is done. I really don’t even like to leave the house that much in the evening. If I have things to do, I prefer to do them right away in the morning and just be home for the rest of the day. I get up an hour earlier than the kids to have alone time before the noise of the day begins, then it’s right on to breakfast, school and lunch. And if we don’t have school done by lunch, it’s a battle to get everyone back to work afterwards. (I cannot imagine my kids at a public school-they would have such a hard time sitting for that long of a day!)
Anyway. I suppose I should think about it some. I suppose I should first try to get what “joy” is. Because I know it isn’t just a happy feeling. Do I like to read? Yes. Does that give me joy? I don’t know. I love to talk to Brian about just about anything. Is that joy? I’ll enjoy playing a few songs on the piano or singing some songs, is that joy?
What gives you joy and how do you know it brings you joy?

15 years

2011-02-17T07:37:00.000-06:00

Wow. 15 years. Only 15 years or already 15 years? :-) I think back to some of the funny things that weekend and how much we didn’t know or think about. We got married in my home church but I didn’t even know the pastor who married us and he really didn’t know much about how the church worked-the sound was awful. I remember going to get Brian fitted for his tux and they asked me if I had my dress altered-well, the thought never occurred to me. The dress fit, wasn’t that all that mattered? Yes, I was the first wedding in the family and I was only 19 at the time, so what did I know?! I always had to wear my watch, so they practically had to pry it off my wrist that day. The people in our wedding were an interesting mix. A lot of Brian’s lifelong friends, and a lot of “period in time” friends for me. Probably the best comment from our video-“Someone forgot to tell them this was a RE-ception” (we were late for the reception, I am sure you can feel in the blank as to what he was thinking of! But we were running around dropping some things off. Really. We were. I promise!)
Well, needless to say we got’ter done and had our 2 days off from milking cows in the big hubbub of Fargo, ND and it was back to life. We lived with Brian’s parents for six months after the wedding before we got our own apartment. I tell you, marrying a dairy farm is not an easy business! The weekend we moved in I took that first pregnancy test and baby #1 was on its way. Three years later we moved into our first home with two little girls.
And then there was life--milking cows, buying and selling cows, moving my parents closer to the grandkids, more babies, homeschooling, life changes, faith changes, adoption, Zambia, relationship changes. Lots of life in 15 years. Some really great, some really, really hard. But we’ve made it so far-together, and only because we are together. I can’t imagine life without this man of mine. Sometimes we joke that if I die, Brian will be married before I am cold in the ground because he can’t live without me. I honestly don’t think I could ever find someone who is all that he is for me and all that I need. I just don’t think it’s possible, so I can’t imagine doing life with someone else. No one could ever replace all that he is for and to me-husband, father (to this crazy klan-that says a lot!) friend, lover, mentor, pray-er, teacher. I cry at the possible thought of ever losing him.
I LOVE YOU BRIAN DALE!

(I am loving looking at the photos-oh the hairstyles, oh how young we were, oh the fashion! If I had time and energy I would post all of them, some are just.so.hilarious!!)

happy (way late) birthday joe

2011-02-12T19:17:00.009-06:00

Yes, this is a couple weeks late. We didn't forget; we did the cake, ice cream, presents and all that. But we were staying at the farm that week and I didn't have any up-to-date photos to post. And every time I have thought about doing this, I wasn't at home or was in the middle of things.
So, here's a late birthday photo of Joe (his b-day is January 26th). He's been with our family for a little over five years now. Sometimes it's wow-five years already! other times it's-what? only five years? We weren't sure what God was doing when He called us to adopt, and it's been quite a ride-the process of getting ready to adopt, then choosing Joe and getting him here, and now the continued family adjustments. I sometimes often times wonder if God thinks more of me than He should!
But he is here with us now, and try as I might I can't imagine what it would be like without him and the journey that he brought about in our lives.

2011-02-08T17:58:00.001-06:00

For most of us, being pregnant is one of the most wonderful things in the world! I LOVE being pregnant, feeling the little life in me. Then the joy of nursing the child and snuggling and marveling at the gift we’ve been given.

One of the worst times to be pregnant though, is after a miscarriage. There is just so. much. fear. Every stomach twinge, anything that feels like bodily fluid leaking out (sorry), every pain. What is it? What does it mean? Is it gas, is it nerves, am I having another miscarriage? How many times a day can you go to the bathroom to check things out?
The fear can be consuming. On one hand you just want to know something definite, so a miscarriage would almost feel a relief-to stop the worrying. Because there is no definite that everything will be okay. You of course don’t ultimately want that, but on that other hand you don’t want to trust that all is well, because you think that as soon as you believe everything will be okay, then it will happen and you don’t know if you can handle it. Better to keep your nerves of steel up.
I’ve had three miscarriages. The first due to an illness I had, the second and third unknown causes. There is a desire to know why? Just so that you know what to look for, what kind of markers to get yourself past. But there is no knowing. I don’t doubt I can get pregnant-but how do I make sure I can stay pregnant this time? What did I do different last time? Does anything feel different? Questions, questions, that I can’t answer.

After the first two miscarriages, I went on to deliver two more beautiful boys. I am praying that will happen again this time (although a girl would be fine too!).

That was written a week or so after I found out I was pregnant. About a week or so later I really had a hard day. I asked a few people to pray about it. It was very hard to choose to trust that things were going to be okay. But I am glad I did (or at least trusted a little more). There are still questioning days though. I went from worrying all the time to realizing I hadn’t even thought about the baby for awhile so was I still pregnant? Do I look pregnant yet? Am I gaining weight, is it starting to show at all? The mind (and the devil!) will play tricks on you.

And now 14 weeks into it, I feel a little relief. Neither of us has really been able to get excited about this pregnancy yet. I think with everything else over the last few years and the last miscarriage...we just don’t want to get excited-about anything really. We hadn’t even told the kids yet. They were so hurt and sad last time, we didn’t want to see that again. I made Brian go with me to my check up so he would be there, just in case…I was so anxious about it. Now that we’ve heard the heartbeat, hit the mark past the last miscarriage…will we be able to enjoy it now? I really hope so. As always, we’d really appreciate your prayers!

And to all our friends and family-yup, this really is how we are telling everybody this time around-gotta love social media! It’s just easier this way-the word gets around faster, we don’t have to worry about missing someone, no awkward moments when/if you aren’t sure what to say-and we don’t have to be asked if we are Catholic or if we know how these things happen…

2011-02-05T16:26:00.000-06:00

I am in the middle of a bible study, “Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed.” Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore and Kay Arthur each present two of the six weeks of study. It’s going fine, nothing spectacular I guess; but with the way things have been feeling, God would probably have to audibly speak for me to feel anything is spectacular lately. Anyway, at the end of session three, B. M. talked about getting over your “devastation with God.” I obviously perked my ears up and listened and waited and had my pen ready for her to tell me how to do that, how to really, fully, completely do that. Well, she didn’t. So I figured we’d cover it in the homework you know, the 1-2-3 of how to do that. Guess what, it wasn’t in there either. I was sorta bummed.
See the thing is, you just kind of have to do it. Or you can be stuck. For days, weeks, years. I guess you have to pull up the boot straps, make the choice and do it. If it were only that simple.
Here’s her context-2 Samuel 6 where newly King David is dancing and celebrating while bringing the Ark of the Covenant back from the Philistines. Uzzah steadies it with his hand when the cart is bumped and is killed instantly-party dies then and there as well of course. David is angry at God, and then a few verses later he is afraid of God. I would venture not just afraid of the power and holiness of God that he saw, but probably also afraid to ever do anything again that seems like a God idea. I think he was probably wondering how he would ever know what God really wanted for him and what was just him. How could he really know? And then, even if God asked him to do something, how could it be sure it would turn out okay?
B.M. then goes on to say we have to accept the challenge of working through it with God, and we do. I just wish she didn’t move on so quickly to 1 Chronicles 16:34 where David praised God, not long after Uzzah’s death. She says, “He found his heart, healed and restored, at home again with God…” Yes, he did. But I really wish we could see more of that process.
1 Chronicles 15:13 tells us what happened that first time, “because you (the Levites) did not carry it at the first, the LORD our God made an outburst on us, for we did not seek Him according to the ordinance.” It seems David found out/got to see/figured out why the “devastation” happened. How much harder it is when you can’t see the full picture of the why. Bits and pieces are helpful and all, but the big why still is out there. The words, the verses people give you to encourage you-there are all valid-intellectually they made sense; but when it is the heart that is hurt, how do you make that knowledge not just understood, but felt? And it is and has to be a personal choice to “get over it.” You can’t choose it for someone else.

2011-01-31T19:24:00.001-06:00

(another one from a little while back)

I fear getting back into the Word, prayer time, study time, etc….why? Because I fear what my Father may show me and ask of me. I look for anything and everything to take up my time…some good, some not. There is a battle taking place between my two selves. One wanting to go back and be with my Father, to serve Him, to worship Him. The other is grabbing my other self and saying, “Don’t you remember what happened last time? The pain and hurt you felt, what you put your wife and children through...” And it screams at me “Don’t you remember?!” And I do and I walk away and sit with myself. I remind myself of what happened and how I got there. How I followed God, did whatever He asked of me. And look where it has gotten me. I gave up everything and now….. Well, we are just getting by. Life is back where we started and for what? Went through hell on earth to get back here? That doesn’t make any sense.
Oh I know what some would/will say. I can think of several verses to “encourage” me. But really that just falls flat. I guess apathy breeds apathy. I go around, watch and talk to people. This world is going to hell and people don’t give a damn. I believe we are fast approaching the end and it is going to get A LOT worse before we get there and yet everyone is just walking around in a fog, pretending everything is fine and going to get better. Got news for ya…it’s not. We have seen the best days and they are history. There is one day that I do look forward to, one day in the future when everything gets better.
This is one of my favorite songs from Misty Edwards, who helps lead worship at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Missouri:

I can hear the rhythm of the lion of the tribe of Judah
He’s doing a new thing, so we’re singing a new song
He’s not a baby in a manger anymore
He’s not a broken man on the cross
He didn’t stay in the grave
And He’s not staying in heaven forever
He’s alive, He’s alive, He’s alive,
People get ready! Jesus is coming!
People walking round with their fingers in their ears saying
“La--‐du--‐du--‐du--‐du, I don’t want to hear the sound of the coming King”
Once again I’m going to shake everything that can be shaken
Once again I’m going to break everything that can be broken
Album: ‘onething’

There is a book by Ted Dekker, “Slumber of Christianity” that Kelly is reading. Talks about this-we’re all so content to get our riches here on earth and live for the now instead of with an eye on heaven and how much better it is going to be. How this is such a small taste of glory. But you know, we (Kelly and I) have a little bit of a hard time relating I guess. I can’t wait for Eternity. I am not jumping up and down thinking about it all the time, but yes-I would rather be there than here, right now! This earth is incomparable to Heaven. We are to enjoy it here, but remember it’s not the end, it’s barely the beginning of the taste and sights and smells and LOVE and GLORY we will one day behold.

2011-01-29T19:23:00.000-06:00

Texting with a friend awhile back. I said something about blogging and he suggested I write something about the lonely times God takes us through. Well, not a month or so before, I had. I hadn’t posted it yet. It’s personal and hard and makes me question. But it’s part of the journey God has placed us on. And really, it doesn’t even barely hit the surface of some of the lonely times we go through…

I have not written much for a while. Guess I just have not had anything to say or care to say I suppose. Been struggling as of late and the thing is I am not sure why. There is this restlessness in my soul and it feels at times like a war is raging. And I wonder, why? I know I have not been feeling the best as of late and I am not sleeping well. My thoughts and dreams often haunt me. I am a child of the KING and yet I feel so dirty, some homeless guy sleeping in the gutter. Why? Maybe it is because I feel useless to my King, that I have nothing to offer. Maybe it is just the winter depression setting in. I have always struggled in the winter with depression. That is one thing I loved about Africa, the sun light. Pretty much year round the sun came up and went down the same time every day. I know part is the fact a very good friend of mine is moving away and it bothers me. I know how things go. You say in touch at first then life gets busy and the times you talk get less and less and before you know it it’s been a 6 months, a year, maybe more. It is just the way it goes. I know that and I don’t like it; it sucks. But such is life and you move on.
Another thing that has been bothering me is we know someone who is going back to Africa. Someone I thought never would and yet he is doing all his planning and seems to be all optimistic. It is as though he has forgotten most of what happened over there. Maybe that is a good thing, I don’t know. I got to wonder though. And we have missionary friends over there asking us when we are coming back. And the answer is: I don’t know if we ever will. Life has become about hoping I get enough work to pay the bills. And when I don’t have any paying work it is looking for busy work just to keep me occupied. I long for an awakening within my heart and soul. Something to set a fire within me. I am tired of feeling tired.

2011-01-22T10:02:00.002-06:00

yup, we're around :-)

We've been doing some writing. Some of it is pretty personnel, confessionry even. So it's hard to know what and when and if to post some of it.

Unfortunately, that last post about apathy is really where we are right now. Not where we want to be, but kinda sucked in and stuck. Wanting more, but...

As always, we appreciate all your prayers!

2011-01-15T17:18:00.001-06:00

In conversations with several different people lately, a common theme seems to keep reoccurring. It is apathy they feel regarding the Sunday morning event. There is no excitement, passion or desire. There is this “ho hum” feeling of walking through life. I know exactly how they feel because I feel it. It is not that these people are passive in their faith or church. They invest themselves and they are feeling empty…nothing is being put back in. The more I thought about it, the more I realized you can invest everything of yourself and never get anything in return in a large church setting (no, not always the case I am ready to admit). But in the small group setting you often get back what you put in. The problem is a lot of people do not have time for small group fellowship. I’m not trying to be critical, it is just a fact. Lives are busy. Families are pulled in multiple directions, something has to give. And often it is what is most needed that is sacrificed. I don’t’ know if it is our own selfish/sinful nature that allows this or satan pushing us in that direction. Either way, the outcome is the same. We make time for the Sunday morning event even though we walk away feeling nothing. So what is the answer? I have my ideas, but what are yours? What should we expect?

2011-01-10T08:52:00.003-06:00

This is one of the (many) dangers of having older sisters. "He wanted to wear it!" they said. Well, of course he did when you told him to!

This is daddy showing Myron what the boys do! I don't think we need to worry about GI Myron wearing a dress!

2011-01-06T16:53:00.000-06:00

There is something that has really stood out to me as of late and it has to do with what I see when people put out prayer requests and what I seem to hear come from a lot of people. Let’s just say someone is sick or in the hospital, etc. And they ask for prayer from others in the (Christian) body. It goes out but rarely are people asked to pray for healing. It is always prayer for the doctors, to give them wisdom in how to treat someone, give the person comfort as they deal with what they have. But not (very often) for healing. Don’t we think God can do that? Do we think God needs us to do something for him? Do we think God has changed over time and He doesn’t heal people like that anymore? Or is it our own fear to ask for what seems to be the impossible? Or are we afraid we’ll be disappointed if we ask for the big stuff? I just think it is really sad that we have made God so small. Do we not even have the faith of a mustard seed? Do you not want to see God move mountains or does that scare you too much? It bothers me that we seem to want to limit God, that we are to afraid to ask for the possible from Him.

comments

2011-01-05T09:30:00.004-06:00

I realize not everyone goes back through previous posts looking for comments. But there have been a few comments and some further thoughts from both Brian and I on the previous post. You can scroll down to the previous post or click here.

2011-01-04T09:19:00.000-06:00

Observation one: wives want their husbands to be the leader/head of the home/family.
Observation two: No, they really don’t.

Let me explain what I have seen and what I have experienced in my own marriage. Let’s see if you see yourself or your spouse in anything I say.

Scenario #1: Wife says she wants her husband to be the head of the family/the spiritual leader. Well, that is what she says to her girlfriends in the church as they sit around and complain about their husband’s spiritual inefficiencies. But if you watch, they are not about to allow their husbands to lead. Why? He may not do what she wants and if he challenges her she will not hesitate to emasculate him (def: weaken somebody or something; to deprive somebody or something of effectiveness, spirit, or force). So he stands behind her and when asked a question he waits for her to respond. There is a good chance that sex is used as a tool to control him. It has to be used early on but once he is thoroughly emasculated it does not need to be used any more.
Scenario #2: Again, the wife wants her husband to lead. She uses sex in a different way, she does not give any. This almost always back fires. It causes the husband to withdraw from the relationship. They live together but separate lives. If he would admit it, he questions at times whether she loves him, if he just exists to work and pay the bills. He begins to seek enjoyment in other ways because he is not finding it at home. Here many men (not all) turn to porn to find sexual satisfaction, they retreat into a life of fantasy to escape.

How do I know these things? It is because I have lived both of these scenarios to some degree. And in both of these scenarios neither spouse will ever truly be happy. Why? Because it is not the way God created marriage to be. I know there are a lot of wives out there that will say “but my husband is….” God does not say “well, since your husband is like …. You get a pass on what I have commanded”. It does not work like that.
What changed for us? My wife. I wanted to (lead) but it always felt like I was fighting an uphill battle and it just became easier to not fight. It was not until my wife decided that she needed to change to allow me to change that anything happened. And it took time; it was not an overnight conversion. It was a process. At first I was not sure if it was genuine and I was not willing to risk it. It was scary and at times still can be, to be the leader/head but once I realized that my wife was there right by my side supporting me, being that Help Meet that God created for me, it became a lot easier. Knowing she was there not to criticize me or degrade me for making a mistake but truly supporting me, even when she disagreed with my decision. That was the confidence building I needed-what all men need.

My question to you wives out there: Do you really want what God has designed for your marriage or are you content with what you have?

change you--or change me?

2011-01-01T18:46:00.000-06:00

Ever notice (especially when it comes to kids’ behaviors-okay-our spouse’s too!), how it is always the other person who needs to change-and not you?

When the kids are acting up, they need to shape up; I don’t need to spend more time with them.
When your friends don’t call to see how you are doing, they are the insensitive ones; you don’t need to try harder or pick up the phone yourself.
When you husband makes you crazy, he’s the selfish ogre; you’re the perfect wife who does everything for him.

Just a few of the many, many examples. They are pretty general, maybe a little overdramatic-but the point I want to make: we are not responsible for their actions-only ours. We can’t be constantly blaming everyone but ourselves for well, everything. I remember listening to a speaker whose husband finally told her, “I am not responsible for your happiness.” Seems a little harsh, but it is true. We are responsible for ourselves. We cannot expect someone else to make us happy when we are not, especially when we are unwilling to see that. No person on this earth can EVER truly make you happy and fulfill every one of your needs.

It does only a very little good (from my own experiences) to pray to change the other person. The one who needs to change more often than not, is ME. And the truth is, no amount of willpower on this earth will change me. Willpower just doesn’t cut it-I know it, but I still keep trying it seems! True change can only come through God’s Holy Spirit working in me. Convicting, reproving, correcting. It’s still my responsibility to do the doing. And it’s hard. It very often goes against our human nature. There are a lot more times I’d just as soon smack someone upside the head then show them love, mercy, grace, forgiveness. But that is what I am called to. That is what I do truly want, deep down; though my actions often don’t show it.

The really cool thing is that as I pray and let the Lord change ME, it has a ripple effect. When I show love to my kids, friends, husband, spend more time with them, act unselfishly with my time, do things for them…they notice. Then may not say anything (especially the kids), but their behaviors seem to change as well. And then it allows the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts as well. But you know what, even if they make no changes, it doesn’t matter. You are not their Holy Spirit-only God’s Holy Spirit can work in them. You are only responsible to listen to what He is telling YOU.

NEW YEAR’S CHALLENGE FOR THE WIFEYS OUT THERE

2010-12-31T12:05:00.000-06:00

Here is a challenge for all you wives out there, if you so feel led to accept it :).

For one week (or maybe two!) keep track of all the time you spend talking to the following people:
-your husband
-your kids
-your friends (you can include extended family here-grandparents, etc)

If you want to be a little more exact, you could divide the husband and/or kid time into “meaningful” time and routine time. You could even have the chart divided for each kid.
Count your phone calls (not to hard when the cell phones tell you how long you’ve been on for!), your conversations in vehicles, your passing in and out the door, your pillow talk time too. You can count bedtime stories, prayers and conversations around the table (counts for both hubby and kids if everyone is involved!). If you go out to eat, count the drive time, the meal, the goodbyes, count it all. Yes, you have to be conscience of doing this-don’t just guess.
It may be best to wait until you are back into the school routine, next week or the following week. Don’t go out of your way to avoid any conversations, and don’t try to make a point to have extra if you feel you are getting low on someone’s minutes. This is just an exercise to see where you are, right now; and to see who you need to spend more time with-and less.

Why? What’s the point? Does it matter who you spend most of your time with? Of course it does! Our priorities are first to our Heavenly Father (suppose you could have a slot for Him too!), then to our husbands and families. I think we will be quite surprised when we look at just who we spend our time talking to. You probably think I am going to say “friend” time is bad. I am not. Because we need that as well (and I know my husband needs me to have that time too). But you know what? My husband is my BEST FRIEND, and he is the one I talk to about EVERYTHING. He is the one I seek first for counsel and then approval/permission depending on the occasion. I know that I talk to him way more than any of my friends. Sure, I might have a phone call once a week or so where I am on the phone for 30-50 minutes. Brian and I call each other 3-6 times a day depending on what we are doing. What do we talk about? Not much-just everything. And then we talk when we are home. We probably talk too much. Sometimes there are things I know he doesn’t like to talk about; but I need to talk through them.
Our created job was to be our husband’s helpmeet. I know that looks different for different people and different situations. But I do know we were created to encourage them, build them up, help (ASSIST) them lead our family (another subject to write about). We were created for each other-we no longer belong to ourselves-our bodies belong to each other (again, a whole other subject!). No, your husband may not be a first-rate husband and father, he may be struggling to hit the top 10; but that doesn’t change your God-given responsibilities to him and to your family. Your obedience isn’t dependent on his.
Okay, I could go on and on about that, but I won’t; for now. :-P

I added the kids category more for me. Sure, I am with the kids all day. But am I really with them? We do school, we do chores, but how much “meaningful” time do I spend with them, just talking or doing a project together? Not as much as I should I have to admit.

So anyway, I hope you are up for the challenge! Take time to start the New Year out recommitted to your spouses and your families.

2010-12-28T08:51:00.000-06:00

When you aren’t walking well with the Lord, it is very easy to take others with you, even if they are. How easily our sinful nature is ignited. One little thing leads to another, to another. And unfortunately, if you look hard enough, you will also see that there are many Christians who, while reaching out to those in the “gutters” get sucked in. Those “gutters” can be many different places-the corporate business room, the recovery group, the college crowd. Wherever the Lord seeks us to shine light, there is a HUGE battle waiting to be waged for you. But so, so often it is not a full frontal attack. No, the enemy sneaks in through the back door when you least expect it-when you’re just trying to help somebody out.

Conversely, when you are walking well with the Lord, you may not have as many with you because it is a hard road-an unpopular road-an “I don’t want to hear what you have to say because I know you are right” road. That road is often hard and lonely; it takes patience and perseverance. But by seeing your life-your true joy despite trials and hardships-others will want to walk together in His footsteps. Maybe not always together with you, but on the same path.

2010-12-27T11:28:00.000-06:00

A key to prayer: focus on praise not on problems. GOD knows what the problems are, HE wants the praise. Give it to HIM! HE deserves it! He inhabits those praises!

Easier said than done as our selfish desires, wants and needs consume us. Sometimes I wonder what I can praise Him for that I haven’t already done a thousand times. He is the same-yesterday, today and forever. What is there new that I can say? Sometimes it just seems like I am just saying the words.

How do you keep PRAISES new each day?

the big picture

2010-12-26T21:19:00.002-06:00

Been thinking about this because of something that happened not long ago with one of our daughters. She was hurt (emotionally) and it was not intentional (at least I would hope). To me it was just a way that people have lost focus of the big picture. But I am not sure they see it that way. It appears that the big picture to them was the “performance,” the “show”. It was not about a young girl’s feelings and how their actions would affect her. Their concern was the “show” and how they would sound. It was about the whole, even if one part was crushed in the process. I am just sick and tired of it being about the “show”. Does God really care about the show? Or about people-every single person, individually?
When this happened to my daughter, well let’s just say that my papa bear came out real fast. Nothing can elicit anger in me faster them coming home and seeing one of my cubs in tears because someone hurt them. When that happens, watch out.

What is the Bible Basically About?

2010-12-22T11:35:00.000-06:00

The Bible is NOT ABOUT YOU.

2010-12-21T10:27:00.002-06:00

This was written a couple of years ago. One I (KJ) have sat on for a LONG time. Why? Because it could and does come across on the more offensive side and some people aren’t going to like how it is worded; and you know, a small part of me still wants to fit in, to have some friends left! :-)

THAT IS WHY I CHANGED WHAT MY HUSBAND WROTE (yes, Brian added that :-P )

So why post it now? Well, again, God has brought conversations and people into play that just make us think this is the time-some of the exact words were even used (even though I edited them a bit…)

James 4:4-10
Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”? But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

This is not a very long passage but there is a great deal in it if you take the time to meditate on it. Here are my (Brian's) thoughts on it.

4 Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.
The first sentence I think has a few meanings, neither are good news.
-One, we Christians are the adulterers/mistresses of the world. I see a growing trend in the church (which is the Bride of Christ) becoming nothing more than a prostitute and we practice “temple prostitution” (imagine Brian’s much stronger language here…). We go in when it’s convenient, when she has something to offer us and then we call that worship. She’s a form of entertainment and when she no longer satisfies we move on. I can only imagine how God’s Wrath must burn when this is the case.
-The closer we become to the world the more we alienate ourselves from God. God doesn’t move away from us, we move away from Him. In the world sin is acceptable; just look at what 10-20-30yrs. ago was considered unacceptable and is now the norm. And if you speak out against sin you are considered intolerant. That is often in and outside of the church. There’s a verse in a country song that says “if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything”. There’s a lot of truth in that. It becomes a very slippery slope very fast. It’s a slope that many in the western church are going down.

I take vs. 5 "Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, 'The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously'?" to mean that God doesn’t take a back seat to anyone or anything.

6 But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”
James quotes Prov. 3:34 a familiar passage. Who are the proud? The proud are those who think they can do it {life} on their own. Who are the humble? Those who know they cannot and know they need divine guidance and wisdom.

7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
First: submit to God. A word not often looked upon in a positive light.
----Submit: 1) yield, surrender 2) to commit to the discretion or decision of another.
Second: resist the devil.
----Resist: 1) to fight against 2) to withstand the force or effect of.
We often forget that we possess a great deal of power through the name and blood of Jesus Christ. To refuse or fail to use that power is a disservice to Christ. Note both of those words are ACTION words. We must do something-we must Resist.
Third: he (devil) will flee from you. The order is important, any change in order or removal of part one or two, and you WILL fall and fail.

8a Draw near to God and He will draw near to you
A word of encouragement, a promise to hold on to and claim.

8b Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded
The closer you draw to God the more you will see your sin. That’s a good thing. When you see it you can deal with it and thus be cleansed. Scripture is clear, you want God to be working in you and through you? You MUST deal with sin when it is revealed! The term double-minded literally means to have “two souls”. One part of you desires to follow this world/culture and the other desires to follow God and His Word and these two souls are at war with each other.

9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom
Grieve, mourn, and wail for your sin instead of celebrating in it.

10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. Fall on your face before His throne and allow Him to reach down and lift you up. Yes, easier said than done.

LOYALTY TO THE "CHURCH" OR LACK THERE OF

2010-12-20T13:06:00.001-06:00

That has been something that we have been discussing as of late. A situation arose with someone who is loyal to the church but it appeared he was getting burned by the church in an area. We had said something to someone about that you don’t want to burn that bridge, you may never win them back. Some may wonder how I know that. Because my bridge got torched. I was very loyal to the church we attend (even are members of). For years I prayed for this church, tried to be involved and was essentially turned away at every door. I always thought the church’s job was to develop leaders for the future. But I began to see, it was to develop “certain” leaders. There appeared to be criteria, ones that I don’t meet and never will. Some would ask, “why not just leave and go somewhere else?” I wanted to for many years. I would pray about it but God would not release me to go, I still had a purpose for being there, something HE wanted me there for. And I have seen that and am very grateful that I was obedient to HIM and stayed. A lot has happened in the last couple of years. Let’s just say, for myself that bridge of loyalty went up in flames. Then after a congregational meeting earlier this fall I felt released. I did not ask to be released. You see, in the past God has always place a heavy burden on my heart for this church; well that was gone. We were sitting there listening to a lot of talk and little being said and the realization that things will probably never really change here. I walked out early and decided to go home. Thing is, I felt lighter; a weight had been lifted from me. I had been released of the cares of the church (the bureaucracy, the hierarchy, the politics of it). The place is a building, bricks and mortar. I believe that the best thing that could happen is if the building was destroyed, yes destroyed. (Whether the church is my own, the Baptist one of the corner, the Lutheran down the street, etc etc. –any “church” building). Then maybe, just maybe, people would begin to understand that a church is not a building and that often buildings are nothing more than a waste of money. Money that could be used to better further the Kingdom of Christ by meeting needs of people. Tell me, does a big church building bring Glory to God or glory to man? My loyalty lies with Christ and with my brothers and sisters in Christ (whether they be Baptist, AG, EFree, Catholic, Lutheran, Orthodox, Presbyterian ...), not in a building or a denomination. Those things satan uses to bring division to the body of Christ. Do I still attend a church building? Yes I do, but for me it is for the kids to have that social interaction. I attend church on Friday night when I meet with our home fellowship group. We pray together, study the Word, some weeks we sing and eat together. We seek to meet each others needs and the needs of others. It is not a one day a week thing; it is a 7 day a week walking out our faith together thing.

selfish

2010-12-15T09:21:00.000-06:00

Lately I have been finding out just how selfish I am. Oh, and quite a bit self-righteous too. Ouch. Not what I had been looking to find, those are things we never figure WE will be. It’s always someone else-like my four year old who won’t share his toys (or my 13 year old who won’t share her books…)

Entitled. How many times have I asked my kids why they think they are ENTITLED to play on the computer every day, or rent a video or… When really, I suppose I believe that myself. I am ENTITLED to some peace and quiet, some help around the house, kids who obey the first time…
Situations have come up that, instead of thinking how to help or be a part of, I think of the extra work it will be for me. I get annoyed by the way other people are doing things because it isn’t MY way.

Wow. Do I sound like a three year old or what?

My prayer especially last week for one of the kids was just help me LOVE them-not love because that’s what I am suppose to do; but really LOVE them because I just love them. It would seem I am being shown the reasons why I haven’t been able to. I seem to be too busy thinking of myself, what I need and not what they need.

Truthfully, I don’t feel up for this lesson. I want to shove it away. Wouldn’t you? It just sucks to be shown your own sin. Sure, the nice cliché thing is “well, now I can just pray and it will be forgiven and it will be all gone.” Yeah, right. If only it were that simple. I can pray, I can repent, and then, well then, I have to struggle against it. It’s a BATTLE. A battle against the one of the greatest sinners of the world-my own heart. It might be a sin, but don’t we all get comfortable in our own sin after awhile? I mean, it’s gonna be more work and more stress and hurt more to change. It just feels so. much. easier. to live in it awhile longer.
And the crazier thing? This whole time I sin and struggle and wrestle, my God is loving me, providing for me, forgiving me, NUDGING me (well, ok, sometimes it is a big SHOVE).
The question always comes down to, who am I going to love more: myself or my God? I wish I could say I always chose my God, but far more often than I care to admit, I chose me. I wish there was some “miracle cure” to change it all overnight. But what would I learn then? I’d probably just buy the bottle so when it crept up again, there it goes. Lessons are to be learned. Lessons are hard.
I am SOOOO grateful that God is willing to love me even when I haven’t earned the A+ yet; that He’s still gonna love me through every “retest” I have to take.

Greta is 9!!!!

2010-12-14T08:56:00.001-06:00

This posting is a day late, as they all are-it was Greta's 9th birthday on Monday!

We celebrated with the usual trip to Applebees (this time for lunch) for her free ice cream sunday. She was beaming.

I went down to wake up the girls this morning, came back up and immediately she says, "you've forgotten what day it is." I hadn't yet, just didn't know I needed to say it first thing!

Brian rounds the corner, eyes still full of sleep after a long day yesterday snow plowing. She doesn't say good morning, or let him saying anything, just "you've forgotten what day it is." Oh, she was just soooo excited for this day!

Grandma Judi had taken her out to a movie Thanksgiving weekend for her birthday. Grandma Carole made a cake and her and Grandpa Wendell came down here with it.

She is just such a joker and gets sooo excited, she's goofy. Happy Birthday Greta Girl-you bring much joy to our lives!

2010-12-13T14:18:00.001-06:00

I started going somewhere with this, but not sure where I was going to end anymore. What do you think?

Seeking someone/anyone out during a tough time seems to be a generational thing to a point. The “older” crowd had to grow up more self-reliant it seems. The past few generations it would seem have grown up expecting others to solve their problems for them! And then there are the in-betweens. The next older generation (than us) doesn’t seem to understand why we would regularly meet with the pastor, or ask for specific prayer requests, or need to talk through what we are feeling. The younger generation thinks we should talk more-and let “them” fix us!
Is seeking help out a sign of spiritual immaturity? Or is holding it in and not getting help the immaturity? Is being unwilling to be real and honest a front or façade? Who does it really hurt in the long run?
Why is asking questions viewed as having a lack of faith? What about iron sharpening iron? Building up the body of believers?

2010-12-08T14:12:00.003-06:00

On Saturday had our pastor and his wife over for supper to play with the kids and say goodbye before they move.

We invited some friends to come over later in the evening as a little extra surprise. They had no idea. If he would have known, he probably wouldn't have come!

He always enjoys bringing sugar over and trying to get the kids riled up. Well, it worked a little too well for him this time!

The kids were just eating him up!

She asked how she could help...I said entertain the kids...and she did! They love story time!

He really wanted a picture drinking out of a cup for some reason.

We wish you guys the BEST--WE WILL MISS YOU!

2010-12-07T11:07:00.000-06:00

I just commented to someone yesterday that the devil's playground was our weaknesses...
I am feeling very weak (and fearful) about something today, so the enemy is having a playday. Appreciate your prayers as He leads today!

2010-12-04T12:39:00.001-06:00

So I have been thinking about something…again. And since we’ve been lead for some crazy reason to think things out in the blogosphere, I am writing about it…again.

I have faith. Don’t question that. I do question the aspects of what/why/when/how I believe at various times. And it is okay to question. Because I don’t want to just say “I don’t understand but I have faith anyway.” Eventually that sometimes happens, but usually not until after I have done a little more research. Then I get to the “This is what I think this is it, but maybe I still don’t understand it all, but I am going to believe anyway…” And well, people much smarter than me, people who spend way more time thinking about things than me…well, they don’t have the answers to my questions really. And even if they did, it’s not really an answer, but a starting point so that I can then dig deeper, so I can make it my own.
I don’t know where I would fall on most theological issues (like that really matters). Calvinism, Arminianism, other “Christian-based isms”… And I doubt I would fit perfectly into any one of those anyway.
But I digress a little.

Anyway, what I am still struggling with how to put into words and belief deals with the omniscience of God. As my English dictionary says, the “knowing everything” of God. And God’s omnipresence; His “ability to be everywhere at the same time”. We believe that everywhere includes every-when, because He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.
So what does God allow, what does God cause? What really is a result of the fallen world? One of our three miscarriages we believe was very clearly a part of God’s plan. But really, wouldn’t they all be? Because if He sees all, is everywhere, all the time, has all my days planned out…doesn’t He know my choices too? He knows what I will choose to do and what results will come out of each choice. Psalm 139 really lays it out- v16 says all my days were written in His book before one of them happened. V4 says even before a word is on my tongue He knows it. Maybe v6 sums it up, “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.”

A friend is dying of cancer. Is this something God caused for His glory or is this something He allowed for His glory? Is this just a “result of a fallen world”? (What does that really mean anyway?) I mean, He knew it was gonna happen (but how or why?) and how it is going to turn out-so He then has a plan for it already. Just what does that mean? How do we wrap our heads around it? Yes, we live in a fallen world, but God is WAY BIG ENOUGH to do something about it, does He just hold Himself back?

I know, you could easily ask why we bother to pray then? God already knows how everything is going to turn out? But often, it seems my praying is for me to know and serve and glorify God better, and my prayer (that He knows I am going to pray) is already a part of the plan He has set in motion. I guess that goes to one of those “deep theological questions” that comes up-Did Abraham really change God’s mind about Sodom & Gomorrah? Or did He already know what was going to happen and He answered the way He did for Abraham’s benefit? He wasn’t lying by saying for this many people I won’t do it…they were all true statements.

I guess when a situation comes up that hurts and you feel personally, it makes you question more, it makes you struggle, makes you think. But I believe in the long run my faith is strengthened by my questions as we have to seek Him more.

BE YE HOLY FOR I AM HOLY

2010-12-03T09:33:00.000-06:00

What does that mean? What does that look like? Does it look the same for everyone or is each person unique? Does it mean you go to church every Sunday morning? We used to have church every Sunday morning and evening and Wednesday night. Now Wednesday night is for the youth and the family goes on Sunday morning. Is that all it takes or is there more? Maybe you don’t consume alcohol (of any kind) or tobacco. Do you get rid of the TV and the computer? There is an awful lot of garbage on them. Maybe you read your bible every morning and every night? Pray a minimum of 3 times a day? What else? I’m sure the list can go on and on and on.
So what does it mean? What does it look like?

“Be ye Holy for I AM Holy”

2010-12-02T10:30:00.001-06:00

Yes, we are all moved back in, settled in, returned to life as “normal” as it is to us…just peddly things here and there to finish up.

The house is different though. At least there are some things that look different-paint, curtains, cabinets, who’s in what room. And that is good.

Sure it feels like home again, I guess, as much as any place feels like home. The problem-I was thinking it was never going to be my home again, definitely not this soon anyway. The whole year in Africa as we struggled with things out of our hands, one of the thoughts was that I don’t want to just come back to the same house, the same job, the same…and it’s like we never left.

Believe me; from the battle scars and hurt hearts, we know we left. And things are different-relationships are different. But yet, here we are, back where we started. Feeling again, is this it? We went to Africa just to come back to where we were? How? Why? Was it to be reminded that this IS it? This IS where we are supposed to be? That there are things here we are supposed to do? Was it to be better equipped to do those things? Are we still going to do what we are called to even if it isn’t as “exciting” as we wish it could be?

phases

2010-12-01T08:39:00.000-06:00

We are in many new phases of life.

New jobs for Brian that will hopefully pay all the bills.

New seasons of ministry and trying to figure them out and how we are do them.

New phases of kids. Boys. Need I say more?

New phases of school. Homeschooling boys. Need I say more? The boys are only 6 (almost 7) and 4.5, but I can tell (sniff, sniff) that all my teaching methods for the girls aren’t necessarily going to work for them. I finally changed a reading program for J, and I think that is going to work. YEAH!

We’ll soon be entering the HIGH SCHOOL homeschooling phase (gasp!). And I gotta tell you, I am not the most excited about it. It is a WHOLE. NEW. PRESSURE. for me. Picking curriculum, a foreign language, navigating CLEP and DSST tests, PSEO options, PSAT/SAT/PACT/ACT and every other kind of test out there. And every time I think I feel good about it, I see another option or hear of something else I should consider… Sometimes I’d just like to throw my hands up and say okay, this is it, we’re doing the basics and off we go. Then I get mommy guilt because I know there is more than they (and I) can do to help for college (thus all the initials I THINK I know the meanings off).

It was neat the other night though, to watch the girls having conversations with their uncle who is a college professor. And even only in 7th and 8th grade, they could hold their own (a bit) and he was impressed with some of the things they knew. Kind of a good pat on the back when you need it.

2010-11-30T08:07:00.000-06:00

If we are primarily focused on the obvious sins of the world, we are diverted from OUR sins-pride, a lack of grace, selfcenteredness. Our primary purpose is not to defend right from wrong, or truth from untruth-it's not even to defend Him. God can do that, Our ultimate goal is to be fully yielded to Christ. -Shanti Feldhahn in “Veritas”

Obviously, this is from a book Shanti Feldhahn wrote, which I have not read. But reading the quote, even if out of context, stirred me up a bit. On first reading I disagree because I believe God has instilled in us (personally) a great sense/desire of justice. I believe HE has put in us a desire to speak out on wrongs we see, experience, hear. I did not find any one specific Scripture on this, but there is a general sense of this in His Word. We are to care for the poor, widowed, oppressed…we are to correct, rebuke reproof… So we don’t need to defend God-yes, he can take care of Himself; but He calls us to take care of others (widows and orphans in particular in James), and that often means defending them.

On second read, I partially agree. We should not focus on the sins of the world with neglect to our own. So, yes our primary purpose is to be yielded to Christ and living a life that brings all glory to God.
I think though, that as we pray and speak out on the sins of the world (as God leads and directs), that God then does divert us back to our own sins where we are able to come to a place of repentance.

2010-11-26T08:25:00.000-06:00

Words are funny- for as you perceive, that is what they are to you no matter what I meant them to be. Our perception is our reality, whether it is reality or not from the other persons perspective.

2010-11-25T08:23:00.001-06:00

And that's one of the things you notice about Jesus in the Gospels, that He is always saying, "you have heard it said such and such, but I tell you some other thing." If you happened to be a person who thought they knew everything about God, Jesus would have been completely annoying. ~ Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What

2010-11-21T09:04:00.000-06:00

There was a saying that used to be popular:
“Better to burnout for Jesus than rust out.”

One of our instructors at MTI explained that this is an extremely bad philosophy. She explained that burnout is not only unhealthy but it is dangerous.

You see your life is your testimony. What does it say about who Christ is? And what does it say about what Christ means to you? About how important HE is to you?

2010-11-20T08:41:00.002-06:00

Can God cause divisions to grow the church? Or does He allow it (because we are all sinners, live in a broken world, etc. etc.) and then redeem it?
A few types of church divisions:

-One is a natural division that arises when we try to understand what it is God’s Word says. We aren’t perfect; we can’t know His Word perfectly. But what we do with those natural divisions is how those divisions will later be judged. This may mean a body splitting to focus on different things (more missional churches, more evangelistic, more discipleship, infant/believer baptism, gifts of the Spirit-you name it; it’s probably caused a church spit somewhere!)

-Divisions based on size. This may be that a church just doesn’t want to get over a certain size to maintain the community feel-when they get to a number, say 100, they split and start another church.

-One is brought on from our own selfishness. We have already posted various things about leading and following in a church body. When we step out of the authority of those we’ve elected to lead us, some things can get pretty hairy-dangerous even (in the spiritual sense). Equally dangerous of course, are leaders who don’t appreciate, listen and respond to the body who has elected them. Unless we have just cause and reason, we are really stepping out of God’s authority. Of course, those leaders themselves need to be in line with God’s authority as well. And as we are all human, there will be times when they step out too and then we as a body need to go to them in love and bring them back in line with God’s word (Matthew 18). Just because you are a church leader obviously does not mean you are immune from sin.
And yes, leaders will be held to a higher standard. And WE are also judged for their obedience. Daniel, Shadrach, Mishek & Abednego and all the other Israelites were in captivity because of the disobedience of their king. Okay, yes their own sins too; but not all the Israelites were turning from God, refusing to repent-but they were all in captivity because of those rulers not repenting when called to.
Daniel, Shadrach, Mishek & Abednego’s disobedience to man (King Neb) was obedience to God. How often are we looked at as “rebellious” when we don’t blindly follow where our leaders tell us to go? Do what they tell us to do? We are still ultimately responsible for our own obedience. And then to the obedience of those that we have placed ourselves under the authority of. So we need to be VERY careful of who we put ourselves under. Does it not often seem that the U.S. is blessed or cursed based on the decisions of our government as well?

But what does that mean in the national sense? We pray for our leaders, we can call them to obedience to God, we can be the watchman and the voice of warning and repentance; but we can’t just leave the country. It really doesn’t work that way (despite what some movie stars want to say and do!). That realization should make us cry out all the more for our country and our leaders. I know I personally haven’t been doing that-but haven’t really thought or realized all this until recently.

This translates down to our work areas. And is one of the reasons we were back from Africa when we were.

And it most definitely translates in our Christian walk. There are many leaders in a church-small group leaders, pastors, elders, and committee leaders, whatever. And ultimately we are all under God’s authority, I am not addressing that. What I want us to think about is what it means to be under the authority of someone and the responsibilities therein. Both for those leading and those following. Above our “hierarchy” of leadership (unfortunately that is the structure of most church leadership today), we are still all brothers and sisters in Christ. As such, we are called to rebuke, correct, teach, and admonish each other. The greatest commandment is to love God, secondly your neighbor as yourself. So any and all of those above things must be done in love. But hear this: IT. MUST. BE. DONE. And if it isn’t, there is bound to be a church split. It may not be a formal-people leaving split, but there is a split in mind, soul, spirit, purpose, unity …

SO…does God cause that some times in the church? (Yes, He does cause some things that don’t make sense to us at the time-HE said HE was going to be the one to harden Pharaoh’s heart) Or does He allow us to get ourselves into those predicaments and then use them?

Maybe the question is: does it matter? If the chief end of all man is to glorify God, I think we all need to work in our circumstances every day to do just that! And that will include doing the hard stuff too.

thanks bill!

2010-11-19T15:46:00.002-06:00

A good something to ponder.
(click the link!)

MORE RAMBLINGS FROM THE PAST ABOUT LEADERSHIP

2010-11-18T20:31:00.000-06:00

What good does it do as a country or a body of believers (as a whole) for the people in it to personally repent but not the leaders? Or as leaders, is it good enough for you only to repent personally, or within your leadership group? When there are country/corporate issues, do the leaders need to repent publicly? If it is a moral failure, do they need to repent publicly? If it is a “little white lie” type of sin, is there a place for our leaders to publicly repent to show themselves as human?
What if they won’t? What happens to the rest of us? Do we desire to repent ourselves? Do we see a need? On the mission field we had a pastor ask us why he should discipline after those under him when his partners weren’t being rebuked and corrected for their indiscretions. He didn’t think he needed to--why would they listen to him when another leader wasn’t being disciplined?

Daniel 9 is all about Daniel fasting and seeking God in prayer and supplication for Israel, on behalf of Israel. I would assume there were others praying as well, it just doesn’t say that though. I would have to believe many of the Israelites were crying out (but maybe not in as much knowledge as Daniel-see verse 2). But in Daniel, we have this one man-a leader- (for Babylon the country, but also for the Jewish community there) crying out, repenting on behalf of the nation. Really, check out verses one to nineteen; it’s our story too. We have rebelled, transgressed Your laws-and we got what GOD said we would get if we didn’t repent (v 11-13). Daniel then petitions that God would turn away His wrath from Jerusalem (v 16). The last part (v. 20 and following) is God’s response through the angel Gabriel and in this we see some prophecies of the end times.

But where I want to go to is this-if Tom, Dick and Harry were praying and praying for Israel, but the leadership of Israel wasn’t, then…

What are the responsibilities of those who lead? Of those who follow? How do they intertwine?

2010-11-17T14:42:00.000-06:00

Do you remember years and years ago the mom and pop grocery stores? People would just go in to visit. Everyone knew everyone, it was a family atmosphere. And now they’re gone and we have the big box stores. Sure things are probably a little cheaper but at what cost? And it has carried over and we have the big box churches now. The consumerism mentality keeps carrying over into all aspects of our lives and in conjunction with that is the competition of the businesses/churches. Who offers this or that program, which has the biggest and best state of the art facility. And just like in the big box stores, they can put out the fliers, have the promotional, and hang some balloons…to get you to come in and buy the latest and best whatever. Truth is, a lot of the time it is just crap that is dressed up to get you to part with your money. Sad thing is I see the same tactics used in the house of God. Instead of speaking the Truth we use gimmicks to try and lure people in. We try to seem to be very tolerant. We just want to get them in the door-it’s about the numbers. It appears that we don’t think Jesus did a very good job and we need to make improvements on His ministry style.
If you look at Scripture, Jesus’ ministry only lasted 3 yrs and He drove more people away than He brought in. But yet-those people were ready, willing, and DID-die for their faith. Are the people you are bringing in ready to do that? Or are they just “part of the crowd?” What are you doing to equip, prepare, and release the body of Christ to do HIS work? This just isn’t a question for the corporate Church. This is for you and me as well. We are all members of the body. How, or better yet-WHO are you shepherding along in their faith walk?

2010-11-16T14:38:00.001-06:00

Yes, I am very type A. What can I say?
There are a lot of unfinished or just unpublished thoughts, in our blog file. That means it is time to finish them up and get them crossed off. So in the next however long it takes, we are going to be reaching into the archives and get some older stuff up. Haven’t decided if I will tell you when we wrote them—guess that can be part of the fun!

Question for you-and of course, there is a story behind it, but no; you will never figure it out—so don’t try. Just tell me what you think.

Do you think Hudson Taylor, George Mueller-those types of guys who waited on God to provide every need, would accept the help however it came? Through a Christian group or church, a non-professing organization, through the government, etc. What do you think? Or are there examples of any of those that you know of? Did Mueller accept the bread from the baker whether or not he knew he was a Christian? Did he ever accept items for the orphanage from the government, etc-those types of things.
Thanks for the input!

2010-11-15T15:22:00.002-06:00

Rebellion
Sin of witchcraft
Bitterness
Resentment
Negativity

What about reality? Why is telling it “like it is” so often viewed negatively? Why don’t we want to see it, hear it, deal with it? If we disagree with what someone else sees, normally we can just say fine-we have a difference of opinion, we’ll agree to disagree. But there are many people who will put you in the rebellious category if you see things differently than your leaders-in government, at home, and especially at church.
There was a running “joke” on the mission field-if you disagreed (with leadership) you were told you had the sin of witchcraft and were just in rebellion from your agency. It was always a super “ouch” then when you would turn out to be right! But it wasn’t rebellion, it was just knowing from your own past experiences that something wouldn’t work for whatever reason.
And I should have freedom as a brother or sister in Christ to tell you what I see and feel and know, but then not be labeled or judged. And just so ya know, I am not saying that as a backlash (or whatever the term is) about something out on the field. I am talking about here and now too.
God often gives eyes to see where HE is blinding another.

Embrace your gifting

2010-11-11T15:58:00.003-06:00

One of these days Brian will write his own story to this statement. Here is one of the thoughts I had for myself when He said God was speaking this to him.

Now, everyone who knows me knows that I am organized. I like to serve; I am all into common sense and getting it done. But I think I have another gift that I definitely haven’t embraced.

We talked about this verse in our training at MTI before we went to Africa:
17 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Consider now! Call for the wailing women to come; send for the most skillful of them. 18 Let them come quickly and wail over us till our eyes overflow with tears and water streams from our eyelids. 19 The sound of wailing is heard from Zion: 'How ruined we are! How great is our shame! We must leave our land because our houses are in ruins.' “20 Now, O women, hear the word of the LORD; open your ears to the words of his mouth. Teach your daughters how to wail; teach one another a lament. Jeremiah 9:17-20

I. AM. A. CRYER. Not just a crier out the corner of your eye. Nope I am an all out blubbery, LOUD, convulsing crier. And have you ever seen one of those types of criers try to hold it in? NOT PRETTY.

The point of the conversation at MTI was somewhat about culture, comparing the more “middle-eastern” way of in the street wailing to our reserved western way. The point was also of the GIFT that sitting with someone and just crying is. Not offering unwanted opinions (Okay, I struggle with that!), not telling them it will be okay, not telling them to suck it up/hold it in/whatever. Just sitting, being still and weeping and even wailing with them.
Why would you want to? Tears really are cleansing-they are a release of the emotional, the spiritual. There is something to the “just get it all out”. And there is something to doing it with someone else, even a stranger. This is the side where I am much more comfortable, but yet, I still fight against it. I wonder what people will think of me, I wonder if I should go to someone when I don’t know them very well-what will they think? What will other people think especially if they know I don’t know them well? It’s my own silly pride that holds me back.

I also cry, or start to, often during worship. Not from my own worship per se, but from seeing other people’s worship. It moves me, it stings me-I desire to be in that communion with God. I am not just looking for an “experience” though. I want to be communing-be in relationship-be in awe-be in the throne room REALLY worshipping. Let’s face it, as a mom of 7, 6 of them in the row with me, I don’t get to be as focused as I want to be.

I cry when I think about death, as most anyone would. I cry when I remember loss, when I think of what would happen “if”, or in some cases “when”…yup-I feel the tears burning now! But as much as there is the sadness in those cries, there is an anticipation too. The verse Where, O death, is your sting? 1 Cor. 15:55 comes to mind. Oh yes-I expect a sting. But really-there is just this tiny bit of excitement about death. I am sure it would be wrong to say, but it’s a little bit of a jealousy! They (if a believer) would be with Jesus! They will be free of pain, cares of the world, struggles…really-can you not wait?? Where, O death, is your victory? Really-we are the ones in victory-we will be in GLORY when we die. CHRIST HAS OVERCOME DEATH! And if we are in HIM, so then have we!

As in the case of these particular verses, there is also the weeping and wailing over the loss, the ruin, the devastation-often from sin. I do have a harder time here. As the mommy I feel so distracted, even in prayer and times of worship for what the kids are doing (or not doing!). But there is a call to be openly wailing over the sins of the people (church). I have attended our prayer meeting at church on Thursday nights. It’s not a sit around in a circle and pray for each other type of meeting. There are people walking and praying, there are people kneeling and praying, there are people laying on the floor praying. And there is weeping. Weeping and crying out to God. No, I was not one of them. But I should have been. While in a different prayer group, we did do this-on the floor, weeping, letting the Spirit intercede through us. It was an amazing time. The sins of this world should be driving me to my knees to weep and wail for forgiveness and mercy.
And really, that should make you uncomfortable. You should be uncomfortable and wonder what is so bad that she is going on like that?! But you should not want to come over to see what is wrong and just comfort me-no, it should make you look at your own heart and the world and drive you to weep and wail too. We deserve death, destruction, GOD’S WRATH. But, so often, for so many, others' tears don’t make us think of that. It just makes us uncomfortable. And we want them to stop. Sometimes we even ask the pastor to tell them to stop doing it-because people aren’t comfortable.

So I will try to work out how to embrace this gifting. I don’t know what that will look like. I guess it is a good thing I don’t wear make up!

2010-11-10T09:40:00.002-06:00

In talking with someone a few weeks ago, a blog we had linked to back in July came up. It was this post, which led you to two other posts. I decided to go back and see if this guy had gotten any other comments on it or had written more about it. I came across this article that I thought seemed to go along those lines. We wrote about this somewhat here.

We do agree on the issue that not EVERYONE should be involved in EVERY aspect of church business. This guy gives a good definition of how most EFCA churches are “congregationally” run and what that means.

We have seen many issues though that get brought up and then die in either committee one, two or three on their way to approval. Many elder boards are now viewed as a yes-or-no totalitarian/authoritative board, instead of as a shepherding board whose role it is to be “responsible for the spiritual temperature of the church, ensuring that the congregation is taught, protected, developed - empowered and released in ministry and led well...All of this was designed in an atmosphere of trust where leaders were actually loved and appreciated by the congregation.” It seems many boards have become administrative instead of shepherding, thus many of them are no longer trusted or appreciated. Well, I would suppose many are appreciated on the "trustee" role they are playing-taking care of the building matters, finances, etc. But when the model of shepherding is lost, much respect is lost as well. It's almost a sneaky thing sometimes. You may not come right out and say or feel that you have lost respect for the board, but something just doesn't feel or sit right.

This congregationalism goes amuk stuff does not though, allow the leaders to run amuk either. We are all under Christ’s authority. Elders, pastors, musicians, members, regular attenders. And we are fellow heirs, all working for the same goal. So while not EVERYONE needs to know and be involved in EVERY decision, the heavier responsibility then falls to the leaders to listen, understand, and yes-appreciate all the differing views, opinions, hurts, needs and desires that the congregation brings and not favor any of one (group, idea) over another.

2010-11-08T09:38:00.000-06:00

October was definitely a busy month-but also a very good one.

-We moved from the house in Willmar back to Kandiyohi. Good and bad I guess, I am sure we will write about that soon.

-We had TWO garage sales. After the second garage sale, we had a giveaway of the items left. We first invited the Spanish church from our home church. One woman had just recently moved to town and told us she had nothing in the house. So we loaded her up! She got furniture, desks, beds, and lots and lots of clothes. What a blessing to be able to do that! She was just so cute with her nervous laugh every time we found something else to ask her if she wanted. The guys loaded up the trailer than delivered it to their home. It turned out to be the exact duplex one of the guys had lived in 13 years ago! Crazy!

The remainder of the clothes were picked up by a friend for a local church who does a free clothing exchange each fall and spring.

-We also helped organize a benefit for one of our friends who has brain cancer.

Definitely not something we would ever want to have to put on, but it turned out to be a blessing for many. I know their family was blessed by the outpouring of support before, during, and even after. They were touched and felt God's love that day and HE was glorified. And we continue to pray for her healing here on this earth.

-The regular work, school, and home chores. We kept waiting for the month to pass as it was just. so. crazy.

And now we are off into the next season. Choir festivals, family, friends, small group, bible study, kids night at church, more school, work and home. Oh yeah-and our basement is getting some work done in a few weeks. Yes, it is never ending; but I think we are into a (brief) lull!

salon day

2010-11-06T13:31:00.003-06:00

The girls and I got to have a fun day at the salon last Thursday. I was bringing them all in for malibus (conditioning treatments) and hair cuts. While we were waiting I was asked if I wanted to be a model for back facials, facials, and make ups. I wasn't sure as those would take three hours and I knew the girls wouldn't take that long. But they said no problem-we'll do their nails, give them up-dos, no charge. My things were no charge too of course, so...how can you say no??
It made a busy day an even busier day-but oh well I guess! FYI-a back facial is just like what they do on your face-exfoliate the skin, moisturizer, a little massage, a "mask" to soften the skin. It sounds really weird, but it was a pretty heavenly day!

Here are the beauties!

2010-11-03T06:44:00.001-06:00

As I said it has been a long time since we’ve written anything…really meaningful. I was told the other day by a gal who still reads our blog how thankful she was that we were still writing and with everything she’s gone through, she’s appreciated it.
So that makes me want to keep sharing what we are learning and dealing with and trusting God with.
This month has been surviving. It’s the promise land of November now :-) so things should settle down, right? Yeah right, we’ll see!
Thinking of our last 4 years (maybe longer) we have been in a pretty constant state of transition. The process of deciding on a mission field, preparing for it, going, being there, coming back, dealing with the hurts, wondering about a next job, wondering about housing, moving and that’s just the “unregular” stuff like school and kids and family life thrown in. So I wonder, what would I do without this craziness? We’ve been in transition so long, I don’t know if we know anything different!
The mental busyness seems to be more what bogs me down than the actual busyness. But even that I enjoy thinking through. Then the time comes to do it…and bam-I am overwhelmed at trying to do it all.
And truthfully, what gets left behind? Yup-God. My quiet times, my prayer time, my thinking and studying time. But God is so faithful, He is so loving, He is the Father waiting for me to come back. In the midst of all this crazy, I have had some truly amazing prayer times with others. So even while I struggled on my own, God was orchestrating times of refreshment for me as well.
So, so grateful for His love and provision and how He cares for me!

HAGGAI-written probably a few months ago

2010-11-01T20:18:00.001-06:00

It's been awhile since we wrote. I am looking back to see what we may have written but not finished editing. This is one that I found...

I am up to Ezra and the rebuilding of the temple in Jerusalem during my chronological bible reading. In the middle of Ezra I was sent over to Haggai. This book is a small series of messages to the Israelites. The time is around 520 BC, August 29 to be exact I was once told…
Chapter one goes like this (thanks Dr. Larson for the teaching on this!):
1-2 It’s time! There were no more excuses for why they weren’t rebuilding the temple. The people were procrastinating; they were side tracked by many other things (mainly their own selfish desires).
3-6 God is telling them you need to set priorities-MY house is to be built before your (homes) and things for your comfort and pleasures. They were doing their way before God’s, they were more concerned with making their own homes beautiful than the Lord’s house.
7-12 This is a call to get involved in finishing the Temple- v8 also gives us the purpose of our obedience to God: He says, “that I may be pleased with it and be glorified.” In this section God takes responsibility for the drought on the land. He tells us why in verse 9-because His house lies desolate. God will do whatever it takes to get our attention sometimes!
13-15 Haggai reminds them that the Lord will be with you! This was needed encouragement to the Israelites as well as they had already had some opposition to their rebuilding of the temple, and it was a needed reminder-one will all need!
In chapter two God encourages the Israelites that the latter temple will be more glorious than the first. Some of the elders were remembering how grand Solomon’s temple was and becoming discouraged, so God was giving them a peak about His plan for this temple.
Verses 10-19 of chapter two address holiness. The message illustrates the concept of contamination and then God applies it to the nation of Israel. God requires holiness and obedience from us. When we sin, it “contaminates” and blocks the blesses of God. Because the people would (then) obey God (in building the temple), they will blessed from that day on. What a great incentive to repentance! Not only confessing your sin, but TURNING from it as well. Just what is turning from your sin? It’s walking in a new way. It’s turning from the path you are on to another path-God’s path. It’s not easy, and sometimes we fall off the path. But the Lord is gracious and kind and remembers His mercy toward us. HE helps pick us up and shake off the dust and start again.
In the last few verses Zerubbabel is a symbol of the Messiah to come. In these last few verses, God says he will destroy and overthrow the nations of the earth and the (Messiah) will be honored.
So, the questions to ask yourself are:
-How high is God on YOUR list of priorities?
-Do you have reverence for God?
-Have we lost sight of what it is like to be God’s child?

done!

2010-10-28T11:06:00.002-05:00

I went to the Willmar house this morning and did my final walk/clean through. Hopefully I didn't forget anything...like a pile of dirt in the middle of the floor somewhere! I think it should be good, I kind of lost my gumption towards the end when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. A huge, huge thank you to Cathy M. Last week she showed up at the garage sale to tell me she was coming to clean. PTL! She spent about six hours there that day, three to four just in the three bathrooms. There is just NO WAY I would have been able to do it this week. Things have been incredibly crazy this last month-two garage sales, the move, two houses to clean, school and kids, Stacey's benefit. I keep saying I just need to get through to November 1st. I am keeping things off the calendar that aren't school related for now (or at least trying to-two things already came up for next week...guess it never really ends.)

A THANK YOU the size of Mt. Everest doesn't even begin what to cover what we owe Dennis & Lynnie for sharing their house with us the past year. The Lord clearly orchestrated the timing and the details and everything else. We have been so blessed by the use of your home this past year. May the Father continue to lavish His blessings on you, favorite ones!

gone!

2010-10-27T17:17:00.000-05:00

TV is gone-PTL!!

2 of the 3 bird feeders left...

few leftover garage sale items

2010-10-27T00:05:00.002-05:00

Here are a few items from the garage sale that didn't sell, but we'd like to move ASAP.

One of these will be donated to a benefit this weekend; so let us know which size you want!

We need to move this. Hitachi 64" HDTV. This was our main TV, it works great. It would just take up half our living room at the house in Kandi. We are asking $300/best offer.

Leave a comment or call me at (320) 444-6501.

is it November yet???

2010-10-25T22:28:00.001-05:00

Come on October, you just need to end...

2010-10-22T15:37:00.004-05:00

So, since I don't want to do what I should be doing (cutting peppers), I thought I'd get these "after" pictures up.

As a reminder, here's a picture of the "before". Sorry it's so crappy-it's a picture of a picture-lots of flash.

and here...is the "after!"

(the flash wasn't on so it doesn't look as bright as it really is)

I gots me a dishwasher!

As you can see we opted for the green up top only. In the hallway it is the toasted cashew with the green over the paneling on the lower half. (you can see just a portion of that up above by the door)

Brian is also making a kitchen table and benches for us. We were going to do a booth in the corner, but decided on the table and benches instead. He is actually making longer benches than this and we will keep the smaller ones for adding in as needed on the ends.

update...finally

2010-10-20T14:58:00.003-05:00

Well, we are moved! It went pretty well on Saturday with a couple families that came over to help. We slept in the house that night and were able to get around! THANK YOU Helen for supper that night-a real meal-and I didn't have to make it!

Sunday Brian finished some stuff up at the other house and we made another load of piddly stuff to Kandi. We had to take back a bed to the store as it wouldn't fit down the steps; but we got it all taken care of. My mom had supper for us that night (THANKS mom!) and we decompressed just a little bit at their house.

On Monday morning the girls and I headed to the Science Museum of Minnesota to see the Dead Sea Scrolls. They leave on the 24th so we needed to get there. We went with another family and it was pretty neat. I had wanted to go as a family with Bri and all the boys-but it was a good thing we didn't. The Dead Sea Scrolls got long for all the kids, but they did like it. They spent another 2 hours in the rest of the museum and we could have been there all day and more to see it. Brian was working around the house mainly that day and got some more things finished. The boys went to play at another friends (THANKS Hahne). That night I worked on the garage sale a bit.

Monday I had gotten a call from the realtor wanting to show the Willmar house. I tried to explain it was not cleaned up, we had just moved: but he was insistent. So Tuesday AM I got up early and went to that house and cleaned for three hours; it was passable I guess. THANKS Amy for coming to help for a bit.

The rest of that day was spent doing more unpacking, getting the desk I needed and trying to keep everyone sane (especially me!). Brian was working out at the farm as the last of the corn was being combined.

Today is Wednesday. What's left? Some boxes in our room mainly; getting down to that last what should we do with this?? There's clean up outside too-empty bags and boxes, toys and bikes that will have to get in the shed sooner rather later for the winter. And the garage-that too is where unknown things are ending up.

I guess all we need now is snow, huh? Or maybe now that we are in, the house will sell...'cuz living in transition for 3 1/2 years isn't enough... Good thing God knows what He is doing and knows what we can handle. Please God-a little break would be nice!

We haven't gotten any school done this week, except the musuem visit. And yes, that kinda bugs me. As my life seems to be about unrealistic and unmet expectations, I was HONESTLY figuring we'd easily get to school again by Tuesday. Really, I was. I know, I know-but that is how I think and work. It's not like we are behind, and that this move isn't the EXACT reason why we started school in the middle of August...but I don't like to take too much time off. It's not good for the kids in the sense that it gets them out of the familiar routine. They've (me) all been acting out lately. Not listening, not doing what they know they have to--just I need some normalcy and attention type of stuff. THANKFULLY we are getting close!

I think I should be about as done as I am going to get here in the house by tomorrow night. Nothing on the calendar yet. Friday I will need to finish pricing and setting out the new items for the garage sale, which is on Saturday. Sunday is a planned day too with some visitors and then cleaning up the garage sale. We should be all ready to get back to "life" on Monday.

I hope anyway.

2010-10-16T08:07:00.000-05:00

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